Since Jan has been in care I have tried to visit her every day; we've been together for 39 years altogether and I couldn't do anything else. One or two other friends have visited her on occasion, but most people have been conspicuously absent for the three years. Some of these have been close family - sisters, nieces, etc. I've gnashed my teeth about this, but accepted that it is their loss. Jan is in a very advanced condition now, but is still such a lovely person. The line people give is often "I want to remember her as she was" or "I just couldn't bear to see her like she is now". Well, last weekend I drove for 3 hours to pick up her sister to drive her the 3 hours back to see Jan. [then to stay over a couple of days to get more visits in, then to do the 6 hour round trip once more] As it was the first time for 4 years she had seen Jan - and last time Jan could walk, talk, see, comprehend [mostly] - it was bound to be a shock as all of these faculties have gone now. There were tears, of course. At the end of 3 visits her sister said "I've been such a coward, but it is terrible to see Jan like this". She also said how glad she was that she had visited her, that it made her feel better, not only for having made some contact with her sister, but also for having been able to see that everything is being done for her sister that could possibly be done. If anyone reading this has hesitated about visiting someone who has Alzheimer's or another dementia, why not just give one visit a try?