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Registered User
Nov 2, 2005
Ruth has been ill with Alzhimers for over 12 years having started symptoms when she was 44. Now 57 she will leave us shortly and her suffering will end. I have cared for her and loved her more and more as her symtoms grew worse. Now not eating or drinking I have refused to have her peg fed. It is now a matter of time. I do not know what I will do. My life revolves around her. I know I lost the Ruth we all loved so much a long time ago I guess seeing the end of her suffering will help me cope.


Registered User
Feb 24, 2007
I am so sorry that you're having to go through this but as you said, there is small comfort in the knowledge that ruth will no longer be suffering after her long journey. I still felt hurt and cried etc. when granddad passed away a few weeks ago (God I still do!) but when i was having one of my more "logical moments" during the wake i knew it was better for him this way.....he wouldn't have wanted to continue as he was. i'm thinking of you so much and hoping you find the strength within you. stay strong.

love and hugs. xx

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Afghan,

I`m so sorry you and Ruth are coming to the end of this ordeal. Sorry for you, because when it`s over, you will have a different ordeal of your own to face, but for Ruth, it will bring peace at last.

12 years is a long time. I would not have had a peg fitted either. It only prolongs the inevitable agony.

Just take care and try to find peace in these final times. It`s a lonely road, you have given all you could give, and it seems as if it`s out of your hands now.

With love


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear Afghan

So sorry that you are losing your dear wife, Ruth. You have loved and cared for her for so long, and now the end is in sight, for her, if not for you.

It's so hard to lose a loved one, and you must be feeling so sad, but Ruth has suffered enough.

Take time to care for yourself now. Keep posting, we're always here.


plastic scouser

Registered User
Sep 22, 2006
Hale Village, Liverpool
Hi Afghan

We went through this with my Dad in January. He refused to eat & drink all but the odd teaspoon full, lapsed into a stupour, recovered to the point where he was chatting with Mum in the afternoon then passed away later that night from a pulmonary oedaema (?!).

Not once during this time did we have him "force fed". The hospital did what they could to get nutrition into him in the form of a drip, but that was very little.

I just hope that she passes on in peace as Dad did. and that you celebrate her life rather than mourn her. When we buried Dad we did it before going on to the service and it really helped not having him sat in front of us in a coffin - we were really able to celebrate his life and remember the good times and not dwell too much on the sadness.

God be with you and give you peace during this difficult time.