Supporting with loss of pet

[Gemlizzy]

Hi,
I am currently helping care for my Nan who has Alzheimer's, on Boxing Day they sadly lost their dog of 14 years. My Grandad also cares for my Nan and is really struggling with the repetitive questions about where the dog is, how did he die as he is grieving for him, what can I suggest to my Grandad to help? TIA

 

[Jale]

So sorry for your Nan & Grandad's loss. Does your Nan know and remember that their dog has died or is it only when she asks where he is and your Grandad tells her the truth. If it is the latter then I would tell a love lie and say the dog is at the vets and then try and distract your Nan - sometimes easier said than done, especially for your poor Grandad to keep answering.
Hopefully someone with more experience than me will be along to offer something more helpful

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Gemlizzy and welcome to Dementia Support Forum. This sounds like a situation where telling the truth is likely to cause more upset, due to constant repetition. In such circumstances, love lies (also known as therapeutic untruths) may help to alleviate the situation. As @Jale has suggested, saying that the dog is somewhere else for some plausible reason would be preferable. In time, your Nan may forget about the dog or be less aware of its absence. Losing a dog is heartbreaking enough without having to go over it time and again.

 

[canary]

If saying that the dog has gone to the vets upsets her, try something like a family member has gone out for the day and taken the dog with them

 

[Gemlizzy]

Thank you for replies! I think I am going to try the love lies or distraction when asked when we are around my Grandad for him to see that it's ok to do that and not have to re-tell the story to her everyone she asks.

 

[MaNaAk]

Good morning @Gemlizzy,

I am sorry to hear about your parents and their dog. I never lost a pet whilst caring for dad but I lost a pet tortoise that had been in the family for seventy-two years. Dad passed away in June 2019 and Daisy was put to sleep in November 2022. When dad passed away I lived on my own with our two tortoises and after Daisy's death it is now just myself and Jacky.

When I was caring for dad he used to ask where mum was (she died in 2008) so I made up love lies about her and this is what your dad will have to do but he also needs to deal with his grief. I had friends to help me deal with mine but one of my friends recommended the Blue Cross Pet Loss Support Community which I joined and found other people who are coping with the loss of a pet after caring for someone with dementia. Through them I found another community called the Ralph Site which also deals with exotic pets. I also had to deal with more unpleasant memories such as when dad thought it was funny turning two defenceless tortoises on to their backs like he was a child. I had to remind myself that he did this because of his Alzheimer's and that in reality he loved them with all his heart. Talking about this memory on this wonderful forum helped me to come to terms with it and it will help you and your dad to keep talking to us as well.

Hugs

MaNaAk

PS: It would help your dad to know that their dog is safely at the Rainbow Bridge with Daisy the tortoise.