Hello, a very warm welcome.
I wanted to also reply, I’m sorry you are in this difficult position, I know it is a very emotive decision for you and your family and I didn’t want to sound negative. I do however agree with a lot of the comments, I feel having your dad living with you may become very difficult for you to cope with, especially as your children are at a young age.
My experience was that we moved in with my parents for around 3 years whilst we were renovating a house. We moved in before my father had been diagnosed, but after a year of living with them, my dad was diagnosed with dementia. At first I thought that this would be a big help as we were all there to help out and having all his family around would be a positive thing. However, this was not to be the case, as my dad didn’t want anyone apart from my mum, it made him agitated and anxious having so many people around.
My children were older, (teenagers) and as my dad changed (albeit very slowly) he became very possessive over my mum and was starting to become paranoid about his grandchildren being there, what they were doing, who they were bringing home, where they were going etc.
It was very upsetting to see, as a grandad that was so involved in their lives previously and loved them so dearly, to then not being interested in them and actually becoming cross and irritated by them. They found it uncomfortable at times to see him in one of his moods which could change from one minute to the next. They couldn’t bring any friends round as my father was very paranoid at who was entering the house.
I know it’s not his fault, but in his eyes, he was the most important person and everything had to revolve around him, this included no one having access to my mum. If they spoke to my mum, my dad would become very jealous. As they were older, they will have understood more and been able to rationalise to some extent, what was happening, but younger children may not and the experience might traumatise them.
Now that we’ve moved out, things aren’t so intense, I still visit every day as I’m their only child. Dad doesn’t ask much about the grandchildren. Some days dad glares at me and doesn’t speak, other days he’s happy to see me and his sense of humour comes back, this is becoming less and less though, and now a lot of the time he’s cross and unhappy.
Like your dad, my dad would never agree to having carers in and I wouldn’t ever broach this subject. If anything happened to my mum I would not have him to live with us, I know this may sound cold hearted, but part of his anger and paranoia is directed a lot at me, he’s suspicious of me and has screamed a few times that he wishes I was dead. We have discussed it and my mum agrees it wouldn’t be fair to have him live with us, and that would be the point probably, that he may need a care home.
I do wish you all the best with your dad, keep messaging on here, there’s lots of help and good advice from everyone xx