Sue

S Amos

Registered User
Dec 18, 2012
7
My husband has recently been diagnosed with early onset dementia. This came as more of a shock to me than to him as he seems oblivious to how this has affected him and will in the future.
One of the things I find difficult to deal with is how my husbands personality has changed, how his social skills have been affected and how disinhibited he has become.
I can't believe this is happening to him but I am getting a little frustrated.

Has anyone else experienced this problem.
 

dognecks

Registered User
Feb 11, 2013
106
51
bridport
My husband has recently been diagnosed with early onset dementia. This came as more of a shock to me than to him as he seems oblivious to how this has affected him and will in the future.
One of the things I find difficult to deal with is how my husbands personality has changed, how his social skills have been affected and how disinhibited he has become.
I can't believe this is happening to him but I am getting a little frustrated.

Has anyone else experienced this problem.
this is normal , for you too feel this way , my mum had dementia , and i rem at the begining seeing my dad so frustrated with her, at the start it was little things , wheres my rings , wheres my purse, and watching dad handle the situation was very upsetting, trying to reason with mum was useless , i have every symphathy with you starting on this horrid dementia journey, from experience , try and enjoy life with your husband as much as possible, now.
 

Carabosse

Registered User
Jan 10, 2013
1,695
I have with my mum, i have watched her change from a very active person to someone who has difficulty walking (no cartilage/ fluid between joint of right knee). Mum used to have a great sense of humour which i miss, i do see it from time to time but not as often as i would like.
When out and about mum can say certain things which if she didn't have Alzheimers she wouldn't dream of saying in a month of sundays, e.g. when in the Dr's surgery she announced she had to pee, all i can say is thank goodness there was only 1 or 2 people there who took no notice. She has started taking her teeth out to see if they are ok, but she does it in such a way that she thinks no one else can see her do it, maybe they can't but i think they can.
Mum and i have always been very close (joined at the hip many have said), but recently she has become clingy which i don't mind, but if i'm trying to cook food she is constantly asking if i'm there, or if i leave her with a neighbour when i do our shopping (and the neighbours she is 87) she asks how long i will be and gets anxious if i'm away too long.
 

Smirf

Registered User
Dec 25, 2012
17
Rochford Essex
I do so know where your coming from my husband has sort of been diagnosed and it is hard for me it starts as soon as I wake up with being asked what day of the week it is, it is hard not to snap when I have been asked the same question a dozen times. I have to make some "me" time and get away from it for a few hours, then I can cope.

I am sure you will find your own coping method and wish you luck but if you want to compare notes, moral support, or a shoulder to cry on, I am always here.
 

chrisuz

Registered User
May 29, 2012
94
East Yorkshire
Welcome to the forum, I have, if you don't mind me asking how old is your husband? I am assuming he is under 65. My husband started having problems, or rather we started having problems, as he was and to an extent still is totally unaware and disinterested in the effect on other people, just after is 50th birthday. Have they said what sort of dementia they suspect? I do hope you are well supported in your situation as I know you will be on the forum.
 

triumph25

Registered User
Apr 2, 2012
90
Forest of Dean
early onset alzheimers

Welcome to the forum. My partner is 60 today and has probably had the disease for about 4 years. One of the first things I noticed was his change in personality, but rather the reverse to your partner. Mine has become very introspective and hardly talks at all. He rarely starts a conversation now and answers in momosyllables, this from a man who when I met him was the organiser of a singles social group and had to meet and greet people he had never met before and arrange and organise activities for a whole group of diverse people.

It's very sad. He also has no conception of how this affects me, and no interest in our relationship or how I am feeling. I have moved permanently into the spare room! I no longer feel that I am anything but n unpaid housekeeper and carer!

It takes away the person you met entirely. That is very difficult for everyone that it affects, but maybe if you have been together a long time and have children together and other memories, you have some "glue" to keep you going. If however, like us neither of us have children and have only been togather 8 years, there's not a lot to keep you together as a unit.

However, I digress. Just to say you are not alone a change in personality is quite usual, and maybe (who knows) ? the personality may change again?

This forum is absolutely brilliant for all sorts of reasons. It puts you in touch with others in similar situations, it is a wealth of advice and information, it makes you realise you are not alone, it's never judgmental, it gives you somewhere where you can "sound off" about things without any comeback (as long as it's not abusive, racial or discriminatory in any way) and you make "virtual" friends.

