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Should I put mum on a home right now??

anita1780

Registered User
Sep 13, 2015
57
Hi everyone I'm new to this, my mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia about 2 years ago, she is 74, she was doing ok living with my uncle, I live in the UK but I'm originally from Peru, I go back at least twice a year.
Last time I was here in January and my mum although confused was doing well, however now I'm back visiting her in Peru and she has deteriorated a lot, sometimes she confuses me, I go out for a walk with her and she tells me after a while she went out for a walk with some girl, she is having hallucinations and believes someone wants to take the house from her and once even took the dining room chairs out of the house and call the police because she thought she had intruders in the home, I'm an only child and my mum is a single mother so I don't have anyone to ask for help or advice really.
I have my partner and life in the UK and I didn't have the best of relationships with her but she was a caring mother, I could go back to Peru for good and become her carer but I feel I would be sacrificing my life, I will go back to Peru in January, I'm still in Peru at the moment and I have my plane ticket to return to the UK in a week and bit and I was thinking to put her on a home in January, however I feel sometimes its not safe to leave her for a few months in the house because my uncle is out a lot , she has a maid part time, but I feel she needs more than that, should I put her on a home right now?, it makes me so sad the thought of her leaving her house and so many memories and I don't think she really wants to go, I will pay for her care in Peru there is no help at all from the government to care for the elderly
 
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tryingmybest

Registered User
May 22, 2015
631
I am so sorry to read of your sad situation. It must be extremely difficult being so far away and your Mum being in a country where there is not the sane type of help and care available.

I hope someone on here can offer advice but just wanted to say hi and that Im thinking of you and feeling your dilemma. Xx
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,117
Scotland
Have you identified a suitable care home? If so you might find that your Mum enjoys the company of other women and does not get so lonely. A good care home will keep her safe and well fed and should keep you up to date with how she is doing. Perhaps you could Skype her regularly with their help?
 

anita1780

Registered User
Sep 13, 2015
57
Have you identified a suitable care home? If so you might find that your Mum enjoys the company of other women and does not get so lonely. A good care home will keep her safe and well fed and should keep you up to date with how she is doing. Perhaps you could Skype her regularly with their help?
thank you, I found a home that seems, nice and spacious and in a nice location and the staff seems to be nice, I had a look a two other ones but I didn't like them very much.
I will have a second look today, mum has good days when I think she will be ok living at home for few months, but days when I really worry about her safety, and I feel so sad that she has to leave her home
 

anita1780

Registered User
Sep 13, 2015
57
Have you identified a suitable care home? If so you might find that your Mum enjoys the company of other women and does not get so lonely. A good care home will keep her safe and well fed and should keep you up to date with how she is doing. Perhaps you could Skype her regularly with their help?
Yes I found a home that seems nice and in a nice location, I think she will be happy there, I may have to buy her a mobile phone, she only has a house phone and is not very good with technology, hopefully the home can set up Skype chats.
I just feel very worried and confused and guilty sometimes, I just don't know what to do