Trust my instincts?

[Kerryblue]

Just wondering what others think please? My mum has been in a care home for around four months now. I chose this home because I believed mum would be encouraged to join in activities ( downstairs).
I have found out now that there are no activities at all upstairs in the dementia unit where mum is.

My last three visits have found her in her room crying. She always has her clothes everywhere and "ready to come home".

I asked today at reception for an update from the recent GP visit which I requested last week about her ear pain only to find out that no GP had called as promised. No record of my concerns. No record of any update on mum.

I was met with hostility from reception staff. As though I was bothering them for asking.

My mum's short term memory is non existent. Today I visited her in between two separate hospital appointments for me. She unwrapped some biscuits from her bedside drawer that she had placed there in tissue four times in two minutes, each time being surprised at what she found.

I feel this home is not caring and I don't know what to do. My complaints seem to be met with a blank. I am looking to move mum but worried each day at what I find. Yet again today a water jug but no cup. Small things but this is happening again and again. There seems no communication between staff and after four months I am treated as a stranger by admin staff.

I have asked for notice period. No one bothered to get back to me. As usual. No response. Empty promises.
I asked for a meeting with manager. Again. No one called me back. I'm exhausted and want her out. But if I complain I fear they will give up on my mum completely.

Mum just wants to go home but she doesn't remember home at all.
I feel some carers are lovely there but they have such sporadic shifts there is no continuity at all. No hangovers. No nothing. I'm really concerned.

 

[LadyA]

It certainly sounds like a concerning situation. Do you have any record of your contacts with staff and requests for a meeting with the Manager? If not, I think it's important to start leaving a "paper trail" . Every thing, from now on, even if you've told them, follow it up in writing or by email - " further to our conversation on dd/mm/yyyy, I would like to confirm ......"

Did you or someone else sign a Contract when your mum moved in? I'm sure the notice period would be addressed in that.

 

[love.dad.but..]

No one wants to move their pwd as it is usually last resort but for me from what you have described I would have concerns about this home and lack of communication with you. A good home will welcome good communication from you and in turn address or explain any issues you may have. Whether or not residents on the dementia floor can or want to join in activities is neither here nor there...the home should be providing all residents with opportunities. Dad never wanted to join in but was always included but left to wander off or nod off if he wished but the activities staff always tried with group things and tapped into individual activities for him. Is admin your first point of contact on such matters as GP? I would expect those aspects of your mum' care to be handled and communicated by a senior carer or the like. The home should have a care plan for your mum which you should have been involved in when she first started and any changes or requests by you should be noted and a brief daily record of your mum' care noted. Continuity of care and handing over key information between shifts and staff is so important. The terms of notice period will be contained in the contract. I would start looking at other homes, give notice and keep a close eye on things

 

[SnowWhite]

I am so cross reading this Kerryblue because this is exactly how my Mums care home was after the initial honeymoon period. They couldn't have cared less once I'd signed a contract and set up a standing order. There was zero communication and every time I asked anything I was made to feel like I was being difficult. I repeatedly asked for meetings and we never had one. The best I ever got was a few words in the corridor where they barely listened to me and then said "we will look into it." But they never did. We found the same with Activities which their brochure said happen every afternoon, but they don't! I know it wasn't just me as other families told me the same. You describe it as "exhausting" and that's just how I would describe it.

I am assuming you have a contract as she's been there four months so check It out (I think it's usually a months notice) look at as many other homes as you can and keep an eye on what's going on there. Does your Mum have a social worker?

 

[Babymare01]

Hello there. I wish I had gone with my gut instinct Mum was in a care home that was at best "ok" but the level of staffing was not always good and always a lot of different agency staff. Often she looked unclean. the interaction wasn't good. She fell out of bed once and the paramedics felt she had been there on the floor for several hours when I found her but I was afraid to say anything in case mum suffered more.

After another awful fall mum was deemed needing Nursing care - now bed ridden amongst other things - so I had to find a home that offered Nursing care and I found a gem. Its a big Georgian house (22 residents when full). A little tired in the décor but so warm cosy and homely. The staff are amazing, many being there for a good number of years. The level of care, love and compassion (To the relatives of PWD as well) is just wonderful. Mum always look clean. It truelly is a gem. Its a bit of a joke with the chef now to find different meals that can be pureed for mum (She is vegertarian) and mums served wonderful meals and is putting weight on

So my advice to you is go with that gut instinct - I wish I had because mums current home offers placement to residents with dementia but not requiring nursing care.

x

 

[malengwa]

If you are really concerned about the quality of care, you should consider a complaint to CQC. Few people want to complain for fear of how they may be treated but sometimes if people don't raise it, nothing changes. The care home must have a complaints procedure. Keep your dates and responses then put your concerns in writing. Keep copies of everything. Contact CQC.

