1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. HelenD

    HelenD Registered User

    Jul 2, 2012
    Struggling just now - its just such a long haul isn't it, and I'm so scared for the future. What does everyone do to cope? x
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Hi Helen. I'm sorry you're struggling just now. I'm sure many here will recognise how you feel. Sharing your thoughts here will help I hope. x
  3. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    Hi Helen, so sorry you are having a difficult time. Yes I remember thinking exactly the same and I found the only way around it was 'one day at time' - it became a mantra when things were really bad and exhausting. I just used to repeat it to myself constantly. You can only deal with the present (mindfulness course helped me enormously a while back). Keep posting, we are all here to support you xxxxxxxxxxx and thinking of you xxx
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    Yep Izzy's spot on - come here, share, let off steam
    Am spoiling myself with a kitkat at this minute - because we all need to take a moment each day to turn aside from what has been and treat ourselves well before we turn to face the future
    I'm not making light of how you feel - I'm just saying set aside some time to be gentle with yourself
    Thinking of you
  5. Stresshead

    Stresshead Registered User

    Sep 13, 2014
    Try not to think too much about the future (I need to take my own advice). Take it one day at a time and chalk the bad days up to experience. Accept that you're allowed to have those feelings.......caring for a loved one with Dementia is hard for all sorts of reasons. Try and take time every day for you......cup of tea in the garden, half an hour reading a book, chat with a friend. Enjoy the little things.

    When I am finding it difficult to cope with dad I have learnt to leave the room, take deep breaths and leave it 10 mins before returning.

    I feel for you and every one of us on this journey. At least in TP you are amongst friends who will support you any way they can.

    Sending love and strength xx

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  6. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014

    Don't know how we cope but we do. I put mum to bed about 45 minutes ago, early tonight and I am just sitting here resting and not thinking about tomorrow.
  7. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    North Cornwall
    It's a really hard and heartbreaking situation to find yourself in. I cope by building nice things for me and Dad to look forward to into a fixed routine. Mid morning I sit down with him and enjoy a nice coffee and a bit of something that I have enjoyed making when I had some time. While he is having a nap, I have started relaxing for a while as well, within earshot, but doing something nice for me. The other thing I do is look forward to good deals that I have found online arriving in the post when I can afford it. That way, we go through the stressful stuff but are getting some relief too. I have only started relaxing more recently, thanks to advice on this lovely and informative Forum. It's definitely made a big difference. Oh yes, and if possible, I try to get some exercise, even if it is just running on the spot in front of the TV for a bit. That always helps to lift my mood. Xx
  8. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    I felt like you this time last year, I was referred for counselling by my GP but didn't actually start till the following April (was lost in the system for a while!) So by then I was feeling a lot better. I have a friend & she always says "what is the stressor?" "can you change it?" "can you change the way you think about it?"

    Well we all know the stressor is that we are caring for someone with dementia, can we change it? NO. Can we change our attitude to it, the way we view it? Sometimes, yes. If I feel myself dropping into a funk I can pull myself out by thinking, right I am going in there today & instead of sitting answering the same questions over & over & over & getting frustrated & feeling negative, I am going to give her a hand massage & paint her nails.
    I still have to answer the same questions over & over...but I am doing something nice for her so I feel more positive & she appreciates it.

    Just a small thing but it helps us both & do you know what I haven't done that in a few weeks so next time I go...

    There are other small examples of this kind of thing which helps me but often I forget & just start to sink.....till someone starts a thread like yours & my mind wakes up & says yes, I'm actually starting a slide myself at the mo so need to change my thought processes & find some positives...

    So thank you for that & so sorry for the ramble, it probably makes no sense!
  9. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    North Cornwall
    Hi Helen. I forgot to say last night. Another thing I find alleviates tension is music.My Dad has always loved music and finds great comfort and distraction in Frank Sinatra DVDs. If I put one on, he stops with the endless question cycle, concentrates and sings along or drifts off to sleep. I also enjoy watching and seeing him so rapt. He used to get comfort from familiar comedies, like Open all hours, Last of the summer wine etc but no longer has the concentration spa. I recorded the Proms and he enjoys that too. Xx

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