1. oh why me

    oh why me Registered User

    Apr 5, 2006
    3
    nottinghamshire
    hi , after a very bad day today i was serching the www when i came across this forum .... my mum (73) was told just over 1 year ago she has A , things have been sort of ok for a while , just the usual , memory loss , repeating , etc 11 days ago mums live in parter went away on holiday and i was left in charge! very daunting has i live 3 miles away , married with 3 small children , but ah ho ... things have not been to bad until today ....she was very agitated , confused ,angry , resentful and didnt know me although she did a good job of covering it up . at 1 point of the day she was asking when my dad was coming home for tea and was he working away etc.. she has not lived with my dad for 27 years !!! this i found very difficult because if mum was well she would have been horrified at the thought of her waiting in for my dad... i was looking for advice on the various stages of A and to what stage she was at , plus can any tell me if i will get over the guilt of how im feling at the moment .. when im at home with my hubby and family i feel like i need to be with mum and when im there i want ot be at home . I know that because mums partner is away things are out of routine , ive tried to get help but mum is very stubborn and refused medicines or help of any kind ... any advice would be great


    thanks
     
  2. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    hi,
    welcome to tp if you need advice you've come to the right place,
    did you mean your mum is on no medication at all?
    if you need advice you can check out the factsheets which is just under home in the left hand corner of the page theres some great advice to be got there,

    I think the guilt is very normal my mum is in hospital at the moment she has dementia, and i feel i should be going there twice a day with dad but im trying to fit my family in as well:eek:

    Im also divorced and my mum still thinks im married:eek: :eek:

    im not much good on advice but theres lots on here who are ive havent long joined and found it a godsend
    hope you get some answers
     
  3. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Hello

    You are having a rough time at the moment, poor thing.

    If you click on the word Factsheets, top left of the page, you will find masses of information.

    My own Mum is 74 and was diagnosed just over 5 years ago, and following my Dad's death 18 months ago is now in residential care.

    Although there are stages of AD, they are not set in stone, which is what I have found the hardest thing to cope with. There seems to be no set pattern or timescale to work to.

    Mum has had hallucination from time to time, has failed to recognise family for months now, but will occasionally introduce me as her daughter. She used to have extreme anxiety attacks, but they seem to have gone, she can no longer read or write and her speech is going, but she is still very much her helpful, smiley self most of the time.


    I find the only way I cope is not to look back too much, that is too painful, but to try and take each day as it comes.

    As for guilt, it is always on my shoulder, wherever I am, with Mum or not, even though I know that she is in the best place for her, looked after 24/7 by a lovely set of staff who have become friends over the months.

    Guilt seems to come with the territory.

    Take things one step at a time and you will get there, I promise.

    Kathleen
     
  4. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Hi

    So we're back on the old guilt trip again! I know that it is an irrational feeling as my daughter felt the same about her mum and in truth she does more than can be expected to help us out. You do your best and any negative feelings can only make matters worse.

    As for stages in AD I'm not aware of any in the six years I have been intimately involved in caring. There are many aspects of AD which I have observed as being fairly common but no two cases seem to be the same and as for stages, forget it - this is a bumpy ride and there are few rules.

    Keep in touch as there is a wealth of experience here for you to tap into.

    Hugs

    Dick
     
  5. oh why me

    oh why me Registered User

    Apr 5, 2006
    3
    nottinghamshire


    hi

    thanks for taking the time to reply .. yes mum takes no medication at all as she flatly refuses to take anything even asprin ! ive just got back from mums she seems to be a bit clearer this evening ..so i hope this mornings episode has passed i will check out the fact sheets has soon has ive put the kids to bed

    once again thanks for the time

    jue
     
  6. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    hi again jue

    I wish my kids were young enough to put them to bed early!!

    I find it amazing that your mum is taking no medication at all but i am new to this disease so perhaps its common??

    my mum is taking 9 tablets and thats just for breakfast she rattles when we put her to bed:)

    your description of your mum today was how my mum was last week we had to admit her to EMI to get her assessed again and get her meds looked at,

    my mum has a rapidly progressive dementia and she's got to this stage after being diagnosed in february they have told us that its so rapid she'l probably only last a year, so weve gone through a lot of stages in a short period of time so im afraid i cant help you with that one.

    the factsheets are helpfull hope you get some peace to read them
    good luck:)
     
  7. soozieann

    soozieann Registered User

    Dec 7, 2005
    20
    Wallington
    Re: oh why me?

    Hello Jue,

    Do hope you feel a bit brighter now. Talking Point is such a great help, especially if you want to 'dump'.

    My Mum passed away nearly a month ago now, but I remember her 'difficult' days very well. They were mainly going on last November. She seemed to be between moments of lucidity, moments of anger [usually directed at me!] and moments of complete confusion where she hallucinated strange people in her flat.

    The symtoms were much worse when she had a UTI [urinary tract infection] and I got to recognise this very well.

    Mum wasn't on any medication for dementia, and was in the process of being assessed by the pyscho-geriatric clinic when she went into hospital on 23rd December and then went into residential care.

    Please don't feel guilty, you will depress and exhaust yourself. You can only do what you can do. I know how it impacts on your family, fortunately my son is 14, and my husband very understanding- but it did cause some arguements with my husband because I was so emotionally and physically tired I could be tearful and emotional.

    Chin up Jue- I hope all goes well.

    Best wishes
    Soozieann
     
  8. oh why me

    oh why me Registered User

    Apr 5, 2006
    3
    nottinghamshire
    hi soozieann

    so sorry to hear you lost your mum , my husband has been great , his father was diagonosed (sorry about bad spelling) with alzheimers at the age of 49 and died aged 55 (15 years ago now) so he knows what im going through , mums partner and full time carer is back off her hols now so the immediate pressure has been lifted but i know things have gone down hill rapidly , we are waiting for mums appointment at the "clinic" mum has been before but she refused to go again saying it was full of "nutters"!! they have decided to see mum at home this time so hopefully things will be sorted out pretty soon , the guilt has not improved at all , in fact one night last week i really wanted mum to peacefully slip away , then in the cold light of day could not believe that i had such horrid thoughts , however this gave me the push to ring my local branch of the A society, who told me its very common for the children of A sufferes to think like this , so i don't feel so bad about it now . Im not sure what the future will be for mum i know its never going to be better for her so i will do like you all have before me and thats keep my chin up and deal with what life throws at me , i know thats what my mum would do

    jue
     
  9. jakky

    jakky Registered User

    Jan 30, 2006
    147
    Staffs
    oh why me quote---
    "Im not sure what the future will be for mum i know its never going to be better for her so i will do like you all have before me and thats keep my chin up and deal with what life throws at me , i know thats what my mum would do"

    definitely not on your own with some not nice thoughts, bin there!!!!

    best way forward, positive attitude...."for mums sake"
    keep going and yeah-"chin up", stay strong and take care...
    thinking of ya

    jakky
     

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