Update on moving mum to sheltered accomodation

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Morag Wild, May 11, 2008.

  1. Morag Wild

    Morag Wild Registered User

    Mar 3, 2008
    8
    Hi there,

    I sent a post on 2nd April 2008 titled 'Moving to Sheltered Accomodation' everyone advised against it and I can now see why.

    We drove to Rothesay on the Isle of Bute to move mum from the council flat that she shared with Dad (died 2000 from first and only heart attack). She had lived there for 25 years or more. Logisticly the move went to plan, poor mum looked like a frightened rabbit most of the day. I took her out to a cafe a couple of times to releive the stress. The first evening was weird. I had approached the doctor the week before and asked for some kind of sedation for mum to get through the move, which he prescribed with no problems (she had Haliperidol) anyway the first night in her beautifull new flat, my sister stayed with her and slept in the living room. We stayed nearby in a B & B with our mobile phone next to the bed incase of emergency. Anyway we got through the first night even though mum kept saying she wanted to go home and wouldn't sleep in the strange bedroom. The next night my brother stayed with her, again she got up in the night crying but we got through that as well. The third night I asked my brother to stay away as I wanted her to experience her first night alone whilst we were still on the island. I raced, heart pounding, to her flat in the morning and the warden said she had been wondering and knocked on another flats door, fortunately it was a gentleman who doesn't go to bed early (this was 11.00 p.m.) anyway the warden was called out and she put my mum to bed. Since then mum shouted and cried every day saying 'why had I put her in a home' this was very distressing for my sister and I as she blamed us, leaving my useless brother out of the blame!!! I phoned my 'life line'. His name is John Lilley and works at the day centre in Rothesay where my mum has been going every day for over a year. He know my mum probably better than I do now (I live in the South of England). His advice was 'stop phoning your mum, it is only upsetting you and your sister and no-one is gaining from it. So I didn't phone mum for two weeks (agony). Anyway like a bolt out of the blue, I phoned the warden at the sheltered accomodation and mum has finally settled. She has got the hang of the pull cords in her flat and pulls them and asks for someone to take her down to the social longe where everyone else meets in the evening and has fun. I can't tell you how much this means to me.

    It was very stressfull moving mum out of the house she loved and I dreaded every phone call. I even thought she might die of a heart attack and it would be my fault and that i would have killed my mother that I love. Don't underestimate the trauma that a carer goes through, it is absolutely horrific. Mum would shout and scream at me and throw the phone down leaving me crying and feeling physically ill.

    I don't expect for one minute that everything in the garden is rosey and my heart still misses several beats when I look at my mobile phone and see it's a number from Scotland. Usually it's something to do with the move i.e. council tax, rent, all the usual things to do with moving.

    My heart will always miss a beat and whilst I have my own family and a very stressfull job (exam officer in a secondary school) my life is imediately brought back to my mum when the phone rings.

    She would hate to think she had caused anyone any concern. She was honestly the most beautifull person i every knew. Never a bad word about anyone and ironicly always said 'I don't want to be a burden when i'm old, just put me in a home'. Well we have avoided that so far, but probably that's where the journey will end....

    If anyone needs the best care for Alzheimers - move to Rothesay on the Isle of Bute - they love my mum and look after her better than i could....The day centre look after her every day and her new flat in Rothesay Court couldn't be more caring.

    Sorry to go on, I just needed to ramble for a while.

    Morag Wild
     
  2. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Morag

    Well done Morag. You have been through a right ordeal and so has your mum but you've all survived and mum has now settled. I am so pleased for you all. I don't suppose you will ever be able to completely relax because mum has an illness that isn't going to get any better but I do hope you will make the most of this time that she's settled and let the future issues remain there until they become the present.

    Again well done, that was such a big thing to do for you all.

    Love Helen
     
  3. HelenMG

    HelenMG Registered User

    May 1, 2008
    194
    Dublin, Ireland
    Hi Morag,
    I feel for you being so far away from your lovely Mum. But how lovely to know that you are doing what she knew would be right for her when the time came. Moves and change are stressful for all of us no matter what our mental state. I am always surprised by how my Dad survives stresses I think might be the end of him. He has a way of dealing with them. Big hug.
    HelenMG
     

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