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Some input for someone who just got into this

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
81
This was the first night I actually slept quite well. Dreamt about her again, but it was a decent night.

We spoke with the center in the morning and last night she also had a good night, no more shouting or other things, so that might be the reason why I also slept.

I am trying to occupy my time with different stuff. Wanted to work a bit, but I am not quite ready for that yet.
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
81
I will.
Early in the morning, I wrote a mail to our relatives in NY, my uncle & aunt, and asked them, privately, to call more my parents, as they need to feel the loved ones around. They have a good relationship, I can't remember when it was the last time they saw each other. Might be 6-7 years.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
888
A good idea and very kind. Nice to feel the family gathering around, even if it is from a distance.
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
81
She had the second good night, with no incidents, so hopefully I will meet her next week.

I am thinking of asking the institute for blood and urinary test, to see if there are other issues present, maybe It might help her. What do you think?

I don't want to move her in any way as our medical system at the moment is on the brick of collapsing due to Covid.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
888
Good morning @JohnGroban . That is good news. I think you are right not to move your grandmother at the moment. It sounds as though she is settling where she is and any changes may be upsetting for her. I don't suppose there is any harm in inquiring about tests which might be carried out.
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
81
The entire COVID thing is getting out of control here + the paperwork behind this situation is a full nightmare as there isn't a clear "road" to take because of how poor the medical system is.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
888
I'm afraid COVID has taken center stage rather! Nothing else seems to matter very much. Can your grandmother stay where she is for a good while?
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
81
Yeah, she can.
If by a tragedy of fate, COVID will hit our finance in a big way and we will have 0 income, after a few calculations, lucky enough we have the finance to support her care for a couple of years .

So yeah, we are blessed, at least with this thing.
Plus, the place is 15 minutes by walk from my home, so if they close us down, I can reach her easily.
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
81
So I made today the arrangements to get her a full blood and urine scan, plus a CT.

It will be quite a ride as we can't have any interaction with her due to her not accepting us at the moment, so I need to pay a dedicated ambulance, a nurse for a day from the center where she is, plus the whole test and all in a time when the cases of COVID are imploding.

But before doing all of this, I need to get a paper from the doctor of the family. Without it, they can't get even a drop of blood.

I am somewhat calm.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
888
Good lord. Can't someone visit your grandmother to do urine and blood tests? I'm a bit concerned that she will be distressed by the ambulance trip and all the tests, just when she seems to be settling. Do you feel it is worth it?
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
81
I don't know. But the last time she did any of this was back in 2008. And before that, we don't know, might be over 20 years or so ...

I am torn about this. I am trying the urine and blood to be done there, but for the CT she needs to go to a clinic. I won't do them in the same day.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
760
I am a great believer in the saying.
’Better to regret have done than what you haven’t’
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
888
Glad to hear that tests can be done in situ. I would be inclined to have the blood and urine tests done first, see if that throws anything useful up and then go on to the scan if you feel it's still needed and useful. Fair comment from @Weasell . I'm more on the not doing anything that would cause distress side but my mum's awfully easily distressed and when mum's distressed, everyone's distressed.

Good to hear that you are somewhat calm too. That's always a good thing.
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
81
After a long, long, long road with the system, I managed to solve some private blood and urine tests for her for Thursday in the morning, so I need to go there really early.
Sadly, the state can't help me as the center she is doesn't have a contract with her state insurance provider, so I had to hire a third party for this also.

But the good news, I hope, tomorrow at 3 I will see her. I am very nervous as I have no idea how to act, how she will respond.
Are there some "no-no"s I should avoid? Like saying she will go home, etc?
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
888
Hello @JohnGroban . I hope your visit goes well. Best to be upbeat and cheerful if possible. I would avoid any mention of going home, just tell your grandmother that she's not been very well and is there to get better and be looked after for a while. Also probably best not to ask anything complicated, keep it simple and give your grandmother plenty of time to respond. Try and go with the flow and not contradict what your grandmother says. Lots of "oh really?" and "that's nice" for anything which doesn't quite make sense. If she asks where somebody is who is no longer around, best to say something along the lines of "they couldn't come today/just me here today" or "I haven't seen them today". Of course you feel nervous but you'll be fine. Let us know how it goes. I don't know what the rules are there. Do you have to wear a mask and keep your distance?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,964
South coast
Are there some "no-no"s I should avoid? Like saying she will go home, etc?
Mum used to pick up on my emotions and if I was cheerful, she would be, but if I was uspet she would be too. So - give the performance of a life-time and be very upbeat and cheerful. If you are allowed, get her to show you around. Admire the view, her room, the decor, the curtains.... Tell her how lovely everyone there is. It may not be altogether true (think alternative facts ;) ), but its what she needs to hear.
Avoid committing yourself when faced with questions like can she go home, just kick the can down the road. If she demands to know when she is coming home just say "soon", "when the doctor says" or similar. Use distraction if you see the conversation going the wrong way. I used to take her favourite sweets (candy) or chocolate so that I could produce them if I didnt like the way events were turning.
Dont stay too long and avoid long goodbyes. In fact, I never did say goodbye to mum as this was often a trigger point for her getting upset. I used to leave my coat and bag in the managers office (other people leave them in the car) and I used to choose a time when mum was distracted - get a member of staff clued up to show your mum "something important" and just say you need the loo and slip away. It sounds mean, but it is definitely better than them getting upset.
Hope it goes well.
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
81
Thanks @canary & @lemonbalm

Yeah, I will have to wear a mask and keep the distance as there are a lot of elderly people there. I don't know where we will meet, but I am guessing outside, as I am not allowed to enter because of this goddamn pandemic.

After tomorrow I will have a detailed idea on what to expect from now on, but most of all, If it will be ok for my mum and dad to come and visit her.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
888
Well the mask and distance might mean that your grandmother doesn't recognize you straight away. Hopefully she will know your voice and recognize you then, if not immediately. I recommend you wear something that will be familiar to her. I hope it goes well.
 

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