This is my first post on the support forum . I care for my wife, Avril, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in October 2021. She is 86 and I am 78. At the moment I have no support but realise I need to get some soon. Indeed I am becoming very anxious, feeling very low. Unfortunately Avril dismisses the idea of being in the house with a helper. What shall I do?
Hi
@billpattinson136
You are entitled, if you wish, to get your Local Authority Adult Social Services team to visit you and carry out a care assessment to see what, if any, help/care your OH needs' and to carry out a carer's assessment to see what, if any, help/care you need as the carer.
You may have to push ro get this, as in some areas, there is a bit of waiting list.
When you have the assessments, you are not obliged to follow the advice if you don't want to.
Making sure that you are OK, not over tired or over stressed, etc., is, in my view, the best way to ensure you can care for your OH.
As you know, the older you get the more easily you get tired.
If your OH has dementia, then it means that she no longer has full reason and logic as she used to. Her dismissive attitude doesn't mean you don't need help. The help is for you to better help her or manage the house etc. You can't argue or reason with a PWD who never like unfamiliar people, surroundings or changes in routine - so you have to be in charge in this issue, in my view.
In my area the Local Authority Adult Social Services and the charity Mind offer a "sitting service" - which is means tested - for a "sitter" (usually a person either trained or experienced in dealing with a PWD) to be with one's OH so the carer can go out for either doing jobs that need to be done out of the home (eg, going to the dentist, taking the car for service and/or MoT) or just for time off and an outing. The first time a sitter came to me, it was for me to see if I got on with her, whether my OH got on with her and, of course, whether she got on with us. So the first time the came we all had a chat over a cuppa, then I left sitter to chat with my OH whilst I did some jobs elsewhere round the house and garden. This arrangement was for once a week for a three hour session, at the time I chose. Well, it all worked out OK and it's now been going for about 2 years. My OH has over this period deteriorated but she still gets on with the sitter. They look at articles and pictures in magazines, listen to music, chat about news, or whatever the sitter directs. She write a little report of each visit in the folder. I look forward to my weekly respite.
Worth a try, in my view.
We now also have carers coming in to attend to my OH's personal hygiene etc.
Thanks for reading, if you still are!
Best wishes.