Dear
@BertyBinder,
I cared for dad at home until after half a dozen falls and three 'escapes' I could no longer care for him. I did use carers but we ended going through two agencies.
At first my youngest brother and I looked at care homes for respite and we found a lovely one near us where the manageress came round to meet dad and our wonderful friends here suggested that I
introduce her as a friend. The meeting went very well with dad on his best behaviour and we were invited for a visit.
The first visit was an hour long although dad was supposed to stay for tea. He kept going for the door and I thought there could be a problem but the manageress suggested another visit lasting a whole morning this lasted a bit longer and although dad aimed for the door they were willing to accept for respite.
Each time we went to the home I made out we were visiting and when he went for respite my brother took a suitcase to his room. I took some more items the night before and unpacked the suitcase (my brother didn't do this) arranged things in his room. I suggest bringing photo albums and personal effects to make it feel like home. Also don't forget treats. The next day I told dad we were going to see our friend again and we arrived just after 10.00
am and just in time for an activity.
I was able to make a discreet exit and took the advice of dementia friends and I didn't see him for two weeks but my brothers came as soon as they could.
I felt terribly guilty leaving him there but I knew that I needed the break. A fortnight later I collected him and he had settled in so well I had trouble getting him out. He ended going back in permanently after another fall and whilst he said this he won't stay very long just before going into the home. He forgot about me as soon as he saw his friends. I had a final meeting with dementia friends and we decided that this time it had to be permanent. The elder of my two brothers wasn't happy eventhough I thought I had talked him round. I felt grief taking over but I knew it was for the best. My friends and pupils helped me through this and I felt relief as well. I also looked to seeing dad's happy face whenever I visited and when had many happy outings.
MaNaAk
PS: Please keep posting to let us know how you get on.