The First Days and Weeks

[Kijo]

It's been 2 weeks since my love passed, and each day is a mix of ups and downs.
I can keep busy with something or other, including going back to work, but as soon as I stop the sorrow comes over me like a wave.

Last Tuesday I was hit with the thought that I have been lonely for quite a few years as my best fried lost his ability to communicate early - now I realize I am alone. I have my adult children, I have my friends and family, but in the end I am alone. That was an unexpected realization that seems to haunt me now and loops in my head.

I had to fill out a passport renewal application this week and I had to list widow instead of married. How many times will that jump out at me over the next weeks and months?

Tomorrow I will receive his ashes at home along with the death certificate. I cannot define the feeling except to say it adds to the finality of it all and I am filled with apprehension and sorrow.

With the death certificate comes all the things we have to do in Canada to tell all government levels, banks, medical plans, life insurance companies, RRSP financial advisers, etc. that he is not alive anymore. I am feeling queasy just thinking of it. Some I can do over the phone or by mail, and others I have to do in person. I can only hope I can keep it all together to get through those conversations and save the tears for when I am alone.

His Celebration of Life is on the 29th so anyone from out of town had time to make travel arrangements. I hope celebrating who he was with friends and family will help the healing process and allow me (and the kids) to start moving forward with a little less anxiety about what comes next.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Kijo

Theres no easy way through this. I`ve been widowed more than three years and am still making adjustments.

Once the formalities were cleared I allowed myself to drift through the early stages. It did help that here in the UK there is a `One Stop` system where all organisations are informed of a death just by filling in one form.

Saying this, there will always be others who need to be informed personally.

You have probably put yourself at the bottom of the pile for years. Now is the time to put yourself first. Give yourself time. It`s a sad and isolated position to be in. Deal with it as well as you can. Nothing can make it better.

The only thought which helped me is millions have to deal with this grief and I have no option other than to join them.

 

[pins tony]

It's been 2 weeks since my love passed, and each day is a mix of ups and downs.
I can keep busy with something or other, including going back to work, but as soon as I stop the sorrow comes over me like a wave.

Last Tuesday I was hit with the thought that I have been lonely for quite a few years as my best fried lost his ability to communicate early - now I realize I am alone. I have my adult children, I have my friends and family, but in the end I am alone. That was an unexpected realization that seems to haunt me now and loops in my head.

I had to fill out a passport renewal application this week and I had to list widow instead of married. How many times will that jump out at me over the next weeks and months?

Tomorrow I will receive his ashes at home along with the death certificate. I cannot define the feeling except to say it adds to the finality of it all and I am filled with apprehension and sorrow.

With the death certificate comes all the things we have to do in Canada to tell all government levels, banks, medical plans, life insurance companies, RRSP financial advisers, etc. that he is not alive anymore. I am feeling queasy just thinking of it. Some I can do over the phone or by mail, and others I have to do in person. I can only hope I can keep it all together to get through those conversations and save the tears for when I am alone.

His Celebration of Life is on the 29th so anyone from out of town had time to make travel arrangements. I hope celebrating who he was with friends and family will help the healing process and allow me (and the kids) to start moving forward with a little less anxiety about what comes next.

Hi Kijo.a lovely wife June passed away 12weeks ago so I know how you feel.sometimes iam not to bad then it's like a wave of grief hits me and I don't know what I am doing here.I have a good family but now all things to do with Junes death are finalised they are moving on with their lives as,is they should do.I cant really offer you any advice but I felt I had to respond to your post.they say things get better with time take care

 

[LadyA]

I remember posting, after William died (it will be 2 years next August), how everything in me screamed against the very word "widow". I still hate it. For some reason, it always conjures up an image of some faceless apparition, swathed in black draperies, living on the fringes of society.

There's no easy way of getting through the first weeks, months of being without your "other half". And that's the thing, isn't it? Not to lessen the grief of anyone who has lost a parent or sibling, or a child. But when you have lost your husband/wife, it really does seem as if part of you has been torn away, leaving only part of you behind. The only way of getting through this time, is to keep going. There will be horrible days, and days that aren't so bad. There will be minor triumphs - and there will be minor things that will devastate you. It's certainly, I found, a time for being very kind and gentle with yourself, and sometimes, the best thing to do is take to the couch for a nap, with a blankie. xx

 

[Jinx]

Kijo, I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally agree with LadyA about the word 'Widow', the first time I had to tick that status on a form it was like a slap in the face. Just over a year along this road and I am trying to find positives in being alone. A well-meaning friend whose husband doesn't always agree with what she wants to do said to me the other day "I know you miss Bernard but at least you can do what you want now without having to consult anyone". i hope it is a long time before she discovers how quickly that novelty wears off and how much one misses the chance to talk things over and make decisions together. Be kind to yourself, take LadyA's advice and pace yourself, not everything has to be done at once. xxx