My husband now has dementia, not impacting too much on life at moment, still goes out on the bus on his own and has control of money but he throws things away for no reason, he threw my mini hifi away while I was on holiday coz he said he didn't like it, he keeps buying t shirts and socks then throws away the ones he has, I have took them out of the bin before now, apart from cost of doing this its very annoying, will he keep doing this ?
Throwing things away
- Thread starter emmi
- Start date
Hi @emmi , no he won’t do this for ever but in the mean time keep looking out for things being discarded that you can save. My mum bought endless rolls of toilet paper and wash stuff…enough to set up my own business! It’s not uncommon behaviour and happens because the person forgets what they have, what they need and what has been bought. Unfortunately you are going to have to find a way of dealing with this without feeling annoyed for your own benefit and peace of mind. Maybe it’s time to ensure that he can spend money but keep a limit on it? This rather depends on the set up you have between you . Do you have a Lasting Power of Attorney in place? Now might be a good time to look at how the finances are managed and start making inroads into ensuring you can take over when the time comes.
Im afraid that this is a common behaviour with dementia - they dont know who things belong to (those clothes certainly arnt theirs!!), or they dont know what they are (so it must be broken!!), so it worries them and they get rid of them to ease their anxiety.
Make sure that important documents and valuable items are put into a locked cupboard that he cant get into. Some people lock a whole room and keep things that they dont want the person with dementia to touch in there.
Make sure that important documents and valuable items are put into a locked cupboard that he cant get into. Some people lock a whole room and keep things that they dont want the person with dementia to touch in there.
Another part of this to watch out for is hiding Precious Things so they will be 'safe' then forgetting and believing someone must have stolen them.
It's not a bad idea to consider what things you definitely wouldn't want to go missing (bank/financial info, wills, Power of Attorney, birth certficates, bank cards, jewellery, etc.) and quietly put them somewhere safe that you know about but he doesn't.
Sometimes Precious Things get hidden in bins (just for safekeeping, you understand!) or somewhere equally inappropriate...
Bet you're annoyed about the hi-fi though.
It's not a bad idea to consider what things you definitely wouldn't want to go missing (bank/financial info, wills, Power of Attorney, birth certficates, bank cards, jewellery, etc.) and quietly put them somewhere safe that you know about but he doesn't.
Sometimes Precious Things get hidden in bins (just for safekeeping, you understand!) or somewhere equally inappropriate...
Bet you're annoyed about the hi-fi though.
Mum threw away years of family photo's, the video of our wedding and a couple of keepsakes of my Dad's that I would have liked to have kept after he died.
If you know there are photos/documents anything that means something to you or your family then either make copies and squirrel them away somewhere safe or remove them and if asked say they have been lost.
If you know there are photos/documents anything that means something to you or your family then either make copies and squirrel them away somewhere safe or remove them and if asked say they have been lost.
Its mainly his t shirts he throws away, done again today while I have been out, bought more and thrown ones away he bought a couple of weeks ago, I don't want him to stop in and not go out while he can but its costing a fortune..........as for hi fi he said would buy another, I said he could buy me a large rug instead lol
Hi @emmi
If at all possible, you'll have to sneak away his credit and/or cash cards so they can't be used. Then you may have a chance of limiting the money he has available, until this phase passes. If questioned, you say something along the lines that the cards had to go back to the bank.
Best wishes and a hug
If at all possible, you'll have to sneak away his credit and/or cash cards so they can't be used. Then you may have a chance of limiting the money he has available, until this phase passes. If questioned, you say something along the lines that the cards had to go back to the bank.
Best wishes and a hug
Its been a while since on here, I have now started to give my husband £50 a week to spend which he does lol, all seems a bit better now in that department, a new problem has arisen, today was supposed to have an intrusive medical procedure but doctor wouldn't do it, said he lacked capacity to fully understand but he did understand, they said need power of attorney but that cost £600, anyway what my question is really going to be about is should we go back to having a joint bank account coz I think confiscating his card may be illegal 🙄🤔😲
Hi @emmi
It's all a question of whether he has mental capacity to deal with and understand money matters, spending, its effects etc.
The mental capacity is a matter for each specific decision.
If he doesn't have capacity then he can't really enter into legally binding contracts to purchase, and having no credit cards saves a lot of hassle. Example: friends, she is carer, and he has dementia, but can still do lots of things as its early days. However, he doesn't always realise what he's doing. On computer he saw some nice shoes he'd like, and so ordered a pair and used his credit card to pay. 10 days later a huge package arrived. Wife found he hadn't ordered a paid of shoes but by clumsy and heavy handed fingers on computer had ordered 111 pairs of shoes and hadn't even noticed the bill was £440 plus delivery!! Better off without a card to get him into trouble.
As to the Dr's decision, I am a little concerned.
If the Dr thought your OH had mental capacity then yes he would need his consent to the operation on the NHS standard patient consent forms. If, on going through these pages, the Dr realised he didn't have capacity then (a) if there is in place a Lasting Power of Attorney Health & Welfare, the Dr would need the consent of the Attorney or (b) if there is no LPoA H&W in place, then for a person without capacity, the medical decision to proceed or not is the Dr's decision as to what is in the patient's best interests medically.
If you want to get a LPoA H & W in place then you can only do so if your husband has the mental capacity to grant this and enter into the forms and you'd need a "certificate provider" to certify OH had capacity. If OH doesn't have capacity then he cannot grant a LPoA and you'd need, if you want to, to apply for a Deputyship Health & Welfare to the Court of Protection, with a Dr's letter of evidence that OH doesn't have capacity. You can do it online without a Solicitor if you want to and can cope with the forms and procedure. If you don't do that, then decision to any medical or dental procedure at any time is the Dr's or dentist's.
Best wishes
