Sudden aggression from grandmother

daffodilj

New member
May 26, 2024
7
0
My family and I are really struggling with recent violent behaviour and feeling incredibly misunderstood by medical staff.

My grandmother has recently been placed in a care home after 8 weeks in hospital following a fall that caused a brain bleed and 6 weeks in a temporary nursing home due to a stage 4 bed sore.

During her hospital stay she became verbally aggressive which has progressed since joining the care home to become physical aggression and violence. This is incredibly out of character, she has never been violent at all but her entire worldview seems to have changed and she is now constantly lashing out at staff and other residents. She has become restless and had another fall on her first night there and was taken to hospital but later discharged.

I feel as though both the staff at the new care home and at A&E don’t seem to know how to respond to this behaviour and seem to be treating her as though they’ve never encountered aggression before. This is all incredibly new and distressing to us, when I have researched later stages of dementia online it seems to be a common occurrence in advanced cases however we’ve had little reassurance from the care home/doctors and feel as though she’s being ‘othered’ and treated as though she’s an abstract case.

I entirely understand how distressing this is for HCA’s and nurses that have to deal with this whilst trying to protect other patients and themselves but we feel entirely out of our depth. It’s worth noting my grandmother is incredibly frail and her memory/ concept of reality have entirely gone. Nurses keep asking us to explain to her she can’t hit or ask us to talk to her about it but she doesn’t understand or forgets within seconds. One of the family goes in to visit her every day to try and take pressure of of staff and also to spend time with her but we feel as though we’re being told off every time we step foot in the home.

The home she is in specialises in ‘advanced’ dementia so I guess I’m just feeling incredibly confused as to why everyone keeps looking to us for answers and why the only reassurance I’ve had that this is sadly a possibility in the later stages seems to have come from online resources.

Has anyone else ever felt entirely unsupported in this situation? What can we do to help her? How can we work with staff to try and mitigate this?
 

lemonlime

New member
May 18, 2024
3
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I agree with you that these should all be familiar behaviors they have seen before. I’m surprised to hear they have experience with advanced dementia too.

It took us 9 weeks to finally get a good team together. Finally, we now feel understood and that everyone is communicating openly.

We actually ended up having to change providers. It was a very, very stressful experience.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,363
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South coast
Unfortunately, there are a lot of care homes that say that they specialise in dementia, but only actually want the easy residents. A lot of these homes will then ask the family to fund 1 - 2 - 1 care if there are problems. This is very expensive and if you are asked to do this, dont - look for somewhere else. If the violence becomes very bad then sectioning might be suggested. If this happens, dont panic - many people have found this a positive thing as meds can then be sorted out in a safe environment.
 

leny connery

Registered User
Nov 13, 2022
462
0
my late mother in law was aggressive and difficult and was 'sectioned'...is there such a thing near you and can you ask for it? there must be a home which specialise or designed to deal with such patients??
 

daffodilj

New member
May 26, 2024
7
0
I agree with you that these should all be familiar behaviors they have seen before. I’m surprised to hear they have experience with advanced dementia too.

It took us 9 weeks to finally get a good team together. Finally, we now feel understood and that everyone is communicating openly.

We actually ended up having to change providers. It was a very, very stressful experience.
Thank you! She is council funded and doesn’t have the financial means (neither do our family) to fund any additional care so I’m really hoping they can settle her. I’m just so surprised by how often we have been asked to ‘talk’ to her about it and how little support we’ve had from nurses there regarding the symptoms. I understand how hard it is for staff to be abused every day, though it’s not the patients fault, but feel somewhat judged by the staff for her behaviour.
 

daffodilj

New member
May 26, 2024
7
0
my late mother in law was aggressive and difficult and was 'sectioned'...is there such a thing near you and can you ask for it? there must be a home which specialise or designed to deal with such patients??
She hasn’t been in this particular home all that long so we’re hoping she will settle, if not then we’ll have to see what other options there are but it’s so stressful as we’re so new to it all and feel the professionals don’t seem to have any answers themselves. Thank you for taking the time to respond :)
 

daffodilj

New member
May 26, 2024
7
0
Unfortunately, there are a lot of care homes that say that they specialise in dementia, but only actually want the easy residents. A lot of these homes will then ask the family to fund 1 - 2 - 1 care if there are problems. This is very expensive and if you are asked to do this, dont - look for somewhere else. If the violence becomes very bad then sectioning might be suggested. If this happens, dont panic - many people have found this a positive thing as meds can then be sorted out in a safe environment.
I have also read about LBD and medications but another thing we’ve found is no one has ever bothered to diagnose the type of dementia/alzheimers she has so I’m worried she may be given unsuitable meds. All seems very finger in the air sadly
 

daffodilj

New member
May 26, 2024
7
0
my late mother in law was aggressive and difficult and was 'sectioned'...is there such a thing near you and can you ask for it? there must be a home which specialise or designed to deal with such patients??
Sadly it has escalated to the point she is attacking people daily and can no longer engage with family so the home have mentioned having her assessed and likely sectioned which we totally understand but is devestating. It all feels like a bad dream, it's escalated so quickly.