Supporting for over 12 years

[upsidedown]

Good evening, this is my first thread.
I have had huge support from you on TP.
I sadly lost three members of my family with dementia within the last 7 years and i do understand what you are all going through.
I can see that i am also losing another with this awful disease, this person is in serious denial and it is difficult to deal with currently mild/mid.
Any advice on what to do when the person, you want to support has an understanding previously on dementia and at the same time in complete denial, that one has it?
Thanks
upsidedown

 

[count2ten]

Good evening, this is my first thread.
I have had huge support from you on TP.
I sadly lost three members of my family with dementia within the last 7 years and i do understand what you are all going through.
I can see that i am also losing another with this awful disease, this person is in serious denial and it is difficult to deal with currently mild/mid.
Any advice on what to do when the person, you want to support has an understanding previously on dementia and at the same time in complete denial, that one has it?
Thanks
upsidedown

Hello upsidedown - unfortunately for us we had to just wait for the inevitable train crash before mum would accept any help ... then filled in the blanks as we went along and gradually got more people involved, although she was always way ahead of me and I always felt like I never quite caught up with her! The "D" word was never mentioned outside of the GP surgery, hospital, MH unit etc. As far as she was concerned we were the ones with the problem! Best wishes, thinking of you and your loved one.

 

[Lindy50]

Hello upsidedown

My goodness, you've had a lot on your plate! And now this....

I don't have experience of exactly your situation, but my mum is also in denial and, like count2ten, we never actually mention the word dementia. Mum will admit privately to me that, in her words, she "doesn't know whether she's a hot cross bun or a Christmas tree", but if anyone asks, she'll say, "Memory problems? No, I'm fine there, aren't I Lindy, I'm lucky that way"

So, I just plough on dealing with issues as they arise, blaming my own anxiety etc for needing to arrange for carers, blaming my forgetfulness for having to check the calendar, count out the coffee money, and so on.

We do have a diagnosis from the Memory Clinic but I asked them to send the letter to me, so mum's never seen it. I just concentrate on keeping her as happy and safe as possible (and myself functioning!)

I'm sorry i can't offer anything more specific but I wanted to welcome you on your first thread Hope you keep posting and are gradually able to figure out some ways forward

All the best

Lindy xx