This Is The Beginning Of The End Isn't It?


Registered User
Mar 31, 2008
Naples, Florida....USA
Hi....I am new here and I really need some help and some honest answers. My Father just turned 75 on March 21st. He has already been through the forgetful how to perform different tasks, forgetting words and having trouble forming complete sentences, making up words, not recognizing my Mom and myself....forgetting things we tell him....etc. He has been through the agressive/temperamental stage....he used to accuse Mom of stealing the Kleenex....he would get agitated by the slightest things. According to Mom one day when they were in the back yard tending to the flowers/plants etc....he got annoyed and chased her around the back yard with a shovel while their Great Dane was running around with one of the coconuts that had fallen from one of the palm trees....they live on a canal....can you imagine if a boat would have went by and saw that scene?? I have to laugh....I can just see it thing I have realized is that one must at times try and have a sense of humor when dealing with this illness. He has been through the "Sundowning" phase. He has been through all types of confusion....he would wake my Mom up at around 2 or 3 A.M. and tell her it was time for tea, he would be out looking for the mail on Sundays....there is no mail delivery here on Sunday..we have found him out wandering around in the yard in the middle of the night....and on one such occasion he peed in the front yard (please pardon me....I did not intend to offend anyone by being so blunt). He had a stroke last July and was placed in a rehab home for recovery. On November 10th 2007 while I was out of town my Mom had to take him to the ER....he was subsequently admitted to the hospital for an infection called C-Difficile....according to the Doctor that saw him this type of infection is only found in hospitals and rehab centers/nursing homes. Dad hasn't been home since. He is totally incontinent, he developed congestive heart failure....we were even told at one point that he had pneumonia ( this was some time during the two hospitals and the two rehab centers he was in)....he got bedsores and he developed diabetic ulcers on one foot. He went to see a vascular was either have the surgery and hope for the best or have his foot and possibly leg amputated....we opted for the surgery. Two of the veins were 100% blocked (they could do nothing with them) and the third vein was 90% blocked so they cleared that one. He had the surgery in February....he saw the Doc last week and the Doc said that the diabetic ulcers would heal over time. Dad can't eat without poor Mom goes to the facility almost every day and spends at least an hour trying to feed him lunch....hell someone even asked her if she was a social worker since she is there so often. Dad is 5'11" and is now down to a little over 140 lbs. When I saw him last weekend I couldn't believe how much he had deteriorated since the seven days when I saw him last. Last Friday my Mom called me at work and told me to come home that night instead of the next morning....she didn't think my Father would live through the weekend. He did....and I still can't believe his deterioration....I am going to the parents house (about 50 miles away) again Friday after work....I have no idea what his state will be. The Docs want to take him off the Aricept and Namemba (sp??)....they even suggested that he be taken off his cholesterol medication. He hasn't been able to talk much for the past two months....he just has a blank look on his face and if we are lucky he might say a word or two....he doesn't make much sense but at least it is a word or two. That is the situation. This is the beginning of the end....isn't it? I am trying to prepare myself....I come from a small family and most of my relatives passed away when I was a small child....I am almost 35 years old and I have never been to a funeral....I cry every day....I am devastated by what has happened to my Father and I am angry....he is such a good can this happen to him? It seems like all of the horrible stuff happens to the good people and the bad people never have a problem at all. I just don't is so unfair. This is the beginning of the end....isn't it?

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear silvergoblin,

Have the doctors said this is the beginning of the end, or is it how you feel?

You sound frightened as well as angry.

When you go home this weekend, see if you can see a doctor and make sure everything is being done to help your father. It is important he has no pain and is as comfortable as possible.

I hope you can be strong to support your mother, she has obviously been through the mill.

Try not to be angry. It doesn`t really help. Just make the most of your father while you still have him.

Love xx


Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
Hi Silvergoblin

With regard to your question "This is the beginning of the end, isn't it?" I've been reading people's experiences on this site (TP) and there are such varying experiences. I imagine though that it can't be the beginning of recovery as such. You talked about all the stages your father has been through and I'm wondering whether you are hoping or wondering whether this is another of those stages?? We read about C.Dif. a lot here in the UK and it certainly does seem "Difficult" to recover from and when one has other health issues as well - I would wonder myself.

Of course you dread what you are going to experience when you go back to see him but I can't think that there could be an easy way round this. If your parents are connected to internet, perhaps you could use TP to let out some of the pain and anguish and to gather as much support as you can.

Reaching out to you and sending love and kind wishes



Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi silvergoblin

It does sound as if you dad is in the final stages of the disease, but as you will know if you have read other posts, this final stage can last days, months, years.

Your dad is deteriorating so quickly just now because of his infection. Any infection can have devastating effects on someone with dementia. But C. Diff can be cured, with proper care, and your dad may return to where he was before.

I say 'may', because no-one really knows, even the medics.

But Sylvia's right, you should talk to the doctor and ask his/her views. Unfortunately you're unlikely to get an appointment at the weekend!:eek:

Talk to your mum, let her know how you feel, and encourage her to talk to you. You can be such a support for each other.

And please don't be angry. These infections are everywhere. My husband contracted MRSA in a very well-run nursing home. (And is now clear).

Of course, if you have issues with the cleanliness of the hospital, you should take it up with them, but however clean the hospital, any visitor can bring in the infection.

I hope things are not too bad this weekend. Let us know how it goes.