Step mother with late dementia overfeeding cats

[Kated1]

Hello, this is my first post and I am hoping that someone out there has some advice for me.
My stepmother, who has full time live in care , won’t stop overfeeding her cats, she feeds them 6 or 7 times a day but will swear blind she only does it twice a day. I have suggested that the carer only gives her 2 sachets a day and hides the rest but she went bananas when I suggested this, she really believes she only feeds them twice a day! She also locks them inside if she thinks it is too cold or wet( there is a cat flap but she locks it)
The poor cats are suffering but she is obsessed with them , she never had children and she treats the cats like her children.
When the carer , or I try to reduce the amounts she feeds the cats , she becomes angry and aggressive, even hitting and kicking her carer.
The litter trays are constantly full and very smelly but she has to be cajoled into cleaning them ( she won’t let anyone else do it either)
I am at my wits end , I believe I should remove the cats and rehome them but am worried that she won’t understand they are gone and go wandering off to find them, or she will be so distressed that she will become even angrier with her carer. On the other hand I can’t bear that the cats are really suffering.
Any ideas?

 

[AutumnRigby]

Hi there.

We are in a similar position, but not so bad yet, my.mum will.feed the dog three bowls.of biscuits a day, (she usually has one) and Insists that the dog won't go outside without having a treat. The dog loves it but is getting increasingly heavier. My daughter who is a mental health nurse asked her colleagues about this and it is quite common for dementia patients to.do.this and that if the pet is healthy they wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like the cats may have gone past this from what you write.
Would it be possible to get one of the cats to a vet for a check up ( it might mean a little white lie to.your.mum to make this happen) at least from there you can use any professional advice in removing the cats if necessary.

If that doesn't work maybe if you become desperate an anonymous call.to.the RSPCA, they would.come.in to check on.the cats

I hope this helps a little

 

[Kated1]

Hi there.

We are in a similar position, but not so bad yet, my.mum will.feed the dog three bowls.of biscuits a day, (she usually has one) and Insists that the dog won't go outside without having a treat. The dog loves it but is getting increasingly heavier. My daughter who is a mental health nurse asked her colleagues about this and it is quite common for dementia patients to.do.this and that if the pet is healthy they wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like the cats may have gone past this from what you write.
Would it be possible to get one of the cats to a vet for a check up ( it might mean a little white lie to.your.mum to make this happen) at least from there you can use any professional advice in removing the cats if necessary.

If that doesn't work maybe if you become desperate an anonymous call.to.the RSPCA, they would.come.in to check on.the cats

I hope this helps a little

Thank you , the vets is a good idea, I may need to wait until it’s time for vaccinations to get them in there , but can certainly phone them to ask for any advice.

 

[Kated1]

I'm really sorry to hear about the tough situation with your stepmother and her cats. It must be incredibly challenging to witness the struggle between her love for the cats and the impact on their well-being. It's clear you're deeply concerned about everyone involved.

In situations like this, seeking advice from professionals, perhaps a veterinarian or counselor, might offer valuable insights tailored to your unique circumstances. I truly hope you find a compassionate solution that prioritizes the well-being of both your stepmother and the cats. If you ever need someone to talk to or share your thoughts, feel free to reach out.

Thank you for your kind words and advice .

 

[Fugs]

Hi, I assume that these are female cats. In my experience male cats will only eat a certain amount of food regardless of how much you put down, while female cats will eat the lot. (We used to have a right Madam like that who could also open cupboards and plastic containers to help herself!) I guess that swapping the female cats for male cats might be impractical. I have no suggestions for the litter tray, and can't think of much worse than a PWD dealing with cat litter. Trying to dance around my wife and "her" cat is also a challenge, but it seems easier than your situation. She also doesn't like letting the cat out side, although I make mistakes with the door sometimes. 😉 (Oh no he got out again)

 

[Lawson58]

This is a slow feeder that my cats use. They can’t just stick their heads in a bowl but have to work at it. They have to pull the food out with a paw to be able to eat.

If you could sell the idea of something similar to your mum along the lines of ‘Look mum. They can eat all day’ it might help. It only takes dry food so that actually would be a bit cheaper too.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Kated1 and welcome to Dementia Support Forum. You will find this to be a helpful and friendly community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. You can ask questions, join in with conversations, share with people who truly understand and let off steam when you need to. I don't know much about cats but recognise the problem of overfeeding from my wife's habit of buying tins of sardines for our greyhound. You have received some good advice already but please don't hesitate to ask any other questions that you may have.

 

[Kated1]

Hi, I assume that these are female cats. In my experience male cats will only eat a certain amount of food regardless of how much you put down, while female cats will eat the lot. (We used to have a right Madam like that who could also open cupboards and plastic containers to help herself!) I guess that swapping the female cats for male cats might be impractical. I have no suggestions for the litter tray, and can't think of much worse than a PWD dealing with cat litter. Trying to dance around my wife and "her" cat is also a challenge, but it seems easier than your situation. She also doesn't like letting the cat out side, although I make mistakes with the door sometimes. 😉 (Oh no he got out again)

Thank you

 

[Kated1]

This is a slow feeder that my cats use. They can’t just stick their heads in a bowl but have to work at it. They have to pull the food out with a paw to be able to eat.

If you could sell the idea of something similar to your mum along the lines of ‘Look mum. They can eat all day’ it might help. It only takes dry food so that actually would be a bit cheaper too.

Thank you . Unfortunately anything new in the house is an absolute no for my stepmother. But this looks great

 

[Kated1]

Hi @Kated1 and welcome to Dementia Support Forum. You will find this to be a helpful and friendly community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. You can ask questions, join in with conversations, share with people who truly understand and let off steam when you need to. I don't know much about cats but recognise the problem of overfeeding from my wife's habit of buying tins of sardines for our greyhound. You have received some good advice already but please don't hesitate to ask any other questions that you may have.

Thank you .

 

[ShivyDevon]

Unfortunately this is only likely to get worse and stressed cats can cause additional problems with changes in behaviour, toileting in the house, stress vomiting etc. This can sometimes affect other areas of their health also which means they may need medication giving etc. So much additional stress for you and the carer.

I think you need to try and get the cats rehomed. Could you get blank copies of their vaccination cards and put the booster for a date closer to now? If your mum asks you have the 'evidence' they're due. Then you'll probably need to get creative in saying they're poorly and had to stay in to be monitored and see how far you can drag that out until she forgets about them.

Search for love lies on the forum. That's what these would be - for both her and the cats. Good luck 👍🏻

 

[Kated1]

Unfortunately this is only likely to get worse and stressed cats can cause additional problems with changes in behaviour, toileting in the house, stress vomiting etc. This can sometimes affect other areas of their health also which means they may need medication giving etc. So much additional stress for you and the carer.

I think you need to try and get the cats rehomed. Could you get blank copies of their vaccination cards and put the booster for a date closer to now? If your mum asks you have the 'evidence' they're due. Then you'll probably need to get creative in saying they're poorly and had to stay in to be monitored and see how far you can drag that out until she forgets about them.

Search for love lies on the forum. That's what these would be - for both her and the cats. Good luck 👍🏻

Thank you

 

[Veritas]

I think you do have to remove the cats, to be honest, to protect their welfare. This situation isn't going to get any better, and might get even worse before your stepmother is unable to register whether they're around or not.

Ask the vet for advice, but I suspect your're going to have to invent some infection they've both got, that means they have to go to the vet to check them over, and the outcome is that they must stay there. Prime the vet first if your stepmother insists on coming too.

Once they are gone, you can clean up the litter tray but leave it in place for now ("ready for their return") if you think that might help the adjustment. And perhaps invest in one of these:

https://www.robopets.co.uk/

We have an elderly dog, who I think may be becoming stressed, because my PWD is now unable to work with the timetable that is written down, and is regularly convinced that the dog hasn't been fed in spite of evidence to the contrary. The problem is that the dog - given the opportunity - will overeat, with unattractive consequences for his gastrointestinal system. He is also arthritic and has put on weight recently, because some of the overfeeding is registering, which is not helping. Needless to say, it is yours truly who has become a dog carer on top of everything else. When the dog goes on to his happy hunting ground, I am absolutely not getting another. I am considering a robopet though because it clearly is comforting (and not just for my PWD!).

 

[Waitinggame]

I don’t think this will help much as I think your stepmother is too aware of any changes you may try to make but as has been said you could try to bring vaccinations forward and ask vet for a home visit or take stepmother to the surgery if this is the norm. If you could have a word with the vet you are going to see beforehand they may convince her that cats need a different regime. Make sure it is the vet you are going to see so the message gets across and also make sure vet doesn’t say ‘your stepdaughter said or your carer said’! I wouldn’t advise the RSPCA as they are very black and white and may consider taking cats away regardless. You may want to take a step back and consider how unhappy cats are even though they are not being looked after properly. If your stepmother deteriorates it may be possible to introduce the models of cats that she can stroke etc. I realise this maybe a long way off. Good luck.

 

[Kated1]

I don’t think this will help much as I think your stepmother is too aware of any changes you may try to make but as has been said you could try to bring vaccinations forward and ask vet for a home visit or take stepmother to the surgery if this is the norm. If you could have a word with the vet you are going to see beforehand they may convince her that cats need a different regime. Make sure it is the vet you are going to see so the message gets across and also make sure vet doesn’t say ‘your stepdaughter said or your carer said’! I wouldn’t advise the RSPCA as they are very black and white and may consider taking cats away regardless. You may want to take a step back and consider how unhappy cats are even though they are not being looked after properly. If your stepmother deteriorates it may be possible to introduce the models of cats that she can stroke etc. I realise this maybe a long way off. Good luck.

Thank you

 

[backin]

I have had cats all my life, even running a rescue for several years. In my experience cats will not over eat to the extent of dogs, you can't force them to eat. I'm not saying I haven't seen (or had) a fat cat but they are very different to dogs. Hence cats can have dry food down all day and dogs can't

As far as having access to outside, they don't need it. I sometimes keep my cat flaps closed if it is miserable outside as the cats won't go out and it can make the house colder.

We do keep our litter trays as clean as possible but cat poo can be smelly so it is impossible to totally eliminate smells. A fresh poo has us running for the scoop.
We use worlds best cat litter, it's about £30 a bag but lasts ages and is flushable down the toilet. Much easier than any other cat litter as long as the cats will accept it.
Another thing that can work is having a clean tray prepared and sitting under the tray in use so they can be swapped out easily. If she has full time live in care, why are the carers not keeping on top of things?

If she enjoys the cats then I think it would be cruel to deny her that. It does sound as if they are more of an inconvenience for you than her. If she were not feeding them , that would be a different matter.

You will also find it very difficult to find good homes for the cats unless you are lucky enough to know someone who is prepared to take them on. All charities are full to bursting. How old are the cats?