Mum was diagnosed 3 years ago. After a significant deterioration in mum's dementia since Christmas, I asked her GP for help. He put me in touch with Social Services and yesterday mum had an assessment.
Background info: I live 50 miles from mum. She's still in her own home. I'm her only carer/contact, no other friends/family. I gave up my job 6 months ago to care for her. I currently visit every other day, do her food shop, keep the house clean etc. I never know which 'mum' will greet me. She's incredibly stubborn and confrontational. I have sole POA and last week out of the blue mum appeared to realise I have control of her finances. Verbally abused me down the phone, calling me a thief etc. So far, so normal. She currently loses keys/purse several times a week. I want to keep her at home for as long as possible and at this moment I think she could be classed as NOT at risk....yet. But she only manages BECAUSE I visit every other day. My intervention means she is doing ok, but I want to know what steps I should be taking for when the day comes that she needs residential care, hence the assessment yesterday. She refuses all other care options...won't let carers in the house, won't go to a day care centre.
So, yesterday, social worker comes, asks a million questions which mum just answered in the affirmative, regardless of the truth. Lots of confabulations which the SW just appeared to accept as truth. I intervened on a few occasions to tell it like it really is. Mum got upset. Refused all suggestions of help from SW- day care, visiting carers. Mum says there is nothing wrong with her and there is no way she going in a home. SW promised that isn't the case and then just left, saying "oh well I can't force you"..
I had to ask if I'll get a copy of her 'report'. She said mum's not too bad really and managing really well. SHE DOESN'T SEE WHAT I SEE!!
10 minutes after she leaves, I find slippers covered in faeces hidden under the bed. At 8pm last night just after I got home, mum rings me saying she doesn't know where she is or who she is.......
I feel that the SW visit was a waste of time. I asked what happens next...a shrug of her shoulders. Mum's fine at home apparantly!
So here's my dilemma:
Ok, so I'll just carry on looking after her on my own until I'm having to go every day. Then when I'm not there at some point, mum has a crisis - goes out, gets lost, has a fall, sets the house on fire - whatever - then will Social services do something and accept she needs to be in a home? Do we really have to wait until something awful happens? If I am the only person saying she needs full time care, mum refuses to leave her home, what then? I have POA and she does NOT in any way have mental capacity, but that seems to have been ignored. I'm not saying she needs full time residential care now but she will in the near future and everything takes time to set up, doesn't it?......how does this happen if both mum and Social Services say she's fine at home!??
It feels like I'm just left to get with it until mum has some awful crisis. Is there no other way? I really thought Social Services would be a lifeline, now I feel desperate and even more anxious about the future. Any advice would be so very much appreciated...
Background info: I live 50 miles from mum. She's still in her own home. I'm her only carer/contact, no other friends/family. I gave up my job 6 months ago to care for her. I currently visit every other day, do her food shop, keep the house clean etc. I never know which 'mum' will greet me. She's incredibly stubborn and confrontational. I have sole POA and last week out of the blue mum appeared to realise I have control of her finances. Verbally abused me down the phone, calling me a thief etc. So far, so normal. She currently loses keys/purse several times a week. I want to keep her at home for as long as possible and at this moment I think she could be classed as NOT at risk....yet. But she only manages BECAUSE I visit every other day. My intervention means she is doing ok, but I want to know what steps I should be taking for when the day comes that she needs residential care, hence the assessment yesterday. She refuses all other care options...won't let carers in the house, won't go to a day care centre.
So, yesterday, social worker comes, asks a million questions which mum just answered in the affirmative, regardless of the truth. Lots of confabulations which the SW just appeared to accept as truth. I intervened on a few occasions to tell it like it really is. Mum got upset. Refused all suggestions of help from SW- day care, visiting carers. Mum says there is nothing wrong with her and there is no way she going in a home. SW promised that isn't the case and then just left, saying "oh well I can't force you"..
I had to ask if I'll get a copy of her 'report'. She said mum's not too bad really and managing really well. SHE DOESN'T SEE WHAT I SEE!!
10 minutes after she leaves, I find slippers covered in faeces hidden under the bed. At 8pm last night just after I got home, mum rings me saying she doesn't know where she is or who she is.......
I feel that the SW visit was a waste of time. I asked what happens next...a shrug of her shoulders. Mum's fine at home apparantly!
So here's my dilemma:
Ok, so I'll just carry on looking after her on my own until I'm having to go every day. Then when I'm not there at some point, mum has a crisis - goes out, gets lost, has a fall, sets the house on fire - whatever - then will Social services do something and accept she needs to be in a home? Do we really have to wait until something awful happens? If I am the only person saying she needs full time care, mum refuses to leave her home, what then? I have POA and she does NOT in any way have mental capacity, but that seems to have been ignored. I'm not saying she needs full time residential care now but she will in the near future and everything takes time to set up, doesn't it?......how does this happen if both mum and Social Services say she's fine at home!??
It feels like I'm just left to get with it until mum has some awful crisis. Is there no other way? I really thought Social Services would be a lifeline, now I feel desperate and even more anxious about the future. Any advice would be so very much appreciated...