My father, in the “later stages” of Alzheimers apparently, is endlessly difficult and frankly destroying the lives of my mother (aged 84) and myself. His behaviour prevents us having any proper existence at all. Mum feels “he can’t help it” but I think - as do others who’ve known Dad for years - that there is an element of wilful “naughtiness”. All his life he enjoyed winding people up, being sarcastic and provoking others. In my view that part of his personality has remained intact
One friend said that he’s like a naughty little boy, mischievous and testing the boundaries. possibly that’s right. I don’t know
What I do know is that my mother, who isn’t left alone with him very much, ends up shouting at him regularly. Despite her “he can’t help it” rubric, which applies to me not her, she yells at him for being provocative and difficult
Once in a while I do the same thing because he simply WON’T co-operate or show the most basic decency to me. Yes, I know it’s “sons and fathers” but I am not a saint - I never said I was - and every few days I reach the end of my tether and let him know what I think (for once) emphatically. I shout at him
And I feel that it works. He does respond when someone is so obviously furious with him, and he’s better behaved for a while
Is it wrong to shout? Am I supposed to keep my temper, be calm and speak kindly whatever he does or says? I raise this as a genuine question. When I yell at him and tell him (some of) my true feelings I feel better & he does seem to respond positively, for a while
Is it so bad of me? Or could it be a form of therapy
It’s just so easy to blame oneself all the time in this situation. What’s the best thing to do and say from day to day or hour to hour?
Guilt eh? We live with it all the time
One friend said that he’s like a naughty little boy, mischievous and testing the boundaries. possibly that’s right. I don’t know
What I do know is that my mother, who isn’t left alone with him very much, ends up shouting at him regularly. Despite her “he can’t help it” rubric, which applies to me not her, she yells at him for being provocative and difficult
Once in a while I do the same thing because he simply WON’T co-operate or show the most basic decency to me. Yes, I know it’s “sons and fathers” but I am not a saint - I never said I was - and every few days I reach the end of my tether and let him know what I think (for once) emphatically. I shout at him
And I feel that it works. He does respond when someone is so obviously furious with him, and he’s better behaved for a while
Is it wrong to shout? Am I supposed to keep my temper, be calm and speak kindly whatever he does or says? I raise this as a genuine question. When I yell at him and tell him (some of) my true feelings I feel better & he does seem to respond positively, for a while
Is it so bad of me? Or could it be a form of therapy
It’s just so easy to blame oneself all the time in this situation. What’s the best thing to do and say from day to day or hour to hour?
Guilt eh? We live with it all the time
