Should we attend hospital?

[tryingmybest]

I care for my Mum at home with me, aged 90 with advanced vascular dementia. As if things aren't bad enough, my boyfriend has possibly got mouth cancer, having been back and forth to the dentist for over a year for extreme mouth pain and abcesses and has been put on ABs about 6 times. He finally had a tooth removed at Christmas but the pain and abcesses have continued. Last week the dentist referred him to hospital as he has lesions in his mouth. I obviously want to go with him to support him and the appointment is tomorrow. However I am sole carer to Mum and so have nobody to look after her, so will have to take her with us, as she's unable to be left alone. I'm not by any means being drawn into this mass hysteria re Corona Virus but must admit to being slightly concerned about taking Mum with us to the hospital, but have no choice unless we stay at home and my boyfriend attends alone. Thoughts please?

 

[Alex54]

Is there no chance of asking a friend or neighbour to sit with your mother whilst you are at the hospital?
Often we are afraid to ask for help, or people are afraid to offer help in case it offends.

 

[tryingmybest]

Is there no chance of asking a friend or neighbour to sit with your mother whilst you are at the hospital?
Often we are afraid to ask for help, or people are afraid to offer help in case it offends.

Thank you for your reply but definitely not. She is totally dependent on me for everything. She cannot do a thing for herself. She's been with me 24/7 for over 5 years now bless her. The car journey takes over an hour each way plus, the time we spend in the hospital, so it's likely to be half a day all told.

 

[Louise7]

Personally, under the circumstances I'd stay at home with Mum whilst boyfriend attended appointment on his own as hospitals are bad environments for those with dementia at the best of times and very stressful for those accompanying a person with dementia. It seems that this is his first hospital appointment so whilst there may be tests etc tomorrow there's unlikely to be a confirmed diagnosis until a later date. When you know the date for the next appointment you could maybe try to get professional carers in for a few hours to cover so that you can attend too.

 

[Bunpoots]

Could someone else accompany your boyfriend to the appointment? I know you’d like to be there for him but I think it would be a nightmare with your mum in tow.

 

[tryingmybest]

Could someone else accompany your boyfriend to the appointment? I know you’d like to be there for him but I think it would be a nightmare with your mum in tow.

No there is only me. Mums come to the hospital many times with me for my appointments and been fine. I was just worried about taking her with the current climate.

 

[tryingmybest]

Personally, under the circumstances I'd stay at home with Mum whilst boyfriend attended appointment on his own as hospitals are bad environments for those with dementia at the best of times and very stressful for those accompanying a person with dementia. It seems that this is his first hospital appointment so whilst there may be tests etc tomorrow there's unlikely to be a confirmed diagnosis until a later date. When you know the date for the next appointment you could maybe try to get professional carers in for a few hours to cover so that you can attend too.

I can't let him go on his own. He's so worried. No I'm sure Mum will be fine. I always have to take her when I have appointments. I think we will just take a chance and go although I realise that he may not know anything tomorrow. Its all just a bit if a worry isnt it with the virus?