Should I correct Gran or just change the subject?

[Louloubelle38]

Hi, My 86 year old Gran has recently been diagnosed with mild Azheimers, I am in a dilemma about the right thing to do when she says things which are not true, some examples are, thinking I am her twin sister (who died 15 years ago), that I am her daughter ( my mum) who died 7 years ago, tonight we had a very strange conversation when she told me she has just come back from a week staying with her niece, which I know isn't true!

I really have no idea what I should say, do I correct her, (and risk upsetting her) do I go along with her (I worry this will only make her more delusional) or do I try to change the subject ( often easier said than done!)

Any advice would be very welcome

Thanks x

 

[chris53]

Hi Louloubelle, a warm welcome to you to Talking Point so sorry you feel in a hopeless position, dementia seems to make its own rules and everyone is different, distraction techniques sometimes work to help you "switch off",for your gran what she has told you is very real to her This link below may help you or you may find other ways to adjust to her conversations...I at times go to the bathroom and count to 10, knowing i will go back to mum and hear the same thing again!
Am sure other wise ones here will come up with gems of wisdom which may help, above all support and understanding here, so please let us know how things are going.
Here is the link:-
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
Take care
Chris

 

[jaymor]

I would just be very brief with my answers and try a little distraction.

If my husband had said he had seen his sister and her husband at the garage ( both deceased) I would just say something like I bet they were.surprised to see you there and then distract with offer of a cup of tea or ask him to do some simple chore for me.

Contradicting just makes it more difficult for both the carer and the cared for.

Jay

Sorry I forgot to say welcome.

 

[DazeInOurLives]

Hi, My 86 year old Gran has recently been diagnosed with mild Azheimers, I am in a dilemma about the right thing to do when she says things which are not true, some examples are, thinking I am her twin sister (who died 15 years ago), that I am her daughter ( my mum) who died 7 years ago, tonight we had a very strange conversation when she told me she has just come back from a week staying with her niece, which I know isn't true!

I really have no idea what I should say, do I correct her, (and risk upsetting her) do I go along with her (I worry this will only make her more delusional) or do I try to change the subject ( often easier said than done!)

Any advice would be very welcome

Thanks x

Whatever you do, never contradict her. Distract if you wish, but if that leaves her feeling dismissed in some way, don't worry about joining her in her beliefs, particularly if her delusions give her comfort.

If they cause distress, again, don't deny them, but find a plausible solution to the problem. For example, if she believes that she needs to go home to her (deceased) mother, you could reassure her worry by saying that you have received a message from her mother to say that she is fine and that it is ok to stay longer. Far better than denying her worry or distracting her for a few seconds, only for the concern to return. If your response restores her feeling of calm this should last much longer than any distraction.

If you want some absolutely solid practical bespoke advice about how to be with your Gran and give you both some confidence and peace of mind, take a look at the advice and bespoke courses offered here:

Contented Dementia Trust

It has been the best thing that I have ever done for my Mum. Devastated that I didn't do it in time for Dad. The course is the most individually tailored course that I have ever been on, as well as being the most uplifting and filling me with realistic hope. I came away feeling as though there was a huge amount that I could actually DO to improve Mum's life, just by interacting with her differently, but always respectfully and ethically as well as maintaining her self-determination and sense of agency. And there has been. I have understood the learning from the course deeper over time and we have evolved Mum's care with the method at the centre of Mum's world. She is now in her 13th year of alzheimer's, still at home and her care manager is adamant that she is as well as she is because of the style that we use to care for her. Can't recommend it highly enough.

Good luck

 

[henfenywfach]

Hi, My 86 year old Gran has recently been diagnosed with mild Azheimers, I am in a dilemma about the right thing to do when she says things which are not true, some examples are, thinking I am her twin sister (who died 15 years ago), that I am her daughter ( my mum) who died 7 years ago, tonight we had a very strange conversation when she told me she has just come back from a week staying with her niece, which I know isn't true!

I really have no idea what I should say, do I correct her, (and risk upsetting her) do I go along with her (I worry this will only make her more delusional) or do I try to change the subject ( often easier said than done!)

Any advice would be very welcome

Thanks x

Hi!..its one of those situations where you feel emotional when they say things like having seen deceased family etc..I suppose whether its a hallucination delusion or just a confused thought from the brain..I asked the consultant . He said that when the message gets jumbled..they are unaware that they are saying something untrue and would probably stake their life on it being the truth...

The difference is that when my dads delusional..seeing a police car parked up he sees a riot arrests fighting etc..this worries him and potentially makes him ill..I reassure him and either detour or distract him or play it down to a parking offence...if its just confusion or mixed mesage I dont say anything..theres no point and hed forgot soon anyway...it is hard and depends on the person and their symptoms...you learn to deal with ir and when to react accordingly...it can be difficult..my mum still says no etc..slip of the tongue!..good luck and well done for asking for ideas!..

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Isabella]

I never correct or contradict. My mum once asked me if daddy had brought me to visit (he'd died 29 years earlier) and I just said no, daddy's not here right now. And she just nodded and went happily back to sleep. Distraction is good too, just say something vague and then talk about something else, that often works with my mum.

 

[Lizzy11]

I would just be very brief with my answers and try a little distraction.

If my husband had said he had seen his sister and her husband at the garage ( both deceased) I would just say something like I bet they were.surprised to see you there and then distract with offer of a cup of tea or ask him to do some simple chore for me.

Contradicting just makes it more difficult for both the carer and the cared for.

Jay

Sorry I forgot to say welcome.

I agree that contradicting makes it more difficult. When my father was in early stages of dementia, he could become quite aggressive if contradicted. I soon learned ways around the conversation to save his dignity. It was often distressing for me and other family members, because he would ask who they were and if I said 'They are your grand daughters' he would tell me I was talking rubbish (because he did not recognise them). Sometimes he did recognise them. If he was asked if he remembered 'such and such' he would often just say he didn't and we would reply that we all get a bit forgetful at times' so not to embarrass him.

 

[Tin]

I never correct my mum now, used to when she first came to me, comparing then to how I accept everything now, believe me, less stress and tension now and although it may sound odd to you, you will get used to it. She has called me mum, mummy, good friend, co worker even her employee, these days I am the other one-bless her, she thinks there are 2 of me.

 

[Louloubelle38]

Thankyou so much!

Some really useful advice here thank you so much everyone, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply and it's really helpful to know others share the same concerns and issues. Thank you and best wishes Lou