Struggling to care

[Susan11]

Thank you for your reply. How did you go about finding the right home? Did you look for a home that you knew could provide nursing as well as residential care?

Well my Dad was taken into hospital and the ambulance took my Mum as well They were 97 and 93. Dad was kept in but mum didn't need to stay but the hospital would not let her come back her house with me as I live 200 miles away and the SW said it was a safeguarding issue and they would provide 12 days respite care. She gave me a list of CH that had places available. The one we chose was the 2nd one we looked at. We thought there was a posibility Dad wouldnt recover so only looking for respite care as we planned to move Mum nearer to us. We were taken with this one as when we walked up the path we could hear people laughing . And i thought this was a very good sign that the residents were in a happy environment. The Manager was very good the room was littie but ok and residents told us they were happy there and were sure my Mum would be too. The staff were all bright and cheerful . It has 5 good ratings. Dad died and we moved Mum to a CH nearer to us but she was wasn't having it and demanded to go back. She has been in the original care home 6 months now and is settling in .
In my situation you can only choose a CH that has a vacancy . Mum doesn't need nursing care. She has mild dementia .

 

[ChocolateBrownie]

I cannot help noticing how quickly this thread has turned towards discussing care homes, when the original querie query about how to help someone to stay in their home.

It may be that a time comes when a care home is the best option, but there is often an in-between period when home is a possibility with a bit more support - and it seems to be a really difficult area to navigate as a family member with no clear understanding of how health and social services interact - and hard to find helpful information.

There was a meeting this week at The House of Lords all-party group about housing and the elderly, and one of the points that came up was about how un-joined up the system is - eg when requesting home adaptations, some are 'health' some are 'social'.

Lost of people seem to be employed by social services to provide 'signposting' rather than the actual personal care that is needed. Dad has had numerous assessments, where we repeat the same information about his history and they give us the same list of organizations - all of which are listed in the local care directory which we have anyway.

 

[Susan11]

I cannot help noticing how quickly this thread has turned towards discussing care homes, when the original querie query about how to help someone to stay in their home.

It may be that a time comes when a care home is the best option, but there is often an in-between period when home is a possibility with a bit more support - and it seems to be a really difficult area to navigate as a family member with no clear understanding of how health and social services interact - and hard to find helpful information.

There was a meeting this week at The House of Lords all-party group about housing and the elderly, and one of the points that came up was about how un-joined up the system is - eg when requesting home adaptations, some are 'health' some are 'social'.

Lost of people seem to be employed by social services to provide 'signposting' rather than the actual personal care that is needed. Dad has had numerous assessments, where we repeat the same information about his history and they give us the same list of organizations - all of which are listed in the local care directory which we have anyway.

Most of the people who have to arrange a Care Home place for their loved one have investigated and exhausted all other options . It is not an easy decision to make but for their loved one it is often the safest place for them to be !

 

[kindred]

I cannot help noticing how quickly this thread has turned towards discussing care homes, when the original querie query about how to help someone to stay in their home.

It may be that a time comes when a care home is the best option, but there is often an in-between period when home is a possibility with a bit more support - and it seems to be a really difficult area to navigate as a family member with no clear understanding of how health and social services interact - and hard to find helpful information.

There was a meeting this week at The House of Lords all-party group about housing and the elderly, and one of the points that came up was about how un-joined up the system is - eg when requesting home adaptations, some are 'health' some are 'social'.

Lost of people seem to be employed by social services to provide 'signposting' rather than the actual personal care that is needed. Dad has had numerous assessments, where we repeat the same information about his history and they give us the same list of organizations - all of which are listed in the local care directory which we have anyway.

I know. I agree but the support is often hard to access and then the situation at home can become frightening. My GP said it depends upon someone in the home having an accident for any help to be given. This is not good and was terrifying when it happened to us. I would like all carers to have a named social worker to oversee their welfare (not the loved one with dementia), and for the eventual progression to a care or nursing home to be regarded as a natural and healthy option, rather than the awful battle it can be.
warmest, Geraldine aka kindred.

 

[canary]

I cannot help noticing how quickly this thread has turned towards discussing care homes, when the original querie query about how to help someone to stay in their home.

It may be that a time comes when a care home is the best option, but there is often an in-between period when home is a possibility with a bit more support - and it seems to be a really difficult area to navigate as a family member with no clear understanding of how health and social services interact - and hard to find helpful information.

There was a meeting this week at The House of Lords all-party group about housing and the elderly, and one of the points that came up was about how un-joined up the system is - eg when requesting home adaptations, some are 'health' some are 'social'.

Lost of people seem to be employed by social services to provide 'signposting' rather than the actual personal care that is needed. Dad has had numerous assessments, where we repeat the same information about his history and they give us the same list of organizations - all of which are listed in the local care directory which we have anyway.

Unfortunately, there is only so much you can do to keep people at home, especially if they live alone. People with dementia eventually need 24/7 supervision, which is difficult to organise and expensive. It sounded like the original poster had explored all the options of home care, so the next stage is a care home. None of us want to think that our PWD will need to move into a care home, but it is the sad truth that most of them will. I must say, though, that mum responded to living with someone around 24/7 and was much happier there.

 

[Sirena]

Most of the people who have to arrange a Care Home place for their loved one have investigated and exhausted all other options . It is not an easy decision to make but for their loved one it is often the safest place for them to be !

Yes, exactly. My mother had care in her own home for 18 months, but in the end she needed supervision 24 hours a day. And by that point she didn't even recognise it as her own home anyway. I was reluctant to move her to a care home but there came a point when it was the best option, and actually she is happier there than she was at home. Inevitably a care home is seen as a negative and an option of last resort, but it can work out well.

 

[acorns]

Hi Carolan1

If you live and work 45 mins away then do you think you could make a case with the social services for some financial help? If you had a direct payment then you could manage the money yourself to suit your routine. That way you could put all the resources into ‘sits’. You should be able to pick and choose from a wide range of agencies. You might also be able to register as ‘employer’ and be in charge of the whole process and employ people independently. I’ve been looking after mum at home for part of the week for many years. As care costs went up that’s gradually become nearly the whole week over time but it has been very rewarding.

Staffing is always a worry at the back of my mind. I like the idea of graduates – and/or students on health and social care courses in Tech. I now have the daughters of the original carers and I find them very enthusiastic, full of creative ideas and not carrying ‘baggage’. I haven’t gone down the path of employer yet as it’s a bit scary, but that possibility does exist … then I would adjust hours and pay whatever was needed to get and keep the best staff – and hopefully get some of the original carers back!

I hope you get something sorted – keep us posted!