1. old_groaner

    old_groaner Registered User

    Feb 18, 2014
    I tried to read some of the text on here the other night but had to leave because
    I got so upset at what I could see was coming our way.
    I have been taking care of my wife for over two years now(she has some kind of dementia, dont know what sort yet)and I am awaiting a doctors examination and report.
    I have been telling the doctors for long enough what was wrong, I had made my own
    diagnosis.at the moment she is in respiteand is also in bad health.
    thank you for listening.

    btw we are both 84
  2. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    British Isles
    So sorry things look bleak for you at present. I do hope that the respite will help with your wife's other health problems - if she is quite unwell then I imagine it is making the dementia worse at present.

    Although there are a lot of sad posts on here you will also find some uplifting ones.

    Try to use the respite time to take a break and recharge your batteries. Do you have any family who can support you in caring for your wife? Take care.
  3. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    I'm sorry that reading the posts made you upset, but I hope you also found the responses were very supportive and helpful. Not everyone experiences the same things, and not all days are bad. I hope that after your doctor's report and examination you get some help.
  4. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Hi there. Well you're right - you can read some very sad posts on the forum. But some things that helped me was 1) recognizing that not everyone progresses in the same way and (probably most important) 2) we do tend to post when things are going wrong rather than when things are OK. I mean definitely, people post about their good days, but there are an awful lot of people jogging on and not having an awful experience all the time. But when they do, they post to get support from other who understand.

    What I'm trying to say is: don't assume that everything you read here will be how it works out for you and your wife.
  5. seagull50

    seagull50 Registered User

    Dec 13, 2014
    North Devon
    love will get you through

    I say enjoy what time you have left together..... I was diagnosed 2 weeks before christmas gone with vascular im 53, met the love of my life at 51 we have had just 2 sweet years together but no in our hearts we have many more and without having to say a single word to each other we know our love will get us through. Its not all doom and gloom I realise now its not the years that count but the moments. god bless you both xxx
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    That's a really lovely sentiment seagull.
  7. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    North Somerset
    Sorry to read of your upset, old groaner. Please try not to worry. Everyone is different and while we do tend to post when times are bleak, there are happy times too. My OH unfortunately went into his CH last July but if you ever read my thread (Fred) you will know that I am fortunate in having so many happy moments with him now that I never dreamt I would ever have again.

    Sent from my GT-N5110
  8. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    When I post on the down side of caring for my mum, I do sometimes wonder how people starting this journey will view it, truth is, posting my experiences is all part of the coping mechanism for me and when asking a specific question nearly all the answer have been useful. It all helps and just knowing that I am not alone gives me amazing confidence to carry on.
  9. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    North West
    I don't suppose there are many people who would read some of the posts on here and not feel very sad. But, as others have suggested, there are also uplifting, inspiring and informative posts.

    I also agree with others that many of us probably post when we are feeling down or in need of support so we don't necessarily get the full picture on TP.

    I think too we should remind ourselves more often than we do that many people with dementia do in fact die peacefully. A lot probably depends on how well the end of life phase is managed.

    I do hope that you will keep looking at TP and that you will find here the support and information that so many of us find invaluable.
  10. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    How I feel for you, old groaner. I really do. At 84 years old, I can't even begin to imagine how tough you must be finding things. Yes. I agree. Things are really tough at times, but after getting used to it, that's just it. You're used to it. It's not a great normality, but I know for a fact that I have it easy, most of the time, after reading of so many other people's experiences.

    The trouble begins when you're facing something you haven't faced before and don't know how to cope with it, or how to deal with it. Once you do know how, that's when it gets easier, and it really does get easier.

    I don't know how long you've been telling your doctor(s) about your situation, but you must be very clear about it. Get as much support as you are able. You have to let people know you need support. That takes a lot of gumption, sometimes, but there's always Talking Point where you can come to get expert advice. I say expert, because so many of us are exactly that, living with this every single day of our lives.

    I wish you all the courage and knowledge you can gather. Come here often, and, if you need, just let us have whatever you're facing.

    Every best wish to you.
  11. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    Very wise words Chuggalug, I especially appreciated your comment about how we struggle against a 'new' situation (which we do all the time) but once we've acceped it, it's easier to bear.
    I hope you can get the help you need OG, the thing is none of us know what the future will be, perhaps not as bad as we fear. This disease is so unpredictable.
    I hope you can find a way to live in the present in peace.
  12. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    Old Groaner - my thoughts are with you and your wife at this sad time. I so remember the uncertainty, stress and fear when my Husband became ill with dementia following a fractured femur. We managed through the months before he died to have good times, laughter and affection in spite of the increasing dementia and physical weaknesses - I sincerely hope that once your wife is properly diagnosed and her physical ailments addressed you will be able to enjoy some of the peaceful times again. Loving thoughts for you both WIFE
  13. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    For me, it might take a few weeks, couple of months before I settle into a new situation. (I was going to write 'a new horror', but hey!)

    I can still turn the air blue at times. That ain't nice. I so appreciate your comment, Esmerelda :)

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