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Tired of running someone else's life

Girlonthehill

Registered User
Jan 1, 2015
32
Dorset
Not posted anything for a while, but weekends always get me down, so sorry in advance because this is going to sound very selfish, but I just wish someone could tell me how much longer I'm going to be running Mum's life as well as my own. She's 91, been living with us for over 4 years, but I've really been caring for her since my Dad died in 2000 and, looking back, I think her Az started soon after that. Logically, I know that no-one can tell me how long - not actually expecting anyone to have an answer, but I guess I'm really asking if anyone else feels the same way?
Yep, yep and thrice yep! Was just thinking today when will I get some me time!!
Make time for yourself, easier said than done but I took half an hour in the garden today with a book, ignored everyone and everything and boy, did I feel better
,
 

Bassetlaw Badge

Registered User
Oct 30, 2012
52
Yep, yep and thrice yep! Was just thinking today when will I get some me time!!
Make time for yourself, easier said than done but I took half an hour in the garden today with a book, ignored everyone and everything and boy, did I feel better
,
Nice one girlonthehill - hope you get the chance again soon. Jx
 

Margaret79

Registered User
May 11, 2010
2,077
Wisbech, Cambridgeshire
Oh Adcat, please book me in FOC of course!! What a wonderful idea :D:D

Luckily MIL still asleep this morning, making up for having got up at 3am yesterday, shame I can't do the same - knackered here!

Will have to wake her up soon as she needs a shower and has an apt for an ecg at 2pm, would love to leave her and have a few more hours peace :D:D

Onwards and upwards. BTW mine's a gin when I arrive at Utopia :D:D:D
 

mancmum

Registered User
Feb 6, 2012
402
Me too - and I've just had ten days off ...which sort of made it worse

I agree with everything everyone else has said and I know I have it so much better than a lot of folk. The really telling commment is 'how long and we got' I did the right thing I know, I could not have placed father in a care home when mother died.

My kids saw a family that cared about everyone but I will not carry on once my partner retires but the weekends are tough. I imagine everyone out there enjoying themselves when I am doing things that 80 year olds do.

The lovely volunteers at our 'good neighbours centre' organised some music outside and you could bring your own bottle so it was cheap last friday. It was just good to be out.

Sometimes when kids are away at uni we celebrate family events via skype. We'll all have a meal together and it is almost like being there. Anyone fancy a Skype glass of wine (or whatever) one evening? PM me if interested. There are several names I recognise. Because I live in the city there is an opportunity to go to carers groups etc but I get a bit overwhelmed sometimes by the people who are like saints whereas I am driven to do this but am not necessarily very good at it.
 

Jimsbird

Registered User
Jun 6, 2015
3
Great Idea

kevini!!! :eek:
I have another idea, maybe we should all move into a collective living space like a posh retirement village for TP and loved ones only!
It would be great as we're all in the same boat and no-one else seems to understand. No-one would be lonely at the weekend and someone would naturally be awake 24/7.
My imagination is currently running wild! I'm thinking colour schemes, woodland walks, wonderful menus (we would have a 24/7 catering service with a Michelin star chef who offers service as a volunteer - naturally!
Great Idea - When can I join up to this utopian living !
 

Bassetlaw Badge

Registered User
Oct 30, 2012
52
Morning!

I keep revisiting this thread as it makes me giggle and the thought occurred to me: does our 'utopia' actually exist on some scale? By this I don't mean James Martin cooking dinner for two (me and Mr Martin, ahem) on a Saturday night and 24/7 spa treatments, but some form of 'Dementia Butlins' where we are all in the same boat - albeit at different stages in the journey?

It seems a pretty good business idea for someone with a bit of cash to splash: a holiday village catering to us carers and the people we care for. Instead of Kids Club we get Respite Club and the entertainment programme could be themed for the people we care for. Is it 50's night? Oh, it must be a Tuesday!

I really must switch off thinking about these things......................
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,051
GLASGOW
Sounds like a great idea to me. Center Parcs for carers. If i ever win tgeceuro millions i will try to make it real. The only flaw in this plan is constantly forgetting to buy a ticket!
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,051
GLASGOW
On another note i recently saw a posting on buzzfeedcwhere one of my ideas came true. Its a carehome with an under 5 yr daycare centre attached. They do arts and crafts and music together. The ols people read to the kids and the kids get one to one attention. Everyone benefits and the kids give everyone something to look forward to and talk about. If only we had this in the uk.
 

mownkee

Registered User
Jul 23, 2014
5
Formby
Tired of thinking for my husband 24/7

I am new to this site. My husband of 34 years aged 58 has Alzheimers. He has been diagnosed for about 2 years now. When I look back over time he has had this coming on for at least 4 years before he was diagnosed. It took me forever to actually get a diagnosis. Same old same old, they thought he had Post traumatic stress, then they thought it was depression etc etc.
I pushed and pushed with the consultants and wouldnt let it go as I knew 'something' was going on with him but couldnt get a diagnosis.

I am finding it impossible to deal with. My husband has always been busy building houses, renovating properties, selling and doing the same again. We have had a nice life, horses, holidays nice home. And now in no time at all he has really progressed to the point that he can't do anything himself. I have to watch him all of the time as he leaves taps running. He picks things up ie keys never to be found again. He is impossible to feed. Everything that is put in front of him he pulls his nose up and complains. He was always such a smartly dressed man and now he looks dishevelled, needs reminding to shave, shower etc.

I work part time whilst I am at work my 30 year old son is at home to watch my husband.

My husband doesnt want to do anything he would be quite happy to stay in bed all day. He's not interested in doing anything. He watches tv all day. If he does actually go out for a walk he wants to get home.

He refuses point blank to join a support group.

He is just impossible. I really don't know what to do. This sounds so selfish but I am not sure how long I can deal with the situation.

He can't go into a home as I don't think he is at that point but how long can we go on living like this.