Suspected Prostate Cancer

[lea123e]

Afternoon All,

After about a month of Dad who has Vascular Dementia being more sub par than usual. I noticed at a check up that his weight had suddenly dropped 18lbs despite having a calorie rich diet, worrying as he's also been much easier to fatigue and is sleeping a lot. So booked in with Dr who performed exam and prostate is "enlarged and hard". So he has been referred for scans, bloods etc.

Of course at this stage, we dont now 100% that it is cancer but the Dr didnt offer any reassurance that it may be anything less worrisome. So, I am left with my thoughts - namely that Dad is 75, 5+ years into a Vascular Dementia diagnosis with a heart problem, diabetes, poor kidney function and is pretty frail. I really doubt whether they would be inclined to offer any treatment and I am pretty sure Dad would not be able to tolerate it at this stage. Perhaps it would cause more suffering than it would be of benefit to him.

Anyone have experience of your person being diagnosed with cancer and treatment being declined, either by Drs or family and how that went please? Did they decline rapidly? Was there support and were you able to keep them comfortable enough?

Any feedback much appreciated

Many thanks

 

[SAP]

I can’t answer your questions so much but I can share what is possibly happening with my mum. Last week the nurse from the GP surgery was asked to see mum because the carers had found a breast lump. The nurse examined this ( I was there) and felt that this situation needed monitoring and a discussion with the GP. Because I was there we were able to have an open and frank conversant where mum is at i.e. late stage mixed dementia and 82yrs old. She doesn’t eat much, doesn’t walk much , has no conversation and is doubly incontinent. She is happy in her home though and very well cared for so I made it clear that I don’t want any invasive examinations and for mum to be kept where she is and comfortable should it come to that. There is no way I would have her go through a mammogram, I can only imagine how very disturbing that would be for her. Anyway that’s just me and my mum, we discussed this stuff before she lost her mental capacity. Each family is different as is each situation. I’m sure others will be along with more info about their journeys.

 

[Collywobbles]

I can’t comment on the dementia factor, but my otherwise healthy Dad had treatment for prostate cancer. He barely tolerated it and frequently came home in tears saying he didn’t want to continue. Daily enemas were needed for most of the radiotherapy course, plus it has to be given with a full bladder - as you can imagine, near impossible with a prostate problem. He found the process incredibly distressing and difficult.

Whilst Dad has been given the all-clear, the after-effects of the treatment are still making his life difficult two years later. I’m not sure a PWD would be able to understand, cooperate, or cope. If my Mum - a PWD - was diagnosed with cancer, I’m not sure our family would expect her to have treatment.

 

[jugglingmum]

@SAP My MIL (aged 97) was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of years ago.

The lump can be examined with ultrasound so no painful mammogram. MIL had a biopsy which indicated it was hormone sensitive. No general anaesthetic I think just local.

She now takes a daily tablet which keeps the tumour in check and has shrunk it a bit. Technically, she has terminal breast cancer but its highly unlikely to kill her. I don't know further details.

Due to heart issues MIL is not deemed suitable for a general anaestheticand there was no mention of an op.

It might be worth getting a referral and having a conversation of options with a consultant. I understand your mum is frail but breast cancer tumours can develop in a very unpleasant and painful way . I've read on this forum of advanced PWD having surgery as the lesser of two evils for pain management.

I do agree with no aggressive testing or treatment but I think always worth a conversation with a consultant to explore options.

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

Look at the test and treatment and then have an honest discussion with the doctor. You should at all times, be thinking "best interest" for your Dad, no matter how hard that is on you.

As a wise doctor said to me "just because we can, it doesn't mean we should."

 

[Duggies-girl]

My dad with alzheimers aged 87 was diagnosed with stage 3 oesophageal cancer and referred to an oncologist. He was given an oesophageal stent so he could eat which was great because he had already lost 3 stone in weight. Dad's oncologist was wonderful and decided on a palliative care route which I and dad were happy about. She said that an operation would probably kill my dad and she was probably correct, she also said that she was reluctant to offer chemo because that would make dad unwell and could even shorten his life which I also agreed with.

Dad was allowed and was given anything that would make him more comfortable including blood transfusions, iron infusions and antibiotics, all of which he received at different times and of course the stent that allowed him to eat. He in fact put on 3 stone and recovered well. She also said that he may be eligible for palliative radiotherapy if he declined further but this was not necessary.

Dad lived another 2 years quite happily and unaware that he had cancer, he died at home in a hospital bed with me by his side. I am ever thankful to his oncologist who decided that palliative care would be the best route for dad, she also told me that dad was the perfect advert for palliative for the elderly because many of her younger and fitter patients who had the operation and the chemo fared less well than my dad did.

I think if dad's oncologist had suggested more aggressive treatment for dad then I would have argued against it because he was too frail to even consider it but I agreed with everything she proposed. She said that he could have anything that would make him feel better but nothing that could cause him harm and I could not argue with that

I hope that you have a favourable outcome with your dad

 

[lea123e]

Look at the test and treatment and then have an honest discussion with the doctor. You should at all times, be thinking "best interest" for your Dad, no matter how hard that is on you.

As a wise doctor said to me "just because we can, it doesn't mean we should."

Thank you for your feedback. Ironically, "just because you can..."is one of my favourite sayings.

 

[lea123e]

Many thanks to all who have replied. Im very sorry you all are or have had to tread this path too. I lost my Mum young to cancer and unfortunatley had to witness how surgeries, chemo and radio ravaged her body to no avail(stage 4 bowel cancer at diagnosis) Over the years, I think this has contributed to what would be my own preference for myself of comfort and quality over quantity of time.

I think palliative/ comfort care is a perfectly valid option.

My Uncle(his brother) is also currently undergoing testing for prostate cancer and told me that that the biopsy was the most painful procedure he'd ever had(someone whos had multiple joint replacements) Dad was in a lot of discomfort just from the examination so I dont expect a biopsy will well tolerated.

I'm glad of this forum and appreciate everyone's replies, thank you. Its nice to be understood and known you arent alone because it is pretty lonely.

Wishing you all the very best
 

 

[SAP]

@SAP My MIL (aged 97) was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of years ago.

The lump can be examined with ultrasound so no painful mammogram. MIL had a biopsy which indicated it was hormone sensitive. No general anaesthetic I think just local.

She now takes a daily tablet which keeps the tumour in check and has shrunk it a bit. Technically, she has terminal breast cancer but its highly unlikely to kill her. I don't know further details.

Due to heart issues MIL is not deemed suitable for a general anaestheticand there was no mention of an op.

It might be worth getting a referral and having a conversation of options with a consultant. I understand your mum is frail but breast cancer tumours can develop in a very unpleasant and painful way . I've read on this forum of advanced PWD having surgery as the lesser of two evils for pain management.

I do agree with no aggressive testing or treatment but I think always worth a conversation with a consultant to explore options.

Like I said, I want mum to be kept comfortable , so in my book that would be the best pain free option or least painful option for her. Having lost two dear friends to breast cancer in the last 5 years, I am sadly all too aware how truly awful that can be.