This is so hard, im so worn out!

[VonVee]

My Mum's been with us now since January, and all in all its been going alright pretty much and its so much better than when she was in sheltered accom, which was a complete nightmare,

But.... And theres always a but isn't there...

I am feeling overwealmed, its exhausting.

Ok! i knew that being a full time carer, wouldn't be easy, and i know its important for carers to have some "me time" but i literally dont have the time for myself, i do try to find some space for myself, but it's so hard finding the time.

I feel like a headless chicken at the moment, trying to juggle the kids, the dogs, mum, and then all the phone calls from the social workers and school attendence and district nurses, its just all to much and i dont know whether im coming or going.

Everytime im seeing to mum, i hear the same thing over and over again on a daily basis, shes less confused since shes been here with us as shes getting stimulation overload, but she does have her off days, and she mentions the same things all the time, keeps asking me where (Don) is (my dad) and i tell her the same answer all the time, im not joking, she must ask me about Dad around 20 times a day, and i cant seem to forget it you know i cant seem to move on because mum brings it up all the time, and im finding it hard.

Im in limbo, no other word for it, and it sucks.

 

[SEY]

VonVee hugs because I feel your pain. I'm not having a good time with my Mum today. Mental exhaustion and physical exhaustion! Mum is obsessed with the day centre at the moment. She goes once a week on a Tuesday but thinks she goes everyday. She got up at 11pm last night and tried to dress so she wouldn't be late. Like you, she has asked me endlessly today when she is going. I've written it down but it makes no difference.

Make yourself a cups and take five minutes x

 

[Chemmy]

This has been a beneficial move for your mum, but how is the rest of the family coping?

 

[Witzend]

How old are your children? Unless the PWD is very 'easy' and compliant, I really don't think dementia and young or school age children are a 'doable' mix for very long - I speak as one who has done it.
If you feel you are at the end of your 'cope-ability', so to speak, it's OK to admit it.

 

[Linbrusco]

VonVee hugs because I feel your pain. I'm not having a good time with my Mum today. Mental exhaustion and physical exhaustion! Mum is obsessed with the day centre at the moment. She goes once a week on a Tuesday but thinks she goes everyday. She got up at 11pm last night and tried to dress so she wouldn't be late. Like you, she has asked me endlessly today when she is going. I've written it down but it makes no difference.

Make yourself a cups and take five minutes x

This is exactly like my Mum at the moment.
Mum has had the same 3 activities each week on the same day for the past 2.5 years
They are written on a white board on her fridge.
She is so confused now over days, weeks, time that she thinks every day and even night she has to get ready. Nothing you say or do make a blind bit if difference.

Mum has had two UTI's since January, (incontinence since before Christmas) and without a doubt I notice it, as her confusion and repetitiveness triples. The antibiotics seem to settle her a bit, and then its back to where she was.
Mum had chronic lymphocytic leukemia so always needs a stronger and longer dose of anti b's to get over it.
Not sure if a daily low dose anti b might help but will be discussing it with our GP.

I too am at the overwhelmed and exhausted stage. I have requested 2 weeks off work, in 2 weeks time. It can't come soon enough.
We have a Needs Assesor coming on Monday. i wish to discuss Respite options, my sister does not, and my Dad is sitting on the fence.

 

[fizzie]

Vonvee does your mum not go to a day centre or have any care hours? We couldn't have managed without the lunch club or without the few hours at the weekend

 

[little shettie]

Vonvee, take it from someone who has had their mum live with the for 2 years, you need to get some help pronto. I managed mums care for the first year pretty much as I had little faith in care agencies after previous experiences. I couldn;t sustain that long term so I now get direct payments and then it gives control of who you employ to look after mum. I did find a good agency with a great carer and a group of private carers so between them they do a good job. Its only an hours care per day, but they shower, dress mum, make her bed, get her breakfast and that makes a huge difference. They also sit with mum when we need them to. Mum is now much worse and after the weekend from hell at Easter, I realised and admitted I needed a break as I feel my health suffering. So she's going into respite tomorrow. I'm dreading it and feel so awful as I always said I'd never put her into care. But I can't cope right now. I don't have small children at home now, just myself and hubby but its still so so tough. Please get some help, don't feel you have to do it all as you will suffer from burn out and then you can't help mum xx