I don't visit often enough, but keep with it, and if you ever need help, advice or friendship, you know where to come......here!:D
 

S Amos

Registered User
Dec 18, 2012
7
I know exactly how you feel. As the REM song says, "take comport in your friends" and TP.
Welcome to the forum. My partner is 60 today and has probably had the disease for about 4 years. One of the first things I noticed was his change in personality, but rather the reverse to your partner. Mine has become very introspective and hardly talks at all. He rarely starts a conversation now and answers in momosyllables, this from a man who when I met him was the organiser of a singles social group and had to meet and greet people he had never met before and arrange and organise activities for a whole group of diverse people.

It's very sad. He also has no conception of how this affects me, and no interest in our relationship or how I am feeling. I have moved permanently into the spare room! I no longer feel that I am anything but n unpaid housekeeper and carer!

It takes away the person you met entirely. That is very difficult for everyone that it affects, but maybe if you have been together a long time and have children together and other memories, you have some "glue" to keep you going. If however, like us neither of us have children and have only been togather 8 years, there's not a lot to keep you together as a unit.

However, I digress. Just to say you are not alone a change in personality is quite usual, and maybe (who knows) ? the personality may change again?

This forum is absolutely brilliant for all sorts of reasons. It puts you in touch with others in similar situations, it is a wealth of advice and information, it makes you realise you are not alone, it's never judgmental, it gives you somewhere where you can "sound off" about things without any comeback (as long as it's not abusive, racial or discriminatory in any way) and you make "virtual" friends.

I don't visit often enough, but keep with it, and if you ever need help, advice or friendship, you know where to come......here!:D
I appreciate your responce, my husband has changed so much but has no insight into his behaviour. I thought it was just me.
 

S Amos

Registered User
Dec 18, 2012
7
Welcome to the forum, I have, if you don't mind me asking how old is your husband? I am assuming he is under 65. My husband started having problems, or rather we started having problems, as he was and to an extent still is totally unaware and disinterested in the effect on other people, just after is 50th birthday. Have they said what sort of dementia they suspect? I do hope you are well supported in your situation as I know you will be on the forum.
Thanks for your reply. My husband is 61 and looking back his behaviour started to change almost 10 years ago. Over the past 4 years both me and our 2 sons have wondered if he has developed a learning disability and this has led to my husbands recent diagnosis. I am usually a very patient person having worked with people with dementia in my employment, but yesterday I felt so very frustrated about the man who was always so functional.
Thanks again for you support
 

S Amos

Registered User
Dec 18, 2012
7
I do so know where your coming from my husband has sort of been diagnosed and it is hard for me it starts as soon as I wake up with being asked what day of the week it is, it is hard not to snap when I have been asked the same question a dozen times. I have to make some "me" time and get away from it for a few hours, then I can cope.

I am sure you will find your own coping method and wish you luck but if you want to compare notes, moral support, or a shoulder to cry on, I am always here.
Thanks for your support, It's easier knowing I'm not the only one experiencing these problems.:)
 

S Amos

Registered User
Dec 18, 2012
7
I have with my mum, i have watched her change from a very active person to someone who has difficulty walking (no cartilage/ fluid between joint of right knee). Mum used to have a great sense of humour which i miss, i do see it from time to time but not as often as i would like.
When out and about mum can say certain things which if she didn't have Alzheimers she wouldn't dream of saying in a month of sundays, e.g. when in the Dr's surgery she announced she had to pee, all i can say is thank goodness there was only 1 or 2 people there who took no notice. She has started taking her teeth out to see if they are ok, but she does it in such a way that she thinks no one else can see her do it, maybe they can't but i think they can.
Mum and i have always been very close (joined at the hip many have said), but recently she has become clingy which i don't mind, but if i'm trying to cook food she is constantly asking if i'm there, or if i leave her with a neighbour when i do our shopping (and the neighbours she is 87) she asks how long i will be and gets anxious if i'm away too long.
Thank you for sharing your experiences I now know I am not alone in my situation.
 

S Amos

Registered User
Dec 18, 2012
7
this is normal , for you too feel this way , my mum had dementia , and i rem at the begining seeing my dad so frustrated with her, at the start it was little things , wheres my rings , wheres my purse, and watching dad handle the situation was very upsetting, trying to reason with mum was useless , i have every symphathy with you starting on this horrid dementia journey, from experience , try and enjoy life with your husband as much as possible, now.[/

Thanks for sharing your experiences.