Hi - not sure what advice I’m looking for here as I lost my lovely mum last week but I’m finding it very hard to process all this guilt I feel. Mum had been ill for a very long time - she was immobile, ate virtually nothing & at the end could hardly speak. She did know us though. What’s destroying me now is how I was with her - always nagging her - initially to do her physio, this year to eat. I think I must have seemed like a spoon bearing monster. I knew she’d had enough of this life so don’t know why I didn’t just sit with her more and tell her I loved her. She just wanted peace and her family to respect that I think now. I obviously don’t mean you stop encouraging folk to eat but don’t make it a daily battle. My husband got it right - he never tried to get her to do anything - he just tried to make her laugh. I suppose if nothing else can I make this into constructive advice for others - there will come a point every minute becomes very precious. Use that time wisely - don’t stress about the soup or the washing. I so wish I had the last month back but that too is selfish as mum was so poorly and was suffering. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself as she was the best mum ever.
So many regrets
- Thread starter RosieBB
- Start date
I made a pledge to myself a while ago now.
Do what you do with the best of intentions, and dont beat yourself up about it afterwards- you did what you did for the right reason, at the time.
Be kind to yourself, its very early days
Of course your husband looks like the good guy- he didnt have to do the washing, cooking, and general stuff that kept her going.
Do what you do with the best of intentions, and dont beat yourself up about it afterwards- you did what you did for the right reason, at the time.
Be kind to yourself, its very early days
Of course your husband looks like the good guy- he didnt have to do the washing, cooking, and general stuff that kept her going.
I agree with @Jessbow , @RosieBB
We are almost in automatic pilot when we're responsible for the care of another and often can only make sustaining life the priority.
It`s only when we have time to reflect, we start to think about how we could have done things differently.
You did your best. You wanted to nourish your mother and help her to improve her strength.
You were probably also exhausted and now you are rested and have time to think.
We are almost in automatic pilot when we're responsible for the care of another and often can only make sustaining life the priority.
It`s only when we have time to reflect, we start to think about how we could have done things differently.
You did your best. You wanted to nourish your mother and help her to improve her strength.
You were probably also exhausted and now you are rested and have time to think.
I agree @Jessbow , recently I have become aware of posts where carers have regrets about the care they have given and decisions they have made.
I have made a conscious decision to to evaluate every major and some minor decisions I make. I'm trying to eliminate that ' what if ,I should have' moment's that I know is a human trait.
We are fast getting to the stage where I foresee the difficult decisions. I find my self pro/ cons my thoughts so I'm at peace with my actions. I don't want to look back with regret.
It's a tough enough job without the regret. Whatever I decide from now on will be the best for us at the time. I am going to accept that.
Love to all carersx
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