1. craftygirl

    craftygirl Registered User

    May 26, 2014
    3
    Portsmouth
    Sorry, need a bit of a rant. I know I'm not alone, so would welcome advice. I work full time and care for my dad who I live with. Thankfully he's only in the early stages, has carers AM and lunch, and has good and bad days. What I find so frustrating (apart from the usual communication problems etc), is finding time for me. People say to me, "come out for dinner tonight" cos they don't realise it needs planning. I've thought about attending groups and/or a café, but they're all during the day. I do things at home to relax, but I never go out any more. I was due to go away for a few days earlier in the year, but the care agency let me down on the extra calls so had to cancel.

    Rant and self pity over with for now - thanks for listening.

    Hugs and love to all of you affected by this horrible, horrible disease - whether you've been diagnosed yourself or are a carer.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,848
    Female
    Scotland
    This is neither rant or self pity - this is life. You are entitled to a life suitable for a person of your age. Social services would be obliged to take total care if you were not there. That does not mean that you need or want to walk away but it does mean they have to work with you to give you some life of your own.

    Request a carers assessment urgently to establish time to yourself. Do not be fobbed off and remind them they have a duty of care.
     
  3. Vix321

    Vix321 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2015
    21
    Social Services may be able to advise if there are any sitting services that can spend some time with your father so you can go out and get some time to yourself.

    I don't have a huge amount of other advice, I'm afraid, except to say that I sympathise, it's really difficult managing work and carer responsibilities.
     
  4. CynthsDaugh

    CynthsDaugh Registered User

    May 5, 2015
    140
    Salford, Lancashire
    I know how you feel. I'm in the same position working full time and caring for Mum, she goes to a care home for daycare while I'm at work. It's hard, and I feel guilty sometimes thinking I want my life back but am pleased I can pay her something back for all she's done for me in my life. I'll have a bit of a break on Sunday morning as my sister is visiting and will take Mum to church - can catch up on some TV programmes Mum doesn't like - believe me I'm looking forward to that!

    Hope you manage to get a bit of time to yourself soon.
     
  5. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    I find that, thanks to a very supportive brother and the fact that Mum and Dad don't need me 24/7 - yet - that I can have plenty of time away, I just can't afford to go see my friends or go out much.

    Carer's Allowance and Income Support don't help much when you have your own home, mortgage and household bills to pay. Most of my friends live far away and I feel life is passing me by. By the time this is over I will probably be in my 50s and am unlikely to get another job of any merit, despite having held management positions before. If we' had to see Mum and Dad's house to pay for their care I will struggle to pay my mortgage. I hate how mercenary that sounds but it's life.

    And I'm single. For now I have casual boyfriends and have fun when I can get away. I can't offer anything more for now. But when I'm looking for something more and my physical attraction is all gone who's going to want me?

    That's what I hate - resenting my parents for what I haven't missed out on yet. But I know I will.
     
  6. Mary111

    Mary111 Registered User

    Dec 4, 2015
    1
    #6 Mary111, Dec 4, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2015
    Carer stress

    I am very stressed looking after my mum who is nearly 90 and has dementia. It has got to the point where I am afraid to leave her on her own and although she goes to the daycentre a few times a week I watch her all the time and listen for her bed alarm at night. I know I am not rational as I am so stressed but finally I have had some respite care granted, told I can only have 4 weeks a year if I give up tea calls, which were supporting me to take mum to toilet, do medication etc as she resists my help but I will have to persuade her to accept my help now. I have a carer morning and evening each day and it seems with care from social services so hard to get accepted then I am lucky to have that. I am surprised it is so hard to get a break as I feel desperate for one and have gone well beyond the point of needing one as get tearful and stressed often and also unable to cope although of course I do cope. At least by posting this here I have shared my situation with others in the same one. I know that I will later be pleased that I have cared for my mum so feel guilty complaining as I am lucky she has lived to such a great age.
     
  7. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,206
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP Mary :)

    Don't let them fob you over over visits & respite. You need that support.
     

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