Unwelcome suggestions
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An update on my post at the start of this thread.
After the upset I felt when I posted it, I went through the upset phase then got to the fuming phase and ended up at the ****** phase.
I have taken my good friend B the man in question for his hospital appointment this afternoon. News not too good but could be worse, early melanoma which will need another op and skin grafts.
We had a good chat about the people who were trying to match make then decided it was not going to affect our 50 year friendship.
We then went for a pint of cider in the local pub garden and had a good laugh the same as we always have done.
As I’ve said before, did anyone ask his opinion .
Im now feeling much happier, not least because of all your posts, Thank you.
Small towns eh. Let them talk. ?
After the upset I felt when I posted it, I went through the upset phase then got to the fuming phase and ended up at the ****** phase.
I have taken my good friend B the man in question for his hospital appointment this afternoon. News not too good but could be worse, early melanoma which will need another op and skin grafts.
We had a good chat about the people who were trying to match make then decided it was not going to affect our 50 year friendship.
We then went for a pint of cider in the local pub garden and had a good laugh the same as we always have done.
As I’ve said before, did anyone ask his opinion .
Im now feeling much happier, not least because of all your posts, Thank you.
Small towns eh. Let them talk. ?
Sometimes whn a woman has lost her husband, friends and neighbours seem to think she must automatically be either lonely and/or desparate for a man in her life for sex. Twenty years ago when my late stepdad died - he in his mid 80's, Mum then in her early 70's - a bachelor neighbour then in his 70's who knew my stepdad and had often borrowed toold from stepdad (eg a set of ladders, that sort of thing) came round asking to borrow the ladders and because she knew him, Mum said yes. To Mum's great surprise the bachelor neighbour grabbed a hold of Mum and actually kissed her - without any encouragement, and bearing in mind stepdad's funeral had only been held very recently.
Mum was absolutely shocked at this, as was I. I can only think that the neighbour thought that Mum, being a recent widow, was 'desparate for it' so wouldn't refuse his advances.
The neighbour didn't move house - I think he still lives in the same road as Mum, who's now 91 and with Ahzeimers - but certainly she never spoke to him again and went out of her way to avoid him.
Mum was absolutely shocked at this, as was I. I can only think that the neighbour thought that Mum, being a recent widow, was 'desparate for it' so wouldn't refuse his advances.
The neighbour didn't move house - I think he still lives in the same road as Mum, who's now 91 and with Ahzeimers - but certainly she never spoke to him again and went out of her way to avoid him.
Isn’t it disgusting. I was first widowed at the age of 40 and the number of men who thought they might be doing me a favour was shocking.
Glad I’m old, although I will never stop trying to make the best of myself just to deter “predators “
They will soon find out that mine are bigger than theirs.??
I was widowed at the age of 40 he was a lovely man, who needed looking after because of a physical illness..I had relatives telling me I needed to go out and meet someone ..it's so upsetting when they don't understand the physical and emotional pain you go through in grief. But the other thing that upset me was, after he died, the other wives from our group of "friends" completely shunned me ?♀️wouldn't let their partners even talk to me ...as if I couldn't do without a bloke. I learned a lot about life ?
Each to his own. My Dad cared for my mum for a couple of years before she went into a home for a year. He was remarried within 2 years and it was right for him. When he became ill my step mum cared for him for 18 months, 15 years later and she has no interest in remarrying or another partner. We all have different needs and rates of recovery from bereavement. Unless it is someone close who chooses to talk about it we just need to keep noses out and let each one make their own decision in their own time.
This reminded me so much of the Victoria Wood sketch about the Librarian and video dating, played to perfection by Anne Reid. ?
"Kidnap a man for sex?? I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex. Not saying I couldn't do with someone to oil the mower......"
And I agree with most of these posts. People seem to assume that if single, you must be lonely ?. And I think it's incredibly rude and thoughtless to try to matchmake for someone who's bereaved and grieving.
I just want to say I couldn't believe what your friend suggested and it reminded me of when my old school friends tried to play matchmaker and it went pear-shaped. I have been a contented singleton for most of my adult life and love my independence.
Hugs
MaNaAk
I split up with husband when my kids were quite young and we knew several other couples as their kids were in the same classes. Once word got round that I was now 'single' (although at the time we were only recently separated) the women suddenly saw me as competition and the husbands saw me as fair game...
Unbelievable.
I wonder if these 'well meaning' friends
a) simply don't understand you need no instant and close companionship because they're neatly snugged up together (for good or ill) or
b) may be rather envious of your ability to be a whole person in your own right.
I'd put money on the latter.
a) simply don't understand you need no instant and close companionship because they're neatly snugged up together (for good or ill) or
b) may be rather envious of your ability to be a whole person in your own right.
I'd put money on the latter.
I recall some months after my first husband died a friend of mine suggested I join a "singles club" (pre on line dating site days) to meet other men. Horrified, I asked her the reason she thought I should do such a thing and she apologised saying that I always use to be so happy and she simply wanted to see me smile again. She was mortified that she had upset me. All I am saying is maybe people say things sometimes without meaning to be uncaring, insensitive or disrespectful. Personally I would rather have someone speak to me than those who turn their backs or cross the road to ignore me because they do not know what to say.
Why do people always think that a woman needs a man in her life to be happy?
It is such an outdated attitude. Life has changed and no man is going to be the one who makes me happy. That’s entirely up to myself. Perhaps men need to catch up. They do not seem to have realised that the world had changed but sadly women seem to be guilty of the same problem. Me? Far too feisty to tolerate stuff from either sex. I’ll do what I want regardless of the tacky propositions put to me.
IMen mostly seem to think they’God’sgift to women and ai think they would be shocked if they were able to read this rhread.
The "best" suggestion I've had is to dye my hair "to make it easier to find another man". I'm actually quite fond of the grey and neither want or need a man in my life.
Amen to that!
It's just great the way it starts out being well-meaning but actually ends up as thinly-veiled criticism!
I agree. They think you should be grateful that they are prepared to take you on.??.
Another thing is, most men of my age are dinosaurs. There is no way that I’m going to start washing and cooking again for someone else.
Going to rename myself Mimi. As in me me me me.?
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