Travel restrictions mean I can't see Mum

[CocoChanel]

Mum passed away in a German care home last Thursday with one of my sisters at her side. She'd been given end of life care for four days, and while it was a 'blessed relief', it has now left me feeling broken.
Due to current travel restrictions I was unable to get to mum before she passed away (my sister told me on the Tuesday evening that mum would receive her last rites on Wednesday). I managed to FaceTime mum with my sister's help on Wednesday, but she was so dosed up with morphine that she didn't acknowledge me.
When my sister called on Thursday to tell me that mum had passed away, I immediately started looking into whether I could get over to Germany to see her one last time before the funeral.
I can't / couldn't. Germany has strict laws meaning that the funeral / cremation must take place within 10 days of death. But all travellers entering Germany must quarantine for 10 days. So, even if I travelled there, I wouldn't be able to see mum.
I'm not the only one. I have three other siblings her in the UK that are in the exact same boat.
My sister in Germany has said her goodbyes. There will be no memorial service. Mum's body will be transported to the crematorium and cremated with none of her family present.
I've started having all sorts of strange thoughts about whether she really was at end of life, or whether the care home simply saw her off because she was so much work for them (she had to be kept calm with medication because she would get agitated and loud toward the end, crying out for help all of the time).
I know it's irrational of me to think so, but it's being compounded by the fact that I can't see mum one last time before she's gone.
Not sure what I'm asking for in terms of advice, really. I just had to get it off my chest.

 

[nae sporran]

Condolences on the loss of your mum, CocoChanel. So hard for you grieve when you can't attend the funeral.

 

[canary]

Im so sorry to hear about your mum. It is hard losing someone at the best of times and covid is just making everything so much harder. Im sure you are aware that denial and the need to blame someone is one of the stages of grief. Be gentle with yourself.

Perhaps when restrictions are lifted the whole family could get together and hold a service of celebration for your dads life. Its what I had decided to do if OH died during the lockdown.

 

[Bunpoots]

I’m sorry for your loss @CocoChanel . It must be very difficult to comes to terms with the loss of a loved one without the closure we expect in normal times.

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry for your loss - especially in such difficult circumstances. Sending my condolences and wishing you strength.

 

[thistlejak]

Sorry for your loss.
Not that it will be much consolation but would you be able to get a video link to the funeral. We are having this tomorrow for FIL funeral as his sister and sister in law are too ill to attend and there are other relatives that cannot be there due to restriction in numbers.
We are planning a family get together later on when circumstances allow.

 

[nellbelles]

My sincere condolences @CocoChanel for your loss, and wishing you strength for the coming days..

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I am so sorry for your loss @CocoChanel. it's so difficult at any time but I understand how you are feeling. Please remember that your sister was there so there wasn't anything untoward done. I know how these thoughts can come up but you are only punishing yourself.

 

[CocoChanel]

Thank you, all.
Mum was cremated on Monday. My sister - who was there when Mum passed away - has also been having irrational thoughts, so I guess that's just part of the grieving process.
Thank you for your kind responses.