My mum suffers with dementia and nearly four months ago we lost my Dad. Mum doesn't remember. At first we told her what had happened whenever she asked where Dad was. This obviously resulted in fresh grief every time. She would sometimes also get very angry and ask us why we hadn't taken her to see him and why hadn't she been there when he died (she was always with us and with us when he died). She couldn't remember any of it. I then came on this forum to see what I could do and was told to not tell her the truth. "Love lies" someone called them. So we told her he was still in hospital. She then wanted to go and see him! We tried various plausable excuses but she would accept none of them. Getting very angry again at what she saw as her daughters stopping her from seeing her husband. This was worse than the original grief. She could not be distracted, persuaded to think about anything else. We also had the additional problem now that she wanted to leave the house in order to find him herself seeing as we wouldn't take her. She hates leaving the house but was now determined to do so. Any alternative we tried where he was still alive resulted in her wanting to see him and further explosions of frustration and grief. Our life at home now is horrible. We talk about nothing else apart from the death of our Dad. Mum thinks about nothing else. She spends the days, and sometimes nights, crying, sobbing or in angry rages telling me and my sister how horrible we are for not taking her to see him or be with him. I go to work tired and upset and my sister, who is her full time carer, gets to experience it 24/7. We have both always lived at home with our parents and we have always been a loving and happy family. All the information in these forums leads us to believe lying is better but it really isn't in her case. You are told not to tell them that they forget but what do you say when she asks why she can't remember he died? She has a follow up answer for everything and never gives up. So, what do you do when nothing works?