Hello - Thank you for reading this.
My sons are aged 18/16 and their father (my ex husband), 59, is diagnosed with probable early onset Alzheimer's. He lives in the US. I would really appreciate any advice in how to support them through his decline, please.
The 18 year old has deferred his start at university in the UK to be able to spend time with his father this year. His father has a carer for several hours a day on weekdays, cannot drive and has not worked for more than two years.
The 16 year old is studying for A/S levels in London and just came back from seeing his father for two weeks over Christmas and New Year. He told me that his father is noticeably worse than when he saw him in the summer. For example, my son says his dad asked him 'the same question ten times in ten minutes', needs help doing 'everything in the kitchen' and on the last day of his trip got him confused with his elder brother. This last detail has upset my son a lot, probably because he is worried about his father ultimately forgetting who he is. (This was his first fear when his father told him four years ago that he had been diagnosed with a cognitive disorder.)
I would like especially to hear if you have any recommendations about whom to talk to (support groups and/or family counsellors) or what to read about how to help my sons through the inevitable continued decline in their father's health.
My younger son is saying he doesn't care any more about his A Levels any more and wants to leave school or move to the US to be near his father. He is missing his brother and also says he is worried that his brother, who loves to please, will get drawn into being his father's carer and feel obligated to come home every evening and look after his dad instead of 'being a normal teenage boy'.
I have explained that I don't want to do or say anything that could be construed as trying to dissuade or block my 18 year old from spending time with his father. I have supported his decision to take a 'gap' year and go to the US to be with his dad because I never want him to have regrets about not going while it was still possible.
I am more concerned about whether my younger son should somehow be in the US or whether it is better for him to remain stable at school here in the UK and continue to go to see his father in his holidays.
Does anyone have any experience in dealing with a similar situation, please?
Thank you
Londonmum
My sons are aged 18/16 and their father (my ex husband), 59, is diagnosed with probable early onset Alzheimer's. He lives in the US. I would really appreciate any advice in how to support them through his decline, please.
The 18 year old has deferred his start at university in the UK to be able to spend time with his father this year. His father has a carer for several hours a day on weekdays, cannot drive and has not worked for more than two years.
The 16 year old is studying for A/S levels in London and just came back from seeing his father for two weeks over Christmas and New Year. He told me that his father is noticeably worse than when he saw him in the summer. For example, my son says his dad asked him 'the same question ten times in ten minutes', needs help doing 'everything in the kitchen' and on the last day of his trip got him confused with his elder brother. This last detail has upset my son a lot, probably because he is worried about his father ultimately forgetting who he is. (This was his first fear when his father told him four years ago that he had been diagnosed with a cognitive disorder.)
I would like especially to hear if you have any recommendations about whom to talk to (support groups and/or family counsellors) or what to read about how to help my sons through the inevitable continued decline in their father's health.
My younger son is saying he doesn't care any more about his A Levels any more and wants to leave school or move to the US to be near his father. He is missing his brother and also says he is worried that his brother, who loves to please, will get drawn into being his father's carer and feel obligated to come home every evening and look after his dad instead of 'being a normal teenage boy'.
I have explained that I don't want to do or say anything that could be construed as trying to dissuade or block my 18 year old from spending time with his father. I have supported his decision to take a 'gap' year and go to the US to be with his dad because I never want him to have regrets about not going while it was still possible.
I am more concerned about whether my younger son should somehow be in the US or whether it is better for him to remain stable at school here in the UK and continue to go to see his father in his holidays.
Does anyone have any experience in dealing with a similar situation, please?
Thank you
Londonmum