My grandma passed away early hours of Sunday morning. She died peacefully but it was so sudden and the home she was in would not allow more than one of us inside to say goodbye. My mum obviously took priority as this is her mum but we were both devastated that I couldn’t say goodbye when we have been so close my whole life.
due to Covid we have not been able to hug or kiss her or be within 4 metres of her for 8 months and because of her dementia, FaceTime and phone calls weren’t an option.
We feel robbed of a moment where we could have held her hand and told her we loved her as she passed away. We feel robbed of the last 8 months of her life whilst she had no idea what was going on. We are constantly thinking ‘what if she did remember us and in that moment thought that we had abandoned her’. It’s soul crushing to begin to think about.
I got to visit her in the chapel or rest today and chose to have the coffin open. I thought this would bring me closure but it did the complete opposite. She didn’t look like the granny I know and love so much and I felt she wouldn’t have wanted us to see her like that so we left the room after 30 seconds. It is so painful knowing that the closest I got to be with her in 8 months is when she is resting in a coffin.
I feel angry at the system and how the elderly have been barricaded away from us (I know for their own safety but my granny would have wanted to share her last moment with us at least), I feel sad that the last time I kissed her was 8 months ago and didn’t know this would be the last time. I am really struggling to come to terms with all of this and not sure if I ever will
due to Covid we have not been able to hug or kiss her or be within 4 metres of her for 8 months and because of her dementia, FaceTime and phone calls weren’t an option.
We feel robbed of a moment where we could have held her hand and told her we loved her as she passed away. We feel robbed of the last 8 months of her life whilst she had no idea what was going on. We are constantly thinking ‘what if she did remember us and in that moment thought that we had abandoned her’. It’s soul crushing to begin to think about.
I got to visit her in the chapel or rest today and chose to have the coffin open. I thought this would bring me closure but it did the complete opposite. She didn’t look like the granny I know and love so much and I felt she wouldn’t have wanted us to see her like that so we left the room after 30 seconds. It is so painful knowing that the closest I got to be with her in 8 months is when she is resting in a coffin.
I feel angry at the system and how the elderly have been barricaded away from us (I know for their own safety but my granny would have wanted to share her last moment with us at least), I feel sad that the last time I kissed her was 8 months ago and didn’t know this would be the last time. I am really struggling to come to terms with all of this and not sure if I ever will