Hello. I hope to be able to share experiences, help others and find help on this forum.
I looked after my mother and stepfather in their early 90s with dementia of some sort for a few years. They were never diagnosed as they avoided doctors though I eventually had to get my stepfather diagnosed as lacking capacity. They were severely struggling for a while, about 100 miles from my home, and all I could do was drive over every 2 days to leave food for them and clean. The local GP seemed so stressed she could not help and other services were merely critical and completely unhelpful. I knew I was waiting for a crisis for anything to change. Eventually my mother had a fall and ended up in hospital. When she came out, I was able to settle them both temporarily into a rented bungalow near me and employ carers to help look after them. A few weeks later we were able to move them into a bungalow we had specifically adapted to the needs of people suffering from severe dementia. We employed live-in carers and, when it became necessary, also additional carers from a care company.. When they could not provide a carer, I did the shift myself. It was a bit like running a mini nursing home for two people. This worked well and both my mother and stepfather ended their days peacefully in the bungalow.
I found my mother and stepfather very pleasant to be with while they were suffering from dementia. Both were former intelligence workers and tough cookies but my dear mother became softer and was a pleasure to spend time with, to the end. She never had problems with her speech or forgot any members of the family and was never incontinent. She just lost the ability to prepare a simple meal or do cryptic crosswords, was occasionally a bit paranoid about people taking her things and sometimes thought we were still at war. She used to have a good laugh when I told her the war was over. My stepfather, whom I absolutely adored, even though my mother only married him in their early 80s, was more severely affected. He eventually lost the ability to walk and his speech deteriorated a lot. It all demonstrated that dementia affects everyone quite differently.
I am now in the position that my husband in his 70s has Alzheimer’s. He father had it too. He was diagnosed only a couple of years ago but was already quite severely affected. How do you get a proud man to see a GP about his mental health? My husband had found his diagnosis quite difficult to cope with and is resentful, as he sees it, about the NHS and his family (me and our 3 adult children) limiting his freedom as he’s always been a bit of a free spirit. He feels we are all to blame for the fact that he is no longer allowed to drive, cannot travel abroad alone, is no longer involved in our family company and is not consulted on financial matters.
So, that’s me and my situation. I’ve had a bit of experience but am relatively new to having a husband with Alzheimer’s.
I looked after my mother and stepfather in their early 90s with dementia of some sort for a few years. They were never diagnosed as they avoided doctors though I eventually had to get my stepfather diagnosed as lacking capacity. They were severely struggling for a while, about 100 miles from my home, and all I could do was drive over every 2 days to leave food for them and clean. The local GP seemed so stressed she could not help and other services were merely critical and completely unhelpful. I knew I was waiting for a crisis for anything to change. Eventually my mother had a fall and ended up in hospital. When she came out, I was able to settle them both temporarily into a rented bungalow near me and employ carers to help look after them. A few weeks later we were able to move them into a bungalow we had specifically adapted to the needs of people suffering from severe dementia. We employed live-in carers and, when it became necessary, also additional carers from a care company.. When they could not provide a carer, I did the shift myself. It was a bit like running a mini nursing home for two people. This worked well and both my mother and stepfather ended their days peacefully in the bungalow.
I found my mother and stepfather very pleasant to be with while they were suffering from dementia. Both were former intelligence workers and tough cookies but my dear mother became softer and was a pleasure to spend time with, to the end. She never had problems with her speech or forgot any members of the family and was never incontinent. She just lost the ability to prepare a simple meal or do cryptic crosswords, was occasionally a bit paranoid about people taking her things and sometimes thought we were still at war. She used to have a good laugh when I told her the war was over. My stepfather, whom I absolutely adored, even though my mother only married him in their early 80s, was more severely affected. He eventually lost the ability to walk and his speech deteriorated a lot. It all demonstrated that dementia affects everyone quite differently.
I am now in the position that my husband in his 70s has Alzheimer’s. He father had it too. He was diagnosed only a couple of years ago but was already quite severely affected. How do you get a proud man to see a GP about his mental health? My husband had found his diagnosis quite difficult to cope with and is resentful, as he sees it, about the NHS and his family (me and our 3 adult children) limiting his freedom as he’s always been a bit of a free spirit. He feels we are all to blame for the fact that he is no longer allowed to drive, cannot travel abroad alone, is no longer involved in our family company and is not consulted on financial matters.
So, that’s me and my situation. I’ve had a bit of experience but am relatively new to having a husband with Alzheimer’s.