I work in early years and it's exactly the same thing. Parents have the best position to complain but don't and bad nurseries never change. Same with care homes.
great ones are great, bad ones just scrape by hoping noone says anything.

And yes move your mum if you can find somewhere. Mum am paying a bit more for where she is now, but so far she is being well looked after so it's well worth it.

 

[LizK]

My husband's NH is solely for dementia and Alzheimer's yet there are 3 full time activity staff. If residents are not capable of joining in, there are "pampering sessions where the ladies get their nails cut cleaned and nail varnish applied. They love choosing the colour from around 40 pots. They then have hand and nail cream smoothed in. Also animals birds and reptiles are brought in regularly: and once a donkey! He managed to dirty the carpet despite having a bag attached to his nether regions. Like children, that produced the biggest laugh! We've had singers of all sorts, once a week usually and even a dancer. There is an activity room for the more able, with painting crafts and jigsaws available. The fact that they have dementia is no excuse for not having any activities. Having said that, my husband shows no interest in any of it.
Liz

 

[LizK]

Correction - It was a Shetland Pony not a donkey!
Liz

 

[Kerryblue]

Thank you everyone for your much valued advice x sorry can't reply at this moment tomeach of you. Today we visited again ( after trying to yesterday). In the space of an hour two men visited my mum's room on five occasions. No one saw this and my brother had to escort them out on each occasion.

Mum is more confused than ever. I reported to the so called duty manager. She said they can get a gate for mums door way. She said it was a facilities issue and that the maintain maintanence manger was on holiday for two weeks. I am reaching the end. This is not good enough. I have found a new home for mum. I see such a worrying lack of care at the weekend at this place. Really worried.

 

[love.dad.but..]

In a dementia care home is not unusual for other residents men and women to wander into other residents rooms, my dad would do this - nothing meant by it he wasn't threatening but because of his dementia he didn't recognise his or anyone else's room. However good staff are looking out for this and can guide them or move them, it is impossible to stop unless the rooms are locked which is fine if the occupant is in the lounge but in dads NH for understandable safety reasons this was not allowed if the resident was in their room...ie dad didn't have any understanding of how to turn a door handle let alone unlock. A pressure mat in the door way could alert your mums CH staff that someone is entering but then again they have to be willing to respond. Is your mum mobile enough to try to climb over the stairgate which would present a risk and possibly a risk in event of fire evacuation and also stop her freedom of moving around the home. Sorry...but I still think this home is not good enough and if you are having to question things then they have lost your trust which is essential for you to have peace of mind that she is being well looked after. Personally, if you have found a good dementia CH that can take your mum now I wouldn't even see out the notice period if you are so worried about what you have seen this weekend and make Adult safeguarding team aware of your concerns so they can check on other residents if you feel it is serious

 

[Raggedrobin]

I agree, go with your instincts. If she is not settled, better to move her somewhere else.

 

[susanandliam]

I can only say that I was in a similar position some time ago. I placed mum in a home which seemed great. However the manager left, there were none of the promised activities to speak of and what was there seemed to be provided for 'outside service users' as they termed it rather than residents of the home. Poor mum kept saying she couldn't stay there wanted to leave and go home.

I raised safeguarding issues with social services and cqc.

The home didn't pick up Uris I had to get the urine samples as they didn't and then they'd forget to send the samples off. I was frightened to change care homes as I'd heard it could have a bad effect on the person who was moved.

I'd visited another home previously but delayed moving mum for about four months as I was concerned about moving her.

The final time they failed to pick up a UTI as soon as I walked in I could tell she was really unwell that was it.

I moved mum to the other home and whilst there will always be things that aren't perfect this place is like heaven for mum. She settled really quickly after some initial anxiety has never said she wants to leave has plenty of activity in a calm caring environment.

My only regret which gives me dreadful guilt is that I didn't move her sooner and that she suffered unnecessarily which I will carry with me.

Please follow your gut reaction and move her. Please also report you concerns to cqc and social services the only way to stop these homes getting away with this is to report them.

I subsequently found out that the cqc were investigating numerous complaints about the first home and it went from good to needing improvement.

 

[Cybersis]

Always go with your instincts. We should have gone with ours on the first fall momma had at the nursing facility. We should have taken her somewhere else or home. First week she was there she fell three times. The third she broke her leg. She had to have surgery. After that her dementia got worst and she needed more care. We had planned to only keep her there for the twenty days the insurance pays while she recuperated from her pneumonia. It did not work out that way. We did move her to another facility in another town about 15 miles away. We were able to go visit her there every day since it was so close. She had no falls there. However, the other one was in our home town and we could pop in and out all day.