How weird is this? But I’m thankful my OH finally has his diagnosis (of FTD) cos it helps me to cope. First of all, let me acknowledge that we’re still at the early stages, and what we’re experiencing is less severe, I know, than many others on this forum. Still, if I didn’t know what was causing him to refuse to leave the tv, and come through and eat his midday meal (he always has before) it would be much harder to look at it cooling on the plate beside me. I (think I) know what’s going on in his head: he thinks he’s asserting his independence. He no longer seems to feel the promptings of hunger: his standard response when he gets up halfway through the morning and I ask him if he’s going to have breakfast (he almost cetainly wouldn’t if I didn’t) is “If I must.” Without the diagnosis, I would be wondering whether to put his meal in the bin, or even - it has occurred to me - taking it through and tipping it over his head. As it is, with the diagnosis, I’m considering whether to take it through so he can eat it on his lap. Trouble is, his motor skills have deteriorated, and I can see it all ending up on the floor anyhow
Thankful for my partner’s diagnosis
- Thread starter masquereader
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Hello @masquereader it is not at all strange to be relieved to have a diagnosis especially if it helps you to understand his behaviour. It will still be hard to navigate the issues as they arrive but it will help you to understand why they are happening.
Regarding the meals, keep gently encouraging him to join you, e.g. ‘would you like to join me for dinner’ but don’t stress if that does not work. Pick your battles is a common phrase on here.
Please keep posting if you have any queries, you will always find help and understanding here.
Regarding the meals, keep gently encouraging him to join you, e.g. ‘would you like to join me for dinner’ but don’t stress if that does not work. Pick your battles is a common phrase on here.
Please keep posting if you have any queries, you will always find help and understanding here.
@masquereader . I’m sorry to hear about your OH but, the same as you I was relieved at my late husbands dementia diagnosis.
At last I could make sense of why such a wonderful marriage had suddenly turned bad.
All the nastiness, arguments and threats of divorce were a terrible thing to live with until I finally realised that his symptoms were very similar to what had happened with my mother.
Your reactions are not weird as I’m sure others will tell you.
Take Care.
At last I could make sense of why such a wonderful marriage had suddenly turned bad.
All the nastiness, arguments and threats of divorce were a terrible thing to live with until I finally realised that his symptoms were very similar to what had happened with my mother.
Your reactions are not weird as I’m sure others will tell you.
Take Care.
I dont think your reaction is weird either - getting a diagnosis takes away the guesswork and self doubt
We have taken to eating meals on trays on our laps, otherwise OH would be the same. I cook meals that can just be eaten with a fork or spoon and put the plate on a tray. I also put a tea towel on OHs lap like a large napkin and this seems to contain most of the food. You could also use small tables that are intended to go over beds.
This is not weird at all and actually makes me feel better! I'm still waiting for a diagnosis for my OH, but in the mean time it's hard to know what to make of all the behaviours. I'm giving my OH his meal on his knee if he doesn't join me and yes it can get messy! Mine only eats when I tell him it's dinnertime or whatever. I ask him to set the table which gives him a prompt. We get some unusual combinations of cutlery! Best of luck.
Thank you for the supportive responses. I did take his meal through, and he ate it successfully on his lap. I think one of the reasons it upset me is that I am trying consciously to eat together - to maintain our bond, and (possibly) to keep him in the habit of eating regularly. We just had a pleasant evening meal together. This is also a pattern: he gets up very, very awkward and grumpy, but seems to return to himself as the day progresses. I’m grateful for that, and will try to enjoy it as long as it lasts
I totally understand you being thankful that your husband has been diagnosed @masquereader because it helps you cope.
I felt exactly the same when my husband received his dementia diagnosis. Just as importantly, my husband was relieved to have a diagnosis too, because until that point, all he felt that he was 'stupid' or 'useless' (thoughts I always tried to dissuade him from).
Having the diagnosis was a huge turning point for us because we finally had an explanation for what had been happening and it enabled us to tackle the matter together rather than let it pull us apart.
I felt exactly the same when my husband received his dementia diagnosis. Just as importantly, my husband was relieved to have a diagnosis too, because until that point, all he felt that he was 'stupid' or 'useless' (thoughts I always tried to dissuade him from).
Having the diagnosis was a huge turning point for us because we finally had an explanation for what had been happening and it enabled us to tackle the matter together rather than let it pull us apart.
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