Two Weeks.......

Mameeskye

Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
1,669
55
NZ
The weather has gone from anticyclonic gloom, there have been some thunderstorms and rain showers, there have been hail storms, but I feel that there is a sunrise due to happen. I don't know when, but I know that it is there, hovering and waiting. Maybe the first day will be punctuated with wintery showers, then maybe a day of soft rain, but I think that eventualy there may be a summers day once more.

I miss her but Life is a circle and there will be more...

Mameeskye
 

helen.tomlinson

Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
541
Hello Mameeskye

You feel to be in a very spiritual place this morning Mameeskye. It's as if you are standing back and observing life and feelings rather than being right there in the midst of it all. Yes, the sunrise will come again. It is even possible that glories (more than you could even hope or dream for) will come too. But, oh, for the sunrise!

There seems to be a peace about you today.

Love Helen
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Mameeskye, my prayer for you is for a beautiful golden sunrise, and balmy summer days ahead.

Love and hugs,
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,389
Kent
Dear Mameeskye,

Life is a Circle, the Seasons are a Circle, emotions change with the Seasons and with the Experiences of Life.

You understand your emotions and that must be a source of help and strength.

Take care

Love xx
 

AJay

Registered User
Aug 21, 2007
123
Leics
Hi Mameeskye

I hope the sun rises for you soon and what a sunrise it will be.

If I put my mood into weather it's probably a little like it is today, grey but not raining, a little windy to move the dust and cobwebs around but a hint of spring in the air.

Hugs and love,

AJay xxx
 

helen.tomlinson

Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
541
Hi Ajay

I think my mood today is governed by the weather. I feel grey but not bleak. I really am longing for some blue skies, a bit of warmth and to see my garden furniture out which is very cheerful. The sun energises me and today I don't have the kind of buzz that I like.

Love Helen
 

Mameeskye

Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
1,669
55
NZ
Ant tonight the weather is back to a gloomy sky with showers..memories from the Sound of Friday night is Music Night and my book of the Isle of Capri.

Hoping that the front passes overnight and it is brighter tomorrow.

Mameeskye
 

Mameeskye

Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
1,669
55
NZ
This morning was hard

I had to take the boys back to school. The last time I had done this was before the fateful phone call.

I also knew that there would be people there that would not know, that the question "Did you have a good Easter Holiday?" would be asked. I could feel the tears starting on the way into school.

The a song came on the car Radio. Co-incidence, but it was "High" by the Lighthouse Family. It was the song that used to keep me going ten years ago when Dad died. It made me feel though like someone was watching out for me as the pain threatened to overwhelm me again.

I got through the inevitable questions, but I do feel somewhat raw today.

Mameeskye
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,389
Kent
There are so many `firsts` following bereavement. :(

I`m sorry it wasn`t the easiest start to the day Mameeskye, but it`s all to be expected and `normal`.

Take care xx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Sheena, it must have been hard for you, but you got through it. That's one 'first time' out of the way. Well done!

How are your two sons? Is it going to be equally hard for them when their class mates talk about the holidays, or are they young enough to see it as something extra special to talk about? I hope for their sakes the latter, though that might be painful for you.

Do you think your mum sent that song for you?:)

Stay strong, you're doing great!

Love,
 

Mameeskye

Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
1,669
55
NZ
Hi Hazel

The boys enjoyed the funeral, so if they remember it they will probably tell them about it. 6 year old boys like all manner of horrible things and I think that this is just one of those things to them. Unluckily they have never really known my Mum as a loving Nana, so for them this loss was a remote one IYKWIM.

The impact upon them has really been from my mood, but we have lessened it to an extent with new lego, visits to their other grandparents when we had to do things and friends visiting.

That has alwasy been a huge source of my grief over Mum, from the time of diagnosis when the boys were 18 months..the fact that they would never really know either of my parents, cannot remember my childhood home, no family to tell them stories (my brother is not the world's greatest talker and storyteller and he is the only close relative, their cousin can remember a little but not much)

Still cousins of mine are thinking of travelling north In November so maybe there will be a chance to catch up then. I hope so.

Mameeskye
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
The boys enjoyed the funeral, so if they remember it they will probably tell them about it. 6 year old boys like all manner of horrible things and I think that this is just one of those things to them. Unluckily they have never really known my Mum as a loving Nana, so for them this loss was a remote one IYKWIM.
I suspected this would be the case. I imagine there will be a lot of oneupmanship over their Easter holiday stories. (Do they still do show and tell?)

It's much better that way for them, it's much harder to lose a much-loved Grandma when you're older.

I'm sure you'll fill in the family history gaps for them, and if they want an honorary Grandma, I'm available!:)

Love,
 

Mameeskye

Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
1,669
55
NZ
Hazel :):D:)

One of these days I may throw the boys in the bus (figuratively not literally...well not most days) and head to the south west for a visit!!! I'm sure that the boys would be delighted to have someone else to entertain and show off for!

One thing that I find really good is how many people commented on their good behaviour at the funeral. My friend who was looking after them did have to spend a wee while drawing pictures for L to copy during the eulogy but then he couldn't hear it well. He doesn't have a right ear as he has a condition called microtia and listening in an echoey hall environment is difficult for him. But, for all he normally bounces like Tigger, he was so good and quiet that day.

Today was sad as a yet another friend left who has been staying. I am finding goodbyes quite emotional at the moment and I almost ran away. I also spoke to the Home Manager today, who has become my friend over the years. She advises me that the money we collected instead of flowers is to be put to good use, a few more soother dolls which my Mum loved and some more plants and planters for the garden patio amongst other things.

It reminded me of the night I visited and there was Mum and two of the other ladies all fighting over who was next to get a turn of the Baby. They were all so gentle with the doll, and automatically adopted techniques many wouldn't have used for years.

We are also planning a night out for ourselves at some point as her parents live not too far away!

Life is moving on but the sadness is still there, along with a loss of concentration. I find work very difficult at the moment and stare into space for far too long. I don't know how much is grief and how much is this fluey cold. But the combination, especially when I don't have enough sleep is catastrophic.

So with that I really should head to bed.

love to all

Mameeskye
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hazel :):D:)

One of these days I may throw the boys in the bus (figuratively not literally...well not most days) and head to the south west for a visit!!! I'm sure that the boys would be delighted to have someone else to entertain and show off for!
Delighted to see you all, any time. There's a farm play park virtually across the road, which the boys would love! Toy shop attaches, unfortunately, so it tends to be an expensive outing! But they do have brilliant activities -- and toys!:eek:

Well done them for behaving so well at the funersl, you must be so proud of them.

They have one of those dolls in John's home too. Some of the ladies prefer their cuddly toys, but what amazes me is that there is a large Irishman of very uncertain temper, and he'll sit for hours and cuddle the doll and stroke its hair, with such a gentle expression.


Life is moving on but the sadness is still there, along with a loss of concentration. I find work very difficult at the moment and stare into space for far too long. I don't know how much is grief and how much is this fluey cold. But the combination, especially when I don't have enough sleep is catastrophic.
Goodness, don't worry about that, it's no time at all yet. You're bound to feel sad that your friends have left -- but we're still here!:D

Have you seen the GP about that cold? I know they don't like to give out antibiotics these days, but it has hung on for such a long time, maybe those bugs need something stronger than whisky?

Night night, God bless,

Love,
 

debby13

Registered User
Oct 15, 2007
41
Hi Mameeskye

I am so sad for you and your loss, you are alwasys such a wonderful comfort to others that I wish I could say something to you to make you feel better to. I loved your story about your Mum and the dolls (what are these??) sounds really sweet and how wonderful if it gives people comfort. You really shouldn't beat yourself up about anything especially not work. Not suprised you can't concentrate I think it would be a miracle if you could! Your children sound lovely give them a cuddle, have a nice bath, read some trash, put a face mask on and have some yummy treats! Works for me...

thinking you xxx