Soooooo tired

[pinkwizard1]

A few weeks, some of you may remember I was advised Mum probably is going through the Hostess Mode, her diagnosis is Memory Impairment. Oh dear, how correct were my advisors on here.......update is that this past week Mum has had horrendous constipation with UTI. And along with the effects that that caused wuth wee everywhere, plus the laxatives have now landed me 7 days and nights of everything everywhere! Consequently the washing machine has been going non stop etc etc. and I'm dropping! I've now got a carer for Mum 1/2 hour each morning but only for a few days. Mum 's ended up making herself totally dependant, not even being able to put in her hearing aid this morning as ' my hip hurts too much, never had so much pain' the Doctor has given her a 10mcg Morphine patch. I kind of think...
really? Any ideas as what is she playing at? The doc says nothing is wrong and her urine test is clear. Is she just playing up?

 

[HillyBilly]

Huge sympathy. Been there with the everything everywhere. It's not fun.
Do you think the bowels are now sorted?

 

[canary]

Infections of any sort (and especially UTIs) play havoc with dementia. Your mum wont be doing this on purpose, hun.
Every time mum got a UTI her dementia progressed that bit more. Your mums cognitive ability might improve some, but quite possibly not back to the level it was before.

 

[Beate]

A carer for half an hour every few days is not going to be enough. If Social Services think this is all she needs you need to go back and request a reassessment. Prepare and write down everything she needs daily help with. They will only react properly if you persistently chase them and demand adequate support.
Your Mum isn't making herself dependent on purpose, and it's only going to get worse. Have you applied for Attendance Allowance for her?

 

[pinkwizard1]

It certainly seems that she is trying it on and draining me out. When my husband is in the evening she's fine, keeps clean and dry, holds a normal conversation etc etc. From 7am til evening she's a living nightmare.
We have got the allowance but they say if we get in more carers I lose my CA and as I can't work I can't afford to lose that. (I'm a registered nurse so my shifts would be 12 hours)
Just can't seem to find a way of more support except people asking if I've got it but they can't come up with the actual help. She owns her home and refuses to sell so her money is tied. I don't want to be become resentful but its happening and the more tired I get etc etc
I just want to understand her especially as the hospital will not diagnose dementia just memory loss.

 

[Beate]

If she's fine with her husband but not with you she's definitely in hostess mode with him.

Why would you lose your CA just because you have more carers in? As long as you still fulfil the criteria, one of which is to provide at least 35 hours of care per week, you will not lose it. Those 35 hours also contain time spent away from her dealing with her finances, chasing appointments or shopping for her. Supervising her at home is also considered care. Carers don't necessarily subtract from that so I wouldn't worry and use it as a reason not to get more help in.

Have you got finance LPA for her? If you don't and she's still able to give it to you please urgently obtain it, and the health one too. Once she has lost capacity you will then be able to sell her house to cover care costs.

 

[HillyBilly]

We have got the allowance but they say if we get in more carers I lose my CA and as I can't work I can't afford to lose that.

This doesn't sound right @pinkwizard1. Who are "they"?
I think there are many carers on here in receipt of CA, AND with carers coming in to share the load. You "only" need to be caring for 35hrs/week and there are 168 of those in every week!

 

[Shedrech]

hi pinkwizard1
I too don't understand the comment about home care visits and your Carer's Allowance - I received CA, didn't live with my dad and he had over time anything from 2 to 4 carer visits a day as was needed - he was self-funding so the LA weren't involved in paying for his care
if your mum is self-funding, you can effectively arrange care visits to suit your circumstances
if her care fees are funded by the LA, they should not be using your CA as an excuse not to increase your mum's home care package, that should be based solely on her care needs
your mum doesn't need to even consider selling her home, as long as she lives there it is disregarded in the LA financial assessment - or is she living with you and her proprty is empty?

 

[pinkwizard1]

Thanks everyone. I'll have a rethink, she's living with us so yes 168 hours a week. We'll revisit some options and buy more help.
Tomorrow when the carer is here, it's going to be tough but I'm going out for the half hour, I've agreed with myself to do it ☺