So unhappy, and don't know what to do next....


Registered User
Feb 20, 2006
North West England
Update ....

Yeyy for me,

At last managed to to SW to agree respite.
Should be next month sometime.... she's going to do the paperwork before the weekend.

Came to visit us today, and I let it all out' (no tears, no shouting.... just told her like it is).
Probably missed out loads.... but must have been OK , as she agreed to respite was needed asap.

Also said that might be a possibility for 'regular respite'.
(Thing is... we can't really 'afford' too much respite).

Will have a whole week off... feels weird already... time for me... wow.

So... what should I do?
Talk to my husband about how good... what fun it will be....

Or just tell / remind him the day before....

Should I let him 'pack'?

What have others done in my situation?

Feel a lot of relief that I can finally get a few days off.

Thanks everyone



Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
hiya daisy

well done you, im so pleased you got your respite you really deserve it,:)

im not sure on what to say to your husband though having never been in that situation i think if it was me i would probably leave it till nearer the time so theres not so much time for him to get upset about it, but then again im sure theres very good reasons why you should tell him now! so i'll leave that up to the other wise folks on TP who's had that experience
just wanted to tell you how pleased i was have a lovely week


Registered User
Nov 23, 2005

hello daisyg. when my husband went into resbite last year i packed his bags the day before. and told him that he had a appiontment to see the doctor the next morning and that we would get a taxi there. when the taxi came next morning he got in with no trouble at all. he did really know where we were going. regarding the resbite you are allowe six weeks a year at no charge to you. social services should tell you that. my husband is now in a care home because of his illness.take care hope it turns out ok . pat


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Hi daisy

Have been reading a long, could not answer before as I did not know how to help.

I can on respite, for me it help not telling mum until a few days before, so she did not have to much time to think about it. Pack the case yourself or ask him would he like you to help him?

Do you feel his not going to like going in to respite ? my mum did not like the idea at first so had to tell her that getting this break will help our relationship better & help me look after her better as I will feel more relaxed & not so much stress out & time out from each other is more healthy

If you do not mind me asking when you say you can’t afford to many respite, have you got to much saving that go over social service mean tested income for free respite That why you have to pay?

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
Toronto, Canada
"Is it REALLY common for a AD sufferer to name call when they don't get their way immediately?
In many ways now, he is like a spolit child..."

Yes, the name-calling is very common. My mother has called me an effing bitch & a few other choice words many times when in her nasty phases. She also accused me of abusing her. Totally untrue, of course. I merely WANTED to abuse her.

As for the impatience, AD patients have absolutely NO sense of time. I suspect that 5 seconds can feel like 5 hours to them. As an example, my mother will brush her teeth for about 7 or 8 seconds. Yet the dental hygienist (who does the work in the nursing home so should know what's what) always writes on the sheet "Try & get her to brush her teeth longer and also to floss". How stupid is that? My mother has urinary incontinence, thinks I'm either her sister or her mother & no longer speaks coherently & this idiot wants her to floss!!! Okay, mini-rant over.