They didn't operate!

[JoannePat]

Thank you for all your kind words in my previous posts! I am exhausted by all of this but we have now made a joint decision to remove him from the surgery list!

This whole thing has been going on for two years. The biggest problem are his platelets. They are extremely low, no one has diagnosed why or how to get them up. The general opinion from two medic friends and copious googling is Leukaemia. That being said physically my dad is in not bad shape.

So back to the cataracts!

Two previous surgeons have said no because of the platlets. But we got another call up and I thought maybe things have changed, not the blood but medically/technology??? He had the blood test, he had the biometric test and yesterday was op day!

NBM from 8am, he didn't sleep the night before because of anxiety. We got him to the hospital in good time, we got called through, he was given his PJ's and slippers and little frilly cap. We sat and waited and waited. Eventually after much questioning and wandering the dr's came in and said that didn't understand why dad had even been given this appointment! There was no way they would operate with his platelet reading! Shocked and stunned and I had a mini breakdown, dad was speechless for once and they have now agreed to take him off the list.

In one sense I am relived that this is all over, but I now have to deal with dad who is now in a bad way. Hes just called me to say that he wants all his money out of the banks. Not sure how to deal with that one. I can hear in his voice what sort of a day it is going to be.

I have to get myself ready for work and will just stay in touch with him through the day.

I worry that he calls the banks and starts a ball rolling - he has direct debits and pensions coming in. I have POA but don't want to go over his head, I never really thought I would have to use it. I am completely drained now.

I am trying to do everything with his best interests at heart, I try to take away as much anxiety from him as possible, everything sends him into a tizzy.

Having read this back to myself it sounds really selfish, I, I, I. Sorry if it comes across that way, but I am doing everything.

Thank you for reading this and thank you for taking the time to respond, it really does mean the world to me.

Jxx

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

It's not all about you and you are not selfish at all! It's actually 'you on behalf of your dad', due to all the things you're having to do and decisions you're having to take on his behalf.

You will probably have a rough few days with your dad, dealing with the fallout from this. It's probably time you took over his financial affairs completely. Ignore his requests to get all his money though! It might be an idea to speak to his bank (waving your PoA!) and tell them that his recent hospital trip has made him paranoid and somewhat unstable, just in case he tries to get all his money out. They'll probably appreciate a heads-up.

 

[Grannie G]

I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this @JoannePat

I didn’t know about the situation with the platelets but I did wonder why a general anaesthetic was considered acceptable for your dad knowing the detrimental effect general anaesthesia can have on people with dementia.

I realise a local anaesthetic wouldn’t be suitable for him and I suppose increasing confusion caused by general anaesthetics may have been thought preferable to loss of sight.

And now you have this worry with your dad and his money. Please use the PoA It is in his best interests and the bank will advise. It`s unlikely he’ll visit the bank You could say they need notice

 

[Sarasa]

Sorry the op didn’t happen @JoannePat, is there anyway to chase up exactly what is happening with his platelets or is that just going to lead to a lot of interventions he might not be able to cope with? A scan flagged up my mum might have cancer when she was in hospital for sepsis New Year 22/23. I decided further investigation wasn't worth it and that might be what you think too. Mind you my mum's dementia was further along than your dad's.
I agree about contacting the bank and registering the POA. I did this with my mum and she continued to use her account for another year or so, it was just I was keeping an eye on things.
Hope today isn't as fraught as you think it might be.

 

[JoannePat]

Thank you all for your thoughts and answers! When we have these occasional rants - although mine seem to be getting more frequent, we are never sure if people will respond or just read and move on.

When someone actually responds it feels like a hug, thank you.

Today hasn't been great, my husband has agreed to take over for the next few days, but I have already had to take a few calls from my dad.

I will definitely get to the banks with the POA.

Thank you

xx

 

[Firecatcher]

Really sorry about what you’ve had to go through. Non of us need this level big stress on top of trying to manage our own lives.

As other posters have said get the POA registered with the bank as it’s a time consuming process. You need to take the POA documents with you unless you have an activation code although I understand some banks won’t accept that and insist on seeing the original document or a certified copy. Take some ID with you - your passport or driving licence will be fine.

 

[Sarasa]

I hope today is a better day @JoannePat.
I do wonder if now might be the time to start investing care homes. Your dad sounds so much like my mum in about 2018. A lot of the time sort of OK and then a crisis. I went and looked at a few care home so that when things really fell apart in May 2019 I had somewhere I liked that I could move her to.

 

[maggie6445]

Really sorry about what you’ve had to go through. Non of us need this level big stress on top of trying to manage our own lives.

As other posters have said get the POA registered with the bank as it’s a time consuming process. You need to take the POA documents with you unless you have an activation code although I understand some banks won’t accept that and insist on seeing the original document or a certified copy. Take some ID with you - your passport or driving licence will be fine.

Hi, I didn't find registering the LPA at the banks, NatWest,Santander and Skipton BS difficult. I took the original in and they were photocopied. Each visit took about 30 mins but it was straightforward. The bank did what they needed after that and a short time later I received acknowledgement and POA bank cards . Banks now send me copies of important letters they send to OH. I can access account at NAT West on line. I know it took a little time at the initial visit but it was relatively easy.
I guess not all banks are the same.

 

[JoannePat]

Thank you all, we are overseas and it seems like a much easier process here!