Struggling to cope

Katiekunzle

New member
Dec 2, 2019
3
I look after my mum. She is alternately tearful and aggressive, and I realise this is part of what is wrong with her but I am finding it difficult to step back and not let it get to me. If I say something she doesn't agree with she will look at me as if I'm something she has just stepped in. If I call her or she calls me and I can't understand what she is trying to tell me she will put the phone down on me then I am left stewing over what I could have done differently. When we speak later it's as if nothing untoward had happened. The whole situation is causing problems in my marriage, and I really feel like piggy in the middle. I sometimes feel I could just walk away from everything.
 

Woohoo

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
664
South East
Hi @Katiekunzle , welcome to tp from me . That is unfortunately common , I too get this from my mother , I have found that if I try to keep calm she will usually come round , if I get stressed/wound up she feeds off my emotions . Sometimes a cuddle is all that’s needed and other times nothing works. Yesterday she went off to her room for 3 hours ! I knocked and asked if ok, wanted anything etc and I was ignored , knocked again to say there was lunch and a drink outside the door , she came out when I had walked away and took it in, it was 2 hours later before she came out and acted like nothing had happened , you need to be prepared to say sorry for anything and everything . The compassionate communication is brilliant , I don’t know how to add a link to it so hopefully someone will be along soon who can do that . Take care .
 

Katiekunzle

New member
Dec 2, 2019
3
Hi @Katiekunzle , welcome to tp from me . That is unfortunately common , I too get this from my mother , I have found that if I try to keep calm she will usually come round , if I get stressed/wound up she feeds off my emotions . Sometimes a cuddle is all that’s needed and other times nothing works. Yesterday she went off to her room for 3 hours ! I knocked and asked if ok, wanted anything etc and I was ignored , knocked again to say there was lunch and a drink outside the door , she came out when I had walked away and took it in, it was 2 hours later before she came out and acted like nothing had happened , you need to be prepared to say sorry for anything and everything . The compassionate communication is brilliant , I don’t know how to add a link to it so hopefully someone will be along soon who can do that . Take care .
Thanks Woohoo. It helps to know it's not just me ;) Really trying to be more patient and understanding but she's always been a bit difficult and this blasted disease is making it much worse. Thing is, my brother lives away and has done nothing for her for 40 years yet she thinks the sun rises and sets in him, and I think that hurts me as much as everything else. Still, it is what it is. Fingers crossed I can get some more patience from somewhere. I think this forum will help.
 

Woohoo

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
664
South East
I can understand that feeling about your brother , do you hear what she says about you to other though ? It is incredibly hard and I sometimes have to walk away and silently scream . It’s a hideous disease I hate it with a vengeance . Be kind to yourself .
 

Katiekunzle

New member
Dec 2, 2019
3
I can understand that feeling about your brother , do you hear what she says about you to other though ? It is incredibly hard and I sometimes have to walk away and silently scream . It’s a hideous disease I hate it with a vengeance . Be kind to yourself .
Thank you
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
1,787
My mum called my brother 'the minute man' because the first thing he would say was 'I can only stay a minute' That was a long time ago and I find it a bit sad because mum adored her boy and he was always her favourite which I can understand because I have a boy and he is my favourite but then again he is an only child so he would be.

Don't take it to heart
 

Kittycatsam

Registered User
Jun 13, 2019
23
I look after my mum. She is alternately tearful and aggressive, and I realise this is part of what is wrong with her but I am finding it difficult to step back and not let it get to me. If I say something she doesn't agree with she will look at me as if I'm something she has just stepped in. If I call her or she calls me and I can't understand what she is trying to tell me she will put the phone down on me then I am left stewing over what I could have done differently. When we speak later it's as if nothing untoward had happened. The whole situation is causing problems in my marriage, and I really feel like piggy in the middle. I sometimes feel I could just walk away from everything.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
92
Hi@katiekunzle
I totally understand your frustration my dad can glare at me told me yesterday I had dropped him in the **** no idea what he meant :rolleyes:.
Dad rings my sister every time I have left him to go home, apparently says "She has left the building" like I'm blooming Elvis. Sister being nasty told me if you knew what he says about you when you have left you wouldn't go back again. I'm gonna take that with a pinch of salt as her aim is to hurt me, as you will gather we don't get on. As sister does dad a breakfast every day he seems to tread a bit more carefully with her although she isn't totally immune to his frustrations if the mood takes him.
I know he probably does say something unkind but quite honestly he's not that kind about what he says about his carers either. Told me last week if I'm dead tomorrow its your fault :(. Dad can put the phone down on me too its frustrating sometimes I just don't call back as he'll get more frustrated and angry.
I'm gonna start wearing my Big Girl Pants now as the stress of everything has been running me down. Cutting sister out of my life being a good start :).
The forum and everyone are so helpful and understanding lots of support given to me recently I hope that I can be supportive to others too. Hugs sent to you believe me I know how hard it can get. x
 
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