Hi Delphie,
I can relate to how you are feeling. I lost my beautiful Mum to cancer September 2011.Mum was 100% crystal clear in her mind right up until she decided to have her final days in a hospice. We were able to talk throughout her illness and put her wishes into practice. Knowing it was what she wanted.
My Mother in Law, who I dearly love, was diagnosed with alzhemer's last summer. It has been horrible and until it comes knocking on your door and you have experienced it, no one will understand.
Your relationship changes, it has too as the person is no longer the person you knew. The nastiness, not directed at me (yet!), has been awful to witness. My mother in law is currently in hospital after a fall. At least the family have a break knowing she is safe and not having to worry when the phone rings as to what has happened next. Phoning for a rant, on the floor, has she had her tablets or the carers haven't been.
I struggle visiting but I do agree with other posts, visiting just works her up. We take it in turns and make sure there is a visit each day from one of the family.
You are doing all that you can. Stay strong but remember to look after you too. Your heart will guide you to know what to do for the best. The main thing she is safe.
This truly is the most dreadfull illness.. Love and best wishes to all who have it in their life. xxxx
Thank you so much.