1. Katelli

    Katelli Registered User

    Jun 12, 2005
    I have cared for Mum for 3 years, in her own home ( moved in with her when Dad passed away) her dementia hasn't been too bad. She had a fall broke and broke her hip five weeks ago and now is going into decline rapidly.

    I go to hospital twice a day to try and make her eat, but she refuses !! They puried her food as she won't swallow, but if I manage to get 2 teaspoons down I'm doing well.

    Why won't she understand she must eat to get better so I can bring her home. It's breaking my heart to see her.
  2. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    I cannot help really but just to say how sorry I am just that you have to go through this painful process. Keep your chin up. Best wishes Beckyjan
  3. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    that is one of the problems with dementia.

    dementia and understanding simply don't compute.

    and, alas, that often goes in both directions! understanding and dementia simply don't compute.

    Wouldn't life be so much easier if this were not so!
  4. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    My Mum also broke her hip last year and wouldn't eat, so she lost a lot of weight. We had to move her from her Care Home into a Nursing Home and she started eating again. She even tried walking around for a while, but kept falling down and then had a relapse. Mum's main problem was her rheumatoid arthritis and I think she'd have learnt to walk again if it hadn't been for her painful,swollen joints.
    Now, ten months later, she has settled in the NH and is talking sensibly and is more like herself. She does have vascular dementia, which causes stepped declines, which can be quite dramatic. If your mother has Alzheimer's, she may just return to how she was before her fall. The operation and hospital stay just knock them for six, I'm afraid. I hope she's feeling better soon.
  5. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Katelli,
    Welcome to posting on TP, though I see that you have been a member for some time. I think that the anaesthetic exacerbates the dementia for a while. Can mum be tempted with any 'treat' foods, just to get some calories into her? Is she being given vitamin enriched drinks (can't think of the name of them, at present) to help make up for the lack of food?
    Just continue doing what you are doing, and hopefully as mum becomes less disorientated she will start to eat again.
    Love Helen
  6. Katelli

    Katelli Registered User

    Jun 12, 2005

    Thank you for the replies one and all. I have viewed the site but never posted till now. I am at my wits end. Managed 5 teaspoons of soup tonight, hates the build up drinks, won't drink water and spat out her tablets !! Will see doctors again on Tues as to the way forward but she is rambling so much and none of it makes sense anymore. Thanks again.

    Not sure if this is how I post a reply
  7. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    When my Mum (with AD) broke her hip she lost her appetite for several weeks after the surgery and only began to eat again properly about 3 months later. Her appetite is still birdlike, but she dioes eat properly.

    Can you tempt your Mum with something like chocolate milk drink? Or caramel custard? Something sweet, easy to swallow? (I realise this isn't part of the usual "healthy" diet, but if she can be persuaded to eat anything it seems worth it.)
    Best of luck,
  8. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    Hi Katelli
    Sorry to hear about your mum, its so difficult to deal with when they don't understand and its so worrying when they are not eating.
    Make an appointment to see her doctor/specialist and ask if there could be any other reason why she won't eat, mini strokes/stroke etc,. as they can lose the ability to swallow (the swallowing reflex is affected) which could be making it difficult to swallow food, water or medication and see if its worth having an NG tube inserted, it might help until she's a little stronger and more able to eat. She can still be fed normal or puree food while the NG tube is in place and once she is eating normally, the tube can be removed.

    Best wishes
    Love Alex x
  9. mw52

    mw52 Registered User

    Aug 25, 2006
    Hi my mum went for a week's respite in April and fell and broke her wrist. She became really ill after that and was in hospital and wouldn't eat and then in an intermediate care bed and still wouldn't eat and sometimes couldn't eat because she couldn't feed herself - been on the national news about this problem today. Anyway, my sister and I used to just take her bits of things we knew she liked - agree with the earlier message - does it matter if it isn't "healthy" - just to get something down was a major triumph.
    I'm new to this message page but have taken some comfort from reading about other people's experiences. Like all of you, I could write a book about mine - and they are only just beginning now as we have finally got dad to agree that he can't care for her any more and she has gone into a nursing home.
  10. pauline

    pauline Registered User

    Aug 2, 2003
    Sible Hedingham
    I had exactly the same problem with my Mum. Broke her hip & had to have surgery. She'd lived with us for 14 years (10 with Alzheimer's) when we reluctently had to move her to a care home. In there for a year when she had another nasty fall - resulting in the break.
    Although she didn't appear to know who I was, she would only take food & drink from me............the staff were wonderful, trying all sorts of idea's - but with almost no result. Of course, one meal and one lot of drinks a day were nowhere near enough. I cooked her favourite casseroles packed with potatoes/dumplings etc., to try & put the weight back on that she was losing so rapidly. Full cream milky drinks/jersey cream yogurts/'spotted dick' with custard --- all very unhealthy, but that wasn't my main concern at that time.
    Sadly, the home decided whilst she was in the hospital that they wouldn't have her back there, because of her 'unacceptable' behaviour - she was very noisy (shouting etc.,) but it WAS an EMI unit she was in.
    The hospital put her in her own little room & I cannot praise them enough for their care & attention - but they just couldn't conquer the 'eating' problem & because Mum still had all her own teeth, it made the task that much harder!
    So, I sympathise so much with what you're going through at the moment.
    'Keep trying' is the only advice I can offer - the sense of achievement when you get a meal finished is wonderful.

    Take care..................& Good Luck.
  11. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Kattelli and MW52
    Made me very sad reading your posts.I am sure you will find a lot of comfort and support on the site.
    Best wishes
  12. Katelli

    Katelli Registered User

    Jun 12, 2005
    At Peace

    Just to say regrettably my Mum passed away 2 days after I posted "So Sad" I think she gave up and there was nothing I could do. She is re-united with Dad and I feel totally lost.
  13. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Katelli, I am so sorry for your loss

  14. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Heart felt sympathy Katelli to you and your family.

    Thinking of you.

  15. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Katelli,
    I am so sorry about your mum - it will be so difficult for you, having cared for her fulltime. You will need time to grieve, and then slowly begin to rebuild. We are still here for you.
    Take care. Love Helen.
  16. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Katelli, so sorry about your news. Just wanted to echo what Helen said that we are here for you ...

    Love Karen (TF)
  17. MrsMoneypenny

    MrsMoneypenny Registered User

    Sep 12, 2006
    Only just joined this forum and read your post and wanted to convey my deepest sympathies.


  18. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland

    So sorry to hear about your Mum. Losing your Mum leaves such a huge hole in your life.

    You know you did your best for her, and she knows that too, even if she wasn't always able to show it.

    Be good to yourself now. Give yourself time, talk to friends, including TP, and try to remember the happy times with your Mum. She'll always be with you, you know.

    Take care of yourself,


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