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Tired of running someone else's life

Adcat

Registered User
Jun 15, 2014
287
London
kevini!!! :eek:
I have another idea, maybe we should all move into a collective living space like a posh retirement village for TP and loved ones only!
It would be great as we're all in the same boat and no-one else seems to understand. No-one would be lonely at the weekend and someone would naturally be awake 24/7.
My imagination is currently running wild! I'm thinking colour schemes, woodland walks, wonderful menus (we would have a 24/7 catering service with a Michelin star chef who offers service as a volunteer - naturally!
 

Pear trees

Registered User
Jan 25, 2015
441
I was told by a clairvoyant that my 87 year old mother who has had worsening dementia for 3 years will live till she is 93. The thought of 5 more years of repeating myself every 10 minutes, finding food in wierd places, being accused of starving her and getting smacked for trying to clean the house does not appeal at all. Tomorrow I'm taking her to the hairdressers, buying her clothes and shoes, and home with fish and chips but she will not be at all grateful insisting that 'no one does anything for me, no one comes to see me' all day!
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
Wow, this thread rings bells with me!

I am aware that I tend to post somewhat idealised accounts of sitting knitting, listening to music etc with my 93 year old mum. Like some other posters, I'm of the "if not me, then who?" tendency ;)

I do tend to post less about the more difficult times, eg the faecal incontinence....and the delusions.....Mum told me today that she had killed a budgie because it had had got cold in a draft, because her windows had been blown in by bomb blasts!!

More importantly, I kind of skim over the way I neglect my husband and children. My OH is an absolute star, but he does get frustrated by the effective loss of our retirement years. And my daughter, who is getting married this year, always puts her nan first as well. We all feel guilty, frustrated and defeated by mum's illness. It's not her fault, of course, so we carry on.....but it's so touching to hear that others feel as we do ....

Lindy xx
 

Adcat

Registered User
Jun 15, 2014
287
London
Utopia darlings! Thats what we need!
It 9 at night. I have tonsillitis and I feel horrid. I did have a cry this morning ;) Dad wants to visit the neighbours ( he's currently back in 1947 rural Ireland) I have to change his bed sheets but first I am drinking Lemsip. Yuk.
So, I am dreaming of the TP collective village. In this utopia, one of you darlings will totally understand and would have taken dad off to the TP pub - what he was used to doing - to meet the 'boys'. It was never about drinking. I could finish my Lemsip in peace and then have a sneaky cup of tea with a huge bar of milk chocolate. Meanwhile the house keeping service employed by the TP collective would have changed dads sheets to a luxurious Egyptian cotton thread count whilst running me a huge bubble bath (bubbles totally essential and smelly candles). I could then relax safe In the knowledge that dad was ok with one of 'the boys' and I would probably have the best sleep of my life! I would then wake up at least 8 hours later looking totally radiant!!! (My usual look is ghostly with big black rings under my eyes). My other half would of course be totally captivated! (Usually he says 'you look a bit rough')
I can advise the beauty industry - free of charge - that's it's all about sleep!
So folks, think Utopia! :D
X
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,051
GLASGOW
So good to hear everyones honesty here. Im nearly 50 and have list my 40s and my childrens best years to caring for my mother. Even before vas dementia aand alz it was depression and borderline personality disorder. I feel i was only be totally free when she is either in 24hr care or dead. The thought of another 10 years of my life wasted terrifies me but i think we have 2 or 3 at most. She had 5 weeks in hospital recently and i slept like a log every night. She hated it but i cried when social services deemed her fit to return home. We have now had 3 weeks of her home with x3 carers a day and its starting to unravel. Headache, stomach ache and insomnia are all back. How long till this breaks me? Will i hold thr distance? Will my family and OH?
 

Dustycat

Registered User
Jul 14, 2014
215
North East
No body has a clue about what it's like. My Dad is now in care after a tough few years with both my parents. My Mam sadly died last year. People say ww will be able to have a holiday which in theory is true but no one else cares to visit Dad so if we are away he will have no visitors. Also I don't think I would enjoy a holiday as I would still be thinking about him all of the time and the problems are still there when I come back. It's like they think it's a magic pill and everything will be alright. I think if I got on a plane I wouldn't come back.. ....... x
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
Utopia! That's it, of course! :D I used to dream of communal living when I was young ( in the sixties...:eek:) but never thought it would be so appealing in this situation.....well thought out Adcat! :D

Meanwhile I'm sending hugs, mugs of tea, chocolate, scented candles, pints of Peroni, or whatever floats your boat, to everyone :) Including you, of course, Quilty :)

Take care

Lindy xx
 

Bassetlaw Badge

Registered User
Oct 30, 2012
52
Adcat, Lindy - you cheeksters. Utopia it is. However, you seem to have missed the TP housekeeping services need to do OUR washing and ironing too while we are enjoying our bath complete with candles. But James Martin needs to take a break from cooking my dinner to come and scrub my back. :p

While we're at it, can we contact the TP Salon so I can get a haircut and strim my legs? All foc of course due to the restricted hours I now work...........

Love it. L O V E I T

:D

Oh, and the bomb blast budgie - the best one I've heard in a while! You trump my random key giving out story hands down.
 
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Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
Adcat, Lindy - you cheeksters. Utopia it is. However, you seem to have missed the TP housekeeping services need to do OUR washing and ironing too while we are enjoying our bath complete with candles. But James Martin needs to take a break from cooking my dinner to come and scrub my back. :p

While we're at it, can we contact the TP Salon so I can get a haircut and strim my legs? All foc of course due to the restricted hours I now work...........

Love it. L O V E I T

:D

Oh, and the bomb blast budgie - the best one I've heard in a while! You trump my random key giving out story hands down.
Hi Bassetlaw Badge :)

I hadn't previously seen your posts about the keys, but I have now! Hope you're getting the locks and the memory clinic sorted....along with everything else, of course :) x

'The bomb blast budgie' - it does have a ring to it, doesn't it? Think I may use it as a shorthand for similar tales of the unexpected....:D

All the best

Lindy xx
 

Ginnykk5

Registered User
Jan 6, 2015
70
Hemel Hempstead
Haha

Just had a naughty thought, if we and those we cared for ended up in prison, we'd have a great time! Just think how our human rights would be catered for! No-one would get lost because security would be so good. Food and drink would be provided and we would get to see other people regularly! :D Let's all go to prison and put prisoners in some of the more questionable 'care homes' :D:D:D is that very bad of me? :confused:
hahahahaha, its crossed my mind too! shows how mad we have all become
 

Ginnykk5

Registered User
Jan 6, 2015
70
Hemel Hempstead
Yep, totally fed up running someone else's life. when mines gone to bed I just sit numb put tv on but hardly pay attention to it, my brain no longer can cope with all the stuff it has to juggle. All the time im listening out for mad things he might be doing, like leaving the hot tap running or getting up when he shouldnt.
it just never ever stops.
 

byrnedjp

Registered User
Mar 21, 2013
168
London
3 years in - no matter how bad it gets I just think of the alternatives ...there really aren't any . If you are doing this as a wife, husband , relative or friend then you are the best person to do what you do.

Just hold on for as long as you can = my life is on hold and I have no option open to alter that. If you cant do it anymore then at least you tried and gave the person you cared for some semblance of normality and genuine care.
 

JayGun

Registered User
Jun 24, 2013
291
Jay Gun, you're a mind reader. I had a house fire last month that I have no idea how or when I'll get round to sorting it. And I'm still wearing maternity clothes even though my 'baby' is four!
Thank goodness for TP so we don't have to pretend everything's ok.
I know. Me too. Much as I love the inspirational posts, the dead honest "no putting a brave face on it" ones are my favourites. :D
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,051
GLASGOW
Thanks for the kind words. Its been a hell of a day and this is so nice.

Utopia! That's it, of course! :D I used to dream of communal living when I was young ( in the sixties...:eek:) but never thought it would be so appealing in this situation.....well thought out Adcat! :D

Meanwhile I'm sending hugs, mugs of tea, chocolate, scented candles, pints of Peroni, or whatever floats your boat, to everyone :) Including you, of course, Quilty :)

Take care

Lindy xx[/

Abulance trip again to hospital with mum on the floor all night for the second time this year. Kind words almost floor me as I try to go on. Many thanks Lindy.QUOTE]
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,051
GLASGOW
I would move to Utopia tomorrow

Sounds great! Like life in the 50s when families lived near each other and neighbours helped look after each other. Maybe some day there will be a dementia village for everyone who needs it.

Until then stay strong guys.
 

Bassetlaw Badge

Registered User
Oct 30, 2012
52
I think I need a Utopia fix! Proper down in the dumps with myself tonight.

Any of this sound familiar?

I think if someone asked me at this moment in time what I wanted more than anything in this world it would probably be to have a day when I can sit down/sleep/go out (yes, really!) with the peace of mind that my father is being looked after appropriately by someone and I didn't have to think about dementia for a whole 24 hours.

But, if like me your reality is that you can't because you're needed by someone you love so very much, and you couldn't afford to go out and have a good time anyway as you can't work and earn anymore because you're a full time carer for someone who doesn't have an illness (because you can't get a diagnosis and nobody seems to be able to come up with any kind of advice or help with out situation).

Maybe when I get my house repossessed and I have a complete breakdown someone might listen to me? But why oh why should it have to get to that point?

Tomorrow is another day.