Throwing things away

emmi

New member
Nov 30, 2023
7
0
My husband now has dementia, not impacting too much on life at moment, still goes out on the bus on his own and has control of money but he throws things away for no reason, he threw my mini hifi away while I was on holiday coz he said he didn't like it, he keeps buying t shirts and socks then throws away the ones he has, I have took them out of the bin before now, apart from cost of doing this its very annoying, will he keep doing this ?
 

SAP

Registered User
Feb 18, 2017
1,115
0
Hi @emmi , no he won’t do this for ever but in the mean time keep looking out for things being discarded that you can save. My mum bought endless rolls of toilet paper and wash stuff…enough to set up my own business! It’s not uncommon behaviour and happens because the person forgets what they have, what they need and what has been bought. Unfortunately you are going to have to find a way of dealing with this without feeling annoyed for your own benefit and peace of mind. Maybe it’s time to ensure that he can spend money but keep a limit on it? This rather depends on the set up you have between you . Do you have a Lasting Power of Attorney in place? Now might be a good time to look at how the finances are managed and start making inroads into ensuring you can take over when the time comes.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
24,701
0
South coast
Im afraid that this is a common behaviour with dementia - they dont know who things belong to (those clothes certainly arnt theirs!!), or they dont know what they are (so it must be broken!!), so it worries them and they get rid of them to ease their anxiety.

Make sure that important documents and valuable items are put into a locked cupboard that he cant get into. Some people lock a whole room and keep things that they dont want the person with dementia to touch in there.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
5,227
0
High Peak
Another part of this to watch out for is hiding Precious Things so they will be 'safe' then forgetting and believing someone must have stolen them.

It's not a bad idea to consider what things you definitely wouldn't want to go missing (bank/financial info, wills, Power of Attorney, birth certficates, bank cards, jewellery, etc.) and quietly put them somewhere safe that you know about but he doesn't.

Sometimes Precious Things get hidden in bins (just for safekeeping, you understand!) or somewhere equally inappropriate...

Bet you're annoyed about the hi-fi though.
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
1,124
0
Mum threw away years of family photo's, the video of our wedding and a couple of keepsakes of my Dad's that I would have liked to have kept after he died.

If you know there are photos/documents anything that means something to you or your family then either make copies and squirrel them away somewhere safe or remove them and if asked say they have been lost.
 

emmi

New member
Nov 30, 2023
7
0
Another part of this to watch out for is hiding Precious Things so they will be 'safe' then forgetting and believing someone must have stolen them.

It's not a bad idea to consider what things you definitely wouldn't want to go missing (bank/financial info, wills, Power of Attorney, birth certficates, bank cards, jewellery, etc.) and quietly put them somewhere safe that you know about but he doesn't.

Sometimes Precious Things get hidden in bins (just for safekeeping, you understand!) or somewhere equally inappropriate...

Bet you're annoyed about the hi-fi though.
Its mainly his t shirts he throws away, done again today while I have been out, bought more and thrown ones away he bought a couple of weeks ago, I don't want him to stop in and not go out while he can but its costing a fortune..........as for hi fi he said would buy another, I said he could buy me a large rug instead lol
 

emmi

New member
Nov 30, 2023
7
0
Hi @emmi , no he won’t do this for ever but in the mean time keep looking out for things being discarded that you can save. My mum bought endless rolls of toilet paper and wash stuff…enough to set up my own business! It’s not uncommon behaviour and happens because the person forgets what they have, what they need and what has been bought. Unfortunately you are going to have to find a way of dealing with this without feeling annoyed for your own benefit and peace of mind. Maybe it’s time to ensure that he can spend money but keep a limit on it? This rather depends on the set up you have between you . Do you have a Lasting Power of Attorney in place? Now might be a good time to look at how the finances are managed and start making inroads into ensuring you can take over when the time comes.
He has his own money, we have separate accounts, he has done it again today, I know he can't help it but costing a fortune but I don't want to stop him going out while he can, I really don't know what to do about it
 

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
3,148
0
Kent
Hi @emmi
If at all possible, you'll have to sneak away his credit and/or cash cards so they can't be used. Then you may have a chance of limiting the money he has available, until this phase passes. If questioned, you say something along the lines that the cards had to go back to the bank.
Best wishes and a hug