Hi salty dog, interested to read your posts. As an OT myself with a mother who has recently been diagnosed I fully relate to the feelings. Something very unnerving as a health professional. I found myself yesterday doing an 'assessment' of her showering to try to get a picture of her needs as she is in total denial and my stepfather is hiding how bad things are. Spends her entire life in bed but denies the fact whenever she is challenged on it. Had lunch with her today and ended up obsessing about dysphagia as she was coughing. Just an issue with her damn denture it seems. The anticipatory grief is overwhelming me at present. They have referred her to cognitive stimulation therapy but doubt I will get her there unless I strong arm her out of bed. The though of what is to come and how I manage her at home for as long as possible with a stressful and full time plus job is terrifying me.
Hi Jac, it’s so lovely to hear from you and was interested to know you are feeling similar. I was feeling all alone as an OT navigating these waters , as professionals, we are supposed to know what to do ! But truth is I am struggling with this. Like you, I find myself, without thinking, constantly assessing my mum. I jump on subtle changes which is not helpful thinking. I have learned that I need to step back and try and be a daughter. But that’s easier said than done. You can take the girl out of OT but not the OT out of the girl!
It’s natural to worry about juggling work full time and whether you will be able to cope. You need to give yourself permission for time out from mum when you need it , that way you can give yourself space from work but also time out from mum without it feeling like work all the time.
Unfortunately, I’m not the best person to ask as I am currently having some time out from work to be able to grieve. My GP was super helpful and has been very supportive in almost giving me permission for time out and that included fine away from mum - 5 weeks to be exact. I live locally to her and thankfully her partner took her away for a week on holiday which made things easier and justified me distancing myself. My GP said something interesting ... she said that in her experience no health professionals are great at dealing with this stuff when it lands on our doorstep! We can’t employ professional distance in these situations. Learning how to be a daughter is tough for me - something that I was never that great at tbh.. hate shopping, make up etc ... all
The things my mum loves ! That said we do have dogs and walking in common so have decided that’s my time when I can see mum. Doing the normal everyday routine walk with her and her dog Jessie. It’s what we have always done and I think it may be in this case the simple things are the best and matter. It’s something that we both have in common, it’s exercise, it’s getting her out and first and foremost it’s what we have always done together - mundane but important.
Telling my colleagues was really helpful in the first instance. I am so fortunate that I work in health and that my colleagues understand the impact of caring from someone who has dementia. I count my blessings. I had multiple triggers that forced me to take time out - moved from up country to be closer to my mum, dad having a stroke, job change, complex and full on patient caseload, Home change and brother being unwell.... so time out now is enabling me to catch up.
If you feel able, it may be worth chatting to your supervisor and requesting some support if you are struggling to cope. They, perhaps, can adjust your caseload or at least make regular contact time for discussions about cases that you may be finding challenging at this time.
I think reaching out to the forum has been helpful for me - Just finding you has been invaluable.
I think you and I are in quite a unique situation, as others that are in the caring professions, typical support groups aimed at carers don’t always feel a good fit for health professionals and a lot of the literature out there is aimed at those who have little or no experience of dementia.
I hope that my post has been helpful even just to know there is a fellow OT out there. I would be really happy to chat with you and also interested to find out how things are going if you feel able to share.
In the meantime, take care Jac, thinking of you xxx