Hello everyone, been such a long time since I posted on this thread, is that a good sign or what , I don't know. Despite the gloomy weather ,mum's birthday and the dreaded first xmas looming up I am feeling a bit more alive and getting some energy back. The sadness still overwhelms us most days but we are starting to laugh again and spending more time together as a family, without so much of the guilt and heaviness of the past few months. Can't cope with all the christmas stuff at the moment, I have to walk out of shops and places with all the music and lights going on. This will be my first ever xmas without her - I would love to just disappear for a week or so, but not just me to think about so will have to take it one day/hour at a time and get through all these "firsts" together.
We buried her ashes in the place she wanted, - took a lot of searching, phone calls and emails, trying to find the family plot - never knew there were so many petty rules and regulations around where, when, how etc. Still haven't cleared the house, probably leave it till the new year. It feels too early to be letting go , I don't think it's really sunk in still that she is no longer here. I talk to her all the time, I've been told this is normal so it's good to know I'm not going loopy. What seems strange , I tend to get answers that I would never have thought of by myself. Maybe this is the way that people live on after they pass, all those memories stored away for us to call on when we need a bit of reassurance.
I hope everyone is doing ok, I will try and post a bit more often now that the fog in my head has started to clear. Sending big warm cyber hugs to everyone here xxxx