Understanding dementia

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
I have printed them off now just need the courage to take it one more step LOL:eek:
You have that courage. Think what you would say to anyone else. The sooner you go, the sooner you can be helped and your worst fears might not be true.


Registered User
Dec 1, 2012
Hi Benny

Thanks for your support and advise but also thanks for starting this thread Officer I have never been able to express the way I feel until reading your post and the replies it attracted. Afte alot of thinking over the weekend I feel like I am getting closer to sharing my concerns just dont know who that might be with at this stage, but I am toying with the idea of printing my posts and replies to show the doc as well. It seems to be the most overwhelming thing to tell anybody all that needs to be said, and then the anxiety starts and takes over and thats the end of that until next time so thanx TP'ers, think I'm almost there!!!:eek:
Hi Benny.
This is the first time I have answered any body, but I will try. My doctor, at the time, told me I was getting on, and not to worry. My friend,Jackie, dragged me to her surgery. I joined them, and the rest is history. Take someone who can verify what you are experiencing. That should be a great help, but insist that that what you are experiencing is not normal, and you need the assistance only a medic can supply. Anxiety is normal, anger, confusion, and guilt are some of the terrors you will feel, but you will learn to cope with the medication you need, and good friend, ie. our very own society coupled with the the help of the memory clinic you will find the world is abetter place. You also have, as I found , this forum, with many experiences that can help people like us. They helped me, may their God bless them, in a way that I never expected. Take care, seek, and you will find the help you need, A.t.b Officer.


Registered User
Dec 7, 2009
Central Coast NSW
Thank you Officer

I really appreciate your reply, thank you! I have repeatedly told my doc the level of anger I have is not normal, and he either increases my anti-depressants or gives me another health care plan for the physcologist, who in turn thinks that if she gives me enough exercises to control my anger and anxiety, I will eventually be able to just continue to imagine floating on a leaf down a gentle flowing river and thats the answer!!!!!
But my anger goes way beyond even thinking of relaxing, I either have to get in the car and drive so I can grit my teeth like a snarly dog and scream and scream at the top of my voice until I'm hoarse and sobbing uncontrollably or if I'm home alone I go to my wardrobe, shut the door and scream the same way into my clothes so no-one can hear me. The scary thing now though is that I have started to not be able to control my anger around people and am starting to either show aggression or voice my opinion, and dont seem to care 2 hoots if it hurts or offends anyone and slowly but surely, I dont seem to be hearing too much from my friends of late!
AS for the guilt, I constantly feel like I have a medal winning biggest pumpkin ever been seen sitting on my shoulders (thats how it truly feels) and when I get that feeling my hands,legs and feet feel like they are swollen the size of beach balls (and yes you can have a little chuckle) the guilt comes from my mum being in the nursing home (which is when me and my dad started arguing about) and the fact that I try to avoid my dear dad as we just argue to the point of it actually getting physical last time but the cloud that comes over me, while I sit in the CH car park and wait for him to leave so I can visit is enormous, because I know it is all to do with him not wanting my mum to be there and then I cry myself stupid thinking about him going home to an empty house and bed every night and he has absolutely no-one to support him now. That is almost overbearing!

Sorry to rave on but I figure if I can write this and get it out, it is more I can print out and take to the doc, so this arfternoon I think that is what I am going to do type it all out and then hit print. Again thanks every one for you input and thanks Officer for starting an interesting thread.


Registered User
Jan 15, 2011
Benny - How did it go at the Docs?

I too have been having similar experiences to Officer and you Benny. So much so that my nastiness is pushing my OH to the limit. She keeps saying that she wants the "old me" back, which just causes another row.
I am also very intolerant of other people - on the road, on the pavement, in the shop, on the phone, neighbours. In fact anyone who is slightly critical of me however insignificant or unintentional and I hit the roof. I know that I used to be mild mannered, placid and understanding; so deep down I know where my OH is coming from.
I am 61, retired but work from home doing accounts work. My mum is 84 and is in a CH. It was only after dad died 3 years ago that we realised what he'd been putting up with for years probably with mums behaviour. A MRI scan revealed AZ, which we suspect she'd had for some time. Dad had somehow managed to cope with her without us even guessing. Now I suspect I'm going the same way but was frightened to do anything about it until reading this thread.
How did you get on at the docs Benny?
Perhaps I should use your courage and do the same.


Registered User
Oct 31, 2012

I am very sorry to hear what you went through. My family believe my mum is experiencing the early signs of dementia and all we want to do is help her. The problem is, she will not admit anything of the sort. We would like to take her to the doctor to have tests but there is no way we could raise the subject. Do you have any advice as a sufferer yourself?


Registered User
Aug 11, 2012
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
I think that is a complex issue, because dementia starts in so many different ways, and not everybody who suffers from these changes want to acknowledge them.

For my mother in law, her AD started dramatically with a psychosis and sharp personality changes. The family had her checked out immediately and she went along with the medical appointments willingly. However, when she got her diagnostic, she was already too far gone along to realize it.

As for my mother, wverybody thought at first that it was a severe infection that was causing the forgetfulness, but when the infection was cured, the forgetfulness persisted. Her doctor said that it was normal for her age. At the same time, we would notice subtle changes, but we thought these were caused by the lingering effects of infection and surgery. However, kept getting more and more worried while being very afraid too of a dementia diagnostic. For her part, my mother resisted any mention of help or assessments.

So while people can be informed and aware of the illness, ultimately they can be so afraid of it that even a doctor will try to deny it.


Registered User
Mar 17, 2005
The slow initial progress of my front temporal dementia before diagnosis had changed my character to the degree that it cost me my employment, and my family. Nobody recognized the changes for what they they were. I now realize that the changes affecting me had totally changed me in all ways from unable to take verbal instruction to becoming sexually aggressive. Decision making switched itself on, and off at will. This had a huge effect as this capability was very important in my then employment. In my relationship, well after many years of a good marriage I threw it away by becoming aggressive, angry, basically a bad egg.
These changes were so slow both my employers, and my spouse could not in any realize what was going on. And in the end I was left on my own as I was no longer fit for service, and no longer fit to be a family member.
It took a very good friend from my past who could see the changes better because of the time lapse between seeing me. She got the ball rolling, and within three months I had a mri scan, and a diagnosis. The rest is history. The point I am trying to put across is that nobody put the changes to a condition, but to me going off the rails. Nobody thought the changes in my makeup had a history behind them.My employers thought I had lost the plot, and my spouse just thought I had gone off the rails. I may have reasons, but no excuses for my actions, but nobody thought that the changes in my caricature had a reason. My employers of 22 years forced me out, and my marriage of 15 years was blown away.
The point is that nobody understood what was going on, and I just did not care. Only now can I reform my life only because of all the help I have received from the medics, and the Alzheimer,s Society. These conditions need to be made general Knowledge. This would make for an earlier diagnosis, but a better understanding by the rest of the world that would keep families together,and may a place in the world for us all.
Hi Office I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s but after two PET brain scans was diagnosed with fronto-temporal-dementia and I can recognize all the problems your facing, my employers wanted me out It took months of meetings with my employers, my O.T , Unison, and the County Occupational Health department , but because dementia was covered under the D,D,A the couldn’t make me redundant ok I admit it was a long hard battle but I carried on working for eight years and only retired then because I was 65 unfortunately if the word dementia is attached to you medical records the stigma is you have a mental illness and the dictionary say’s Mental Illness - informal insane


Registered User
May 2, 2012
a bot confused!

Sorry I don't understand what you are trying to say either. Please be a lot clearer and we can try and answer you!