Hi
@Jane24
So sorry for your loss and I can really empathise as I sadly lost my lovely wife on 19th January. For her too, it was a very traumatic last 3 weeks and very difficult for myself and the family (our 2 sons and DILs, her siblings), who were all at her side all that day.
My sons originally wanted to visit her in the chapel of rest and though I really didn't want to, I would have done to support them. However, as none of us could face doing so the first week after, by the time we could all get there, the undertakers warned me that it may be harrowing.
I talked to my sons and as we had spent all week going through photos from happy times, to include in the order of service, I reasoned that it would be very difficult if our last "image" was so heart breaking. So we all agreed not to go - a decision that I honestly think was the right one for us.
The funeral is next week, which I know is going to be so emotional that I don't know how we will cope?
What I am determined though, is that her wake at our local pub, which has been the source of unbelievable support, kindness and happiness during our 6 year journey, will be a joyous event. She had some lovely times there and we will give her the send off she truly deserves.
To you Jane (and all others who have gone through a similar loss), we all deal with this in our own way. Some can cope straightaway, others need more time, love and support to get through it. I have found that opening up my heart to others has helped me a lot. Since my wife's passing, I have never spent so much time answering messages, phone calls and visitors. This has been very heartening but I plan to have some time away the week after the funeral. This will be mainly on my own (will visit a couple of relatives who couldn't make it) as I just need that quiet "me time" to reflect on the last 6 years and our happier times during our 48 years of marriage.
I hope you can all find your own ways through your grief so best wishes.
Phil