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Supporting for over 12 years

upsidedown

Registered User
Jun 10, 2015
1
Good evening, this is my first thread.
I have had huge support from you on TP.
I sadly lost three members of my family with dementia within the last 7 years and i do understand what you are all going through.
I can see that i am also losing another with this awful disease, this person is in serious denial and it is difficult to deal with currently mild/mid.
Any advice on what to do when the person, you want to support has an understanding previously on dementia and at the same time in complete denial, that one has it?
Thanks
upsidedown
 

count2ten

Registered User
Dec 13, 2013
186
Good evening, this is my first thread.
I have had huge support from you on TP.
I sadly lost three members of my family with dementia within the last 7 years and i do understand what you are all going through.
I can see that i am also losing another with this awful disease, this person is in serious denial and it is difficult to deal with currently mild/mid.
Any advice on what to do when the person, you want to support has an understanding previously on dementia and at the same time in complete denial, that one has it?
Thanks
upsidedown
Hello upsidedown - unfortunately for us we had to just wait for the inevitable train crash before mum would accept any help ... then filled in the blanks as we went along and gradually got more people involved, although she was always way ahead of me and I always felt like I never quite caught up with her! The "D" word was never mentioned outside of the GP surgery, hospital, MH unit etc. As far as she was concerned we were the ones with the problem! Best wishes, thinking of you and your loved one.
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
Hello upsidedown :)

My goodness, you've had a lot on your plate! And now this....

I don't have experience of exactly your situation, but my mum is also in denial and, like count2ten, we never actually mention the word dementia. Mum will admit privately to me that, in her words, she "doesn't know whether she's a hot cross bun or a Christmas tree", but if anyone asks, she'll say, "Memory problems? No, I'm fine there, aren't I Lindy, I'm lucky that way" ;)

So, I just plough on dealing with issues as they arise, blaming my own anxiety etc for needing to arrange for carers, blaming my forgetfulness for having to check the calendar, count out the coffee money, and so on.

We do have a diagnosis from the Memory Clinic but I asked them to send the letter to me, so mum's never seen it. I just concentrate on keeping her as happy and safe as possible (and myself functioning!)

I'm sorry i can't offer anything more specific but I wanted to welcome you on your first thread :) Hope you keep posting and are gradually able to figure out some ways forward :)

All the best

Lindy xx
 

